^ Get some love from the missus bro.

Guy walks into a pharmacy and asks for a deodorant.

"You want the ball type?" the assistant asks,

"No, just the underarm stuff will be fine."

"Emergency, which service?"

"Water board please. I've been cut off. I need water urgently."

"Sir, the 999 service is for genuine emergencies."

"Yeah, but my house is on fire."

MY girlfriend went for a job interview yesterday, the interviewer asked, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?"

"Mirror... duh!"

My mate was pretty down today. He have an accident, and his girlfiend was leaving him because he couldn't maintain an erection because of it.

I don't think I made things any better by saying

'Sorry mate, it must be hard'

I went to a restaurant the other day and I noticed that my waitress had a black eye.

Feeling sympathetic, I made sure I spoke loud and clear when ordering my food because she obviously has trouble listening.

^ owwww~ vicious joke heheheh. love it.

My girlfriend said that she wanted to start trying for baby recently.
I agreed, then went straight down the doctors and asked for a vasectomy.

I figured I had at least three or four years of a guaranteed f*ck every night, before she started becoming suspicious.

^ THE ABOVE 1 IS DAMN LOLOLOLOL~!!

Btw, took me 2 weeks++ to Read untill NOW!!

Kudos to V1~~Welcome to V2~~

i dont know if this qualifies as a joke, but it's pretty funny and quite true. also, it's pretty long. here goes:-

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.

You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.

My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?

I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?

Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit.

If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)


Ms. Pretty


A philosophical reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan:


Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.

My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.


From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.

Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money" : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.

However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.

Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position".

If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased".

Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me.

signed,

J.P. Morgan CEO

This post has been edited by Jagiya: Apr 14 2011, 11:11 PM

its a joke and it has been reposted too many time till die liao.

geez, how'd i know if it has been reposted many times, take a look at my number of posts nutsack

now that's a joke
i mean the replies

jangan la marah bang. search function kan ada.

howtf to search for a joke man...... hahahahahaha

a quick search on 'depreciation' in Jokes Heaven would already return some result and i don't even have to try

After winning my latest tournament, I decided to throw the ball into the crowd, like they do on the television.

Apparently it's unacceptable in ten pin bowling.

What is the most sensitive part of a man's body when masturbating?
His ears - Just to hear if anyone is coming.

*Like*

As Peter could hear some moaning and groaning from next door through the wall, so he thought he'd take advantage and have a crafty wank.

As the moans turned into grunts, he said, "That's it, keep going. I'm nearly there..."

"F*ck off d1ckhead, I'm trying to have a shit", said a voice from the next cubicle.