What's worse than your boyfriend sending you a text to 'Break up'?


Another text saying 'Sorry That Wasn't For You'

It's my birthday but I am depressed on how things worked up in my life.


Then an old rich man told me how he made his money.

"Well, son, it was 1960s. The economy was so bad that I was really broke, stayed in a broken hut nearby my in laws orchard."

"I would steal some fruits from the orchard. I spent the entire day cleaning it and find people to buy at a more premium price, at the end of the day, I sold the fruits for ten cents."

"The next morning, I would use the money to finally buy some fruits without stealing from the father in law, and repeat what I do. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.77."

"Then my wife's father died and left us million of fortune."


What a great birthday story for me.

A sailor comes back to his home port after a long sea voyage and heads straight for the nearest brothel.

"I need a woman to suck my d*ck," he tells the madame.

"Sure," says the madame and signals to a gorgeous brunette.

The sailor goes into a room with the whore, drops his trousers and she starts sucking away. After five or ten minutes:

"It's not getting hard, you know," says the whore.

"It's not supposed to get hard," says the sailor, "just clean."

cannot brain? he expect someone to "polish" his john because he's gay?

i guess its because sailors are usually dirty.. cuz they live at the sea all the time

means he done too much anal

What has two wings and a halo?

A Chinese telephone.

I saw a fat gal down the pub, her T-shirt said - Watch out, I'm a maneater!

I went up to her and said "Excuse me love, about your T-shirt slogan."

She stopped me and angrily said "Oh let me guess, you want to know how many men I've eaten?! Well I can't help my size you know!"

I said "Actually no, I wasn't going to say that at all."

She looked happier and smiled as she said "Oh yes, what did you want to say then?."

"That's not how you spell Manatee."

hahahaha

i need to google up to laugh out

lolz dugong

Sorry if repost

A woman put up a ad in the love section of a newspaper and it wrotes

'Looking for a man for a relationship. He must have this requirements:
1)Doesn't hit me
2)Doesn't run away
3)Must be great in bed'

So the next day, some men went to her place to answer the ad but non of them fits the requirements she wanted. She nearly give up but she heard a knocking on her door. And when she opened up, she saw a man with no arms and legs.

The man said 'Hi, I am here to answer your ad. As you can see, I have no arms, so I won't be able to hit you. I also have no legs, so I won't be able to run away from you'. The woman, gave a few thought about it and it was true he did fulfil her first two requirements but asked him'Okay, but how are you great in bed?'.

He smiled widely and said 'How did you think I knocked on the door?'

i cant brain these

its how they pronounce "ring" and "hello"

hahahaha!!

Did you know that your iPad has a built in bathroom scale app?


Go ahead, try it.

WOW I JUST FOUND OUT

I dont get it .

http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/fake-bathro...d459311875?mt=8

if u really step on ur iPad, it would crack for sure.