this is why, when the son got grandchildren that time follow the son's surname lo

Maybe I'll consider selling my first son's surname for 5k

Ya.. also part of it is face value. Some aunties intend to compare children dowries. But that is not from girl side only.
Sometimes my MIL cunningly said "My fren pay the son's gf parents RM10K. Of coz that girl is a master holder."
Talk as if, I am cheap coz I am not a master.
Also there are time when MIL say ppl doesn't want any dowry coz they are rich family gal. At the same time, given me another feeling that I am not rich.. that's y my mother want dowry? But my mum given it all back to me in jewelry form.
Those are things that our generation can't brain. But please keep in mind.. no matter pay or not pay.. those aunties still talking.. which highly affected the bride's feeling. Pay or not pay .. both gone wrong.

If not agreeable to take up all this problem.. better stay single or marry someone who is not the typical malaysian chinese.

Or mayb consider yourself marry into her family. Then you can ask for dowry in return.

That's why I said it's all about the face lor.
See... when the girls parents feel proud that they are fetching a good price for their daughter so will the boy's parents feel proud that they are paying a high price for a someone's daughter.

You're right, if we can't accept it then we can just decide not to marry the girl. But I'm just saying that it is ridiculous to fuss over something like this.

well, my dad taught me what to say to my MIL " i only have 5k at the moment, if you insist want 10k, i only can borrow from loan shark ( ah long ) , at the end your daughter suffer also... "

lol....

Then you have to prepare to be the main topic for a least 5 years and this alone will give you bad luck in whatever you do.

very bad advice from your dad

TS, although your gf's mum certainly make ppl angry behaving like that. But don't fight over this matter, at the end will just make the relationship turn sour.
Talk to your gf and tell her to settle her mum. Is her role to do so, to take care of the welfare for both sides. If this problem did not solve properly, it will be bad for both of you. Money is just the part that struggle for the next few years.
But the image that both of you placed in both parents heart, will give you guys a hard time in future.
Her mum will forever remember that her son-in-law kedekut dun 1 2 pay more.
Your dad will forever remember that her daughter-in-law family press water fish and the daughter-in-law never help to ease your problem.
This is bad.

well, i think just told her, i dont really afford to pay 10k... maximum i can do its 5k... hope that my MIL understand..

wah so expensive. i got married last year, chinese ceremony going to be this year. my mom asked for RM99 only , same amount she got when she got married and same amount my sis in law got from my parents when she married my brother.

before that, did you get any idea whether you have to pay for the girl side wedding dinner? their tables.
Coz most of the time.. dowry and tables both have almost similar weightage.

Some parents want tables only, no need dowries. (therefore usually they will take the angpao for their tables.. and groom pay the bill)
Some parents want both tables, and dowries (angpao collected from the dinner.. depends.. if they wanted it also.. then too bad.. coz they earn double fr u)
Some parents want dowry only, they will pay the table using the angpao they collected.

Whatever dowry or angpao get from the table that groom paid, sincere parents should return it back to the newly wed couple in other form such as jewelry, furniture, honeymoon gifts, etc.

Anyway, be careful.. if your MIL say ok for 5K but requested you to give her 15tables.. then you'll be dead.

Do you have a younger sister?

ooo tables. thank goodness my mum in law only asked for 5 tables.

hehehehe, sorry, i'm the only girl!
my wedding going to be very very simple.
only about 10 tables, total wedding cost split 50:50.
equality mah!

i understand ur dilema bro....
ur gf mom is trying to test u if u are capable to cough out that money or not...she dun care about the money actually...
but yea...someone needs to explain to her nicely that u hv plans for future with ur wife...and u must convince her u are financially okay to support both u n ur wife (n kids)


other bros in the forum dun suffer lk u do coz their parents are cool with it, or they are convinced their son in law are financially steady....

worse case scenario, u may hv to ask ur gf to 'borrow' u money so u can pay ur in laws 10k....but u will hv to keep it a secret from ur in laws...or they will never respect u till the end of time.

Some people just want face. They think the higher they received, like their daughter is highly rated. I know some who give 20-30K actually give half or so back to the groom. Chinese is like this one... After receive, must return favor. Depending on how traditional your MIL are, some does go through hell and back when prep for marriage.

never mind geh, come out instalment plan lo

That really depends. My gf said to me if I don't have 50k don't even think bout wedding. Coz its expected from her family side that I give them at least 10k. When I heard it I sweat. Cold sweat. Even tho its a big amount, but it's tradition. But think of it, u give them 10k,her parents sponsor the wedding dinner. So win win.

lol... problem is i give 10k the wedding dinner still i need to pay =.=