A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor is asked by the midwife
if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.

"OK Do you have a boyfriend?", asks the Midwife.

"No, no boyfriend either."

"Do you have a partner then?"

"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman.

"You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black".

"Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live,
and so I accepted a job in a porno movie. The leading man was black".

"Oh," says the midwife, "it's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions,
but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair".

"Well yes," the girl again replies,
"you see the co-star in the movie was this Swedish guy."

"Oh," the midwife repeats, "it's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes".

"Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in the movie,
I really had no choice."

At this, the midwife collects the baby and presents her to the girl,
who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum.

The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims,

"Thank God for that!"

"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.

"Well," says the girl extremely relieved,
"I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark!

^ i cant help it.
lol.

I don't like children.

What people don't seem to realise is that babies are here to replace us.

Once you understand that you can see just how sinister they are.

LMAO...how could he stand that?

was chasing a girl with a dildo through the park.

I would have left her alone, if she'd just given me back my dildo.

When my girlfriend told her friends she was going to grab a box of tissues and head off to bed, she got sympathy.

When I said that, I got disgust.

hahahahahahaha laughing like mad now

Cheryl Cole was asked, "What would you do if this was the last day on earth? "

To which she replied, "Probably spend time with the people I love the most."

Incorrect Cheryl. I think you'll find that your last day would be spent running terrified from a lot of men wanting to fulfil their last day on earth plans.

lol

lol

I was shagging a girl over her kitchen table when we heard the front door opening.

"That's my husband," she said, "quick, try the back door."

I knew I should have left before her husband caught me but there's no way I refusing anal.

I knew that was coming lol...

Man are the best cooks
With 2 eggs and 1 sausage
And a little milk
They can fill a women's stomach for 8 months!

No sex joke today as I have a really bad day.

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Dec 16 2010, 11:52 PM

I finally got my own back for Christmas shopping. I took my girlfriend into 8 different pubs without a drink, and then went back into the first one and bought a pint.

LOL window pubbing

Congrats to the RJokers for the V2 thread!
I LedOL at the jokes non-stop!

Here's from me as a newbie in the team:

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.

He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.

The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

"The funeral director," said his wife.

^404

u dunt understand or what?