Haha I don't have a big heart? Ya, I don't have a big heart for those who don't deserve it.

Let me ask you, putting yourself in TS's situation, why are you giving the other family so much of privilege, when it is YOUR OWN FAMILY who needs more of your love and attention? What kind of son are you to "help" others, when you can't even help to give your own mom the support and care she needs, especially during such a fragile state? What kind of brother are you, if you rather be there for a ******* child, than your own siblings who are lost and confused because they're all crying out for daddy?

And don't even bother trying to come back with a retort saying you can help both sides, realistically speaking, it's almost impossible - Especially with all the emotions involved.

You preach so much about being "good and noble", then you better be thinking about how to take care of your own family first. The way you go preaching about caring for the other side, it's obvious you're only trying to look good in front of us. In reality, I doubt you'd even care for anyone.

Ya, the kid is innocent. You don't blame them, don't harm them, fine. But who are you to go out of the way for them? You got your priorities all wrong.

Love blossoms between the dad and other woman? You know what commitment means? Ya, maybe he's attracted to her, he started falling in love. It can happen. But to be a dungu and follow emotions blindly? Commitment means you stop things at where it is, you pursue no further, because you honor the marriage with the wife, the number of years behind it, and the responsibility for the family. Throwing an entire family away because of some new excitement? A character like that shows they have no regards about how others feel, pursuing their own "happiness" at the expense of others.

If everyone thinks like you do, everyone would be having a broken family. That's why I said, people like you, you better not get married and have kids. You are only going to bring disappointment to your wife and kids.

Huh? Wtf? Don't get you at all.

What's the relationship between practicing open rship when one's attractive vs not attractive??

You sure have a funny way of interpreting things, and an odd train of thoughts.

This post has been edited by ace.princess: Jun 18 2012, 08:46 PM

RUI is just butthurt 'cos you won't have sex with him.

Nah, I thought that you are butthurt for TS mum now because you are very likely to be butthurt in future when your husband does that to you.
I'm just saying that you don't have such right in the place since you are the one preaches infidelity. Oh wait! No such things as infidelity in open-relationship.

I'm sorry. I'm extremely judgemental on people that practices such relationship/casual sex as lifestyle regardless of gender.
I personally find them disgusting and prefer not to have any physical contact if possible.
We can still be friend; just need to keep their physical distance to prevent any infection.

Does that correct assumption? Bah, doesn't matter.

This post has been edited by RUI: Jun 18 2012, 09:06 PM

If you've been reading carefully, my stance on open rship is still the same. I wasn't attacking the casual sex part. But I'm strongly opposed to the idea of breaking apart a family because of a love affair, and jayqc's attitude on how it's okay to break apart a family just because of dad's own "happiness". And also how he got his priorities all wrong.



You just called me a disgusting slut. So no, I don't wanna be your friend.

Did I ask ts not to care for his mom ? go care for the father's woman and the kid only? You are putting words into my mouth. Did
I ask ts not to care of his siblings? again you are assuming it and putting words into my mouth. And again you are putting words in my mouth that I do not care for anyone? Do you know me personally?

what's wrong with me helping my step brother/sister? isn't his blood has a little to do with me?

Along the way, you may find new love. what's wrong with that? some people cannot love his/her partner a lifetime. along the marriage, they may find someone new , someone better who can fulfil their happienss and needs and etc. You think if you marry someone, that fella will always love you till the end?

You are revealing a lot about yourself on this thread, broski.

Lol, it seemed like I'm not the only one disagree you. Why do you wanna talk like a god father? Duhzzzzz

3rd point is a typo. I meant i m not great. not i m great. Just because I side with the father and his mistress and son. You all against me. I m not a god father. I just kesian the kid and the mistress is in future the father not ard. who gonna take care of them. It is not easy for a mom to raise a kid without a father. I hope the father will leave some fortune to both of them.

This, is what's entirely wrong with your previous statements.
You're allowed to have another relationship. Just end your current one and move on with the next. You don't love your wife no more? Fine, she's probably sick of you as well.
So get a divorce, marry a bangla for all I care. DO NOT go for an extra marital affair, come back with a kid and act like you did that only because you're 'human'.

You know what's wrong with your words?

Extra marital affairs are fine.
Have kids outside? Sure fine, come back, I'll take care of them for you after you pass on.
Naw, they need my love as well, I mean sure, they're like my half brother and sister, even if they're the by product of your infidelity because you can't have sex with my mum.
Come on! Hugs and kisses for everyone! WHHHEEEEE!

Now you're accusing me to have some self righteous moment when you claim to be filled up with love in that way? Seriously .. this forum need a finger icon somewhere.

take me some time to comprehend what you are trying to say. A man cannot love two women? mayb he still loves his wife but since his wife cant satisfy him, he need to find outside source to satisfy. I m just guessing. If i have extra marital, it doesn't mean I dont love my wife and children. there are other factors.

I think jayqc is just saying how TS dad can make the situation less wrong. It's quite sad for the other woman to be a single mother and a innocent baby growing up without a father. So, for the father to take responsibility is right thing to do. I agree with you that it's not okay to break apart a family just because of dad's own "happiness". But this is a case where it's broken and the father is torn apart. "Nasi sudah jadi bubur". What left to do is what's right for the situation.

Contrary to your believe, casual sex and being responsible doesn't go hand in hand. This could be a case where the other woman got knocked up while having protected casual sex. So, to prevent broken family/STI/STD/Unwanted-pregnancy; it still best to stay away from promiscuous relationship/open-relationship/casual sex.



No I did not. Just, I remember once I sanitized my hand after a shaking hand with a friend which I later found out that he visit brothel earlier in the evening.
Nonetheless, the evening went well and they are great friends. Just that part that I find disgusting.

so ur dad did that way too?

nope

with this, I think there is nothing wrong if the woman "disabled" the husband "brother" by using medicine or knife, so that no more desire.. no affair. Problem cut short! RIGHT!?

@ Jayqc : I think your methods of justifying cheating are a little umm, "unorthodox". Never seen it that way before, but still i don't encourage cheating. Not fair, not good, not nice, bla bla bla.


Anyways, trying my best not to derail from TS's plight, I can relate to how and what you are probably going through right now. I was only 8 yrs old when my family found out my Dad had a mistress and by the time i was 12, i had a half brother and half sister. I don't know to say if you are unlucky or lucky for your dad to have had another child much later in his life, i mean no offence. Having a family outside disrupts the peace and welbeing of a family at any rate. The same happened to my mom as it happened to yours, i saw alot and understood a lot at that tender age, being the eldest i had to deal with two younger brothers asking "Where's papa? Why so long never come home?" (My dad would go missing for months, come back 1 day for a shower and off again) and my mom could never answer but burst our crying and stayed in her room for hours.

Coming from a sort of broken family myself, i can't tell you what to do or not to do, as i do not know your mom and how she will react if she gets wind of whats going on. My mom took it very very badly at first, the frequent outbursts of crying, the not-going-to-work for weeks on end, the screaming and rage when she lost her temper on every slight thing, but we lived with it. It was just us and we had cash problems (3 boys in school, tuition, house loan, car loan, etc.), of course with some help from our relatives when times were going very very tough on my mom. But look at it this way, you and your siblings are all grown up now. At least when you are more financially independant, its easier to let sleeping dogs lie.

As a kid, whenever i had the chance, i asked my Dad, "Why did you do it?" many times. It was always the same answer, "I'm very unhappy about certain things you don't need to know about!". And knowing my dad, i always detected a pang of guilt in his tone, till today, i know he regrets the decision he made so many years ago.

I'm not saying it like how Jayqc is, i don't encourage it, but try your best to mitigate the pain and loss. Sometimes, it is best to let sleeping dog's lie. 18 years down the road, we grew numb to my dad's responses and/or stupid mumbling. He grows more miserable every passing year, as from what i hear, his 2nd family is giving him tonne loads of shit. He cannot go out to weddings and official events, because his 2nd wife is not recognised and my mom refuses to accompany him. He drinks himself drunk many, many times. And we've had to lug him out of his crashed car twice now.

My solution, would be to just ignore this. And if ever your mom ever finds out about this, just be there for her and give her emotional support to deal with it and forget about it. Ultimately, there is no right or wrong move to this - it is just how your mom deal with it in future.

So if in future, yr partner leaves you for another, you would kill her? okay.

Why your dad no take responsibility of providing financial needs to yr family eventhou he has another family. I do not like this sort of people. btw, yr mom did not fall in love with another man?

This post has been edited by jayqc: Jun 19 2012, 01:01 PM

No. I don't need to kill .. coz my man doesn't have your special mindset.
Even if he leaves me for another, I do believe he will regret and feel sorry. At least won't be telling everyone that there is nothing wrong for him to find another woman.. leaving the wife and children behind.

Arguement aside now.

TS, if your mum has not find out anything yet. Keep it down for now.
Talk to your dad that you aware of this situation and tell him your criteria. Such as do not ever let mum know about this and he needs to make sure mum's feeling is the 1st priority. He needs to be there for her on every occasion. He needs to come home just like any normal husband did. With that, he still can have the option to keep 2 family.

As for his fortune distribution.. this depends on how wealthy your dad is. If is rich.. of coz you fight for your family leaving just enough to cover the baby. If your dad is just like any normal elderly.. then fight also no $.
But most important, the house your mum staying should put your mum name now.

Oh c`mon, don't be such a close minded bigot.

The most important thing in a relationship is trust and commitment. You might think that open relationships do not value commitment, but you would be wrong. Open relationships requires a magnitude level of trust and commitment above regular relationships. To be able to trust your partner to keep you as the priority and you yourself committing to your partner despite the indulgent temptations requires a different sort of character. Its not for everyone, but you shouldn't condemn it simply because you don't have that capacity.

To put it in another way, some people consider going out to a cinema with the opposite sex as a date, and hence "cheating". You may think its silly, but that's the perception of some groups. Open relationships are the same thing, the line is just drawn much higher.

Remember, infidelity means the person is cheating by not letting the person know. Its not cheating if the person knows of it, and condones it. There is no betrayal of trust.


If I marry the person? Yes, that is what I would expect. If this is how you think, why bother getting married? Just go f`ck around and have several illegitimate children. Marriage is about family, and the glue that holds a family together is love. Without love, the family unit will break. Love is not a set of requirements you put down on paper like "caring" for the family. Its not about "WHAT" is done, its about what "DRIVES THE ACTION".

Sadly, I think you've not felt what it is to love and be loved, which is the only reason you can spout such rubbish.

No, she didn't. and i think you have some crazy responses in all that i've read so far.