Female drivers:

The reason people look both ways when crossing a one way street.

lol @ the jokes ! keep it up

Thanks for all the jokes from v1 until here.
Cheers my day up!

Keep it up guys!

Boy: "What u doing?"
Girl: "Playing CoD"
Boy: "Do you know how to make a sandwich?"
Girl: "Obviously!"
Boy: "Marry me?"

I'll Marry that girl!! no doubt

LOL

LOL... This is too funny

wahahahahaha
the last one was epic

LOL the vid!

A man is very ashamed of his penis because of the size. 
He has an extremely small penis and doesn't want his girlfriend to dump him when she sees the size. 
One night when he and his girlfriend are making out in a dark corner he decides he will show her. 
The man unzips his pants, whips out his small d***, and shoves it into her hand. 
He sits there, waiting to see her reaction. 
His girlfriend says, ‘Thanks for offering, but you know I don't smoke.’

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Added on November 21, 2010, 3:59 pmTwo guys sneak into a farmer's fruit garden and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun. ‘Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of which ever fruit you want,’ said the farmer. 
The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer. 
The farmer says,’now shove em' all up your ass.’ 
The guy gets all 100 up his ass. He feels really bad, but then he starts to laugh.
‘Why you laughing?’ asked the farmer. 
To which the man replied, ‘My friend is out picking watermelons!’

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Added on November 21, 2010, 4:00 pmA 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with a vibrator.
‘What are you doing?’ asked the mother.
‘Mom, I'm 40 years old and look at me. I'm ugly. I'll never get married, so this is pretty much my husband.’ The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head. 
The next day, the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering the room, found his daughter using the vibrator.
‘What the hell are you doing?’ he asked. 
His daughter replied, ‘I already told Mom. I'm 40 years old now and ugly. I will never get married, so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband.’ The father walked out of the room shaking his head.
The next day, the mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand and the vibrator in the other, watching a football game on TV. 
‘What on earth are you doing?’ she cried. 
The husband replied, ‘What does it look like I'm going? I'm having a beer and watching football with my son-in-law!’

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Added on November 21, 2010, 4:02 pmA blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. ‘I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there.’
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. 
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. ‘Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes.’ Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. 
The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. 
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. ‘Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man.’ 
‘I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork.’ The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, ‘That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli.’
Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. 
He tells his wife, ‘Mary rub this fork around your vagina before I take it to the blind man.’ Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
‘Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you.’ 
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, ‘Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?’

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Added on November 21, 2010, 4:06 pmAfter the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to see the obstetrician. ‘Doctor,’ he said, ‘I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine.’
‘Nonsense,’ the doctor said. ‘Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.’
‘It isn't possible,’ the man insisted. ‘We're pure Asian.’
‘Well,’ said the doctor, ‘let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?’
The man seemed ashamed. ‘I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice a month.’
‘There you have it!’ the doctor said confidently. ‘It's just rust.’


This post has been edited by junnie87: Nov 21 2010, 04:06 PM

Haha Juniie87 awesome jokes!

I text this girl who was renting a room in my house "I want to lick you out"

If she likes the text then I go with it, if not I blame predictive text and it was meant to say "I want to kick you out".

+10000

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

this is winner
and i trying it right now

I picked up a fit hitchhiker who told me she was a magician.

"Oh yeah?" I said, "Prove it."

Then she touched my leg and I turned into a hotel

why hotel?

the guy was driving, he picked up a lady, thus the word hitchhiking.
she touched his legs, he drove into the hotel (he turned into a hotel)

turned as in 'pusing'
lol ambiguities