well, memories will stay i can tell u that, but it doesnt mean u cant have new ones, maybe better ones (or maybe not, if not try again). i can tell u for sure with my 6 exes, when i was with every single one of em (well, not every single one, but most of em) i was happy, delirious, and content. and when it was over i was obviously upset, but u learn that it happens. a relationship is like, a test drive of a car. marriage is purchasing the car. if the car isnt suitable for u, either because your legs are too short or it guzzles too much gas, then look for another car. rhetorical btw

Second that! There will be times when we all will cherish those past moments. However, never let those past memories affect the new relationship especially comparing with the past. I mean what is in the past should just stay in the past.

Reluctant as most people may be to see all these go into the past, there's no choice what... If you hold it with you, nothing can bring you happiness and at the end of each day, there's a grieving soul.

Although it's tough for me to let go of my 2 and a half years long relationship, I've just got to do it. There is no looking back because the facts are right there and it's been long due for me to accept those facts. I've lost the battle.

but not the war friend. the war rages on, as long as you do not linger in the battlefield crying.

actually rite, i know some people who dwelve in self pity because, well, too much soap operas. its like a public mindset. "people supposed to be sad when break up so i also should feel miserable and sad also" *self pity self pity*. Not everyone is like that but often some people are. like....how to describe....rationality has been driven out, temporary insanity

We just have to look at things at a different perspective. Obviously we all are looking it at how wrong it is and wondering why this is happening to you.

Sometimes a breakup can be an awakening moment for one personally. An example of mine I was all into my ex while ago, a can live and die for her, do everything I can to make her happy. Eventually we broke up and it does took me a while to finally understand why it happens. I was so into her that I neglected my family members and friends or more importantly my purpose in life.


I lost the girl I really loves but the break up teach me the important of prioritize. Break up sucks but is it bad? It's up to you to find out and what your pain is telling or teaching you in order to helps you grow into a better you. The deeper the wound, the stronger person you will become.

Time to fight like a warrior as in fight through all the hard times. Ever heard of; things get rough and so does the person

Yea la sad is obviously something that will happen. It's human emotion but then again don't over do it. A few of my friends were with me during my first few weeks of my recent relationship break down and they saw me cry the hell out of myself. They knew how I felt and yes, friends do play a very vital role besides the family to help you go through it.

They can only cheer us on and help up get up when we fall but, we will have to move all by ourselves.

Agree with that. Break ups does sucks but it teaches a person a whole lot of lessons. I've got my first deep wound when I was still in lower secondary and this is my second deep one which was 2 months ago.

Speaking of which, I am learning my lesson the hard way on how to prioritize things. I've also come a long way learning that I've not only neglected my friends and sometimes my family but also my very own.

Yes, Human learns from the hard way. Our soul or the Universe or God ( or whatever higher power you named it ) knows our problem and somehow they allowed things to happen on us, for our own good of course.

Imagine if you have a choice and God tells you how you will break up with your lover, how pain it will be to see him/her going out with another person, that you won't be able to eat, sleep and do anything, or bla bla bla ( if you're reading this I assumed you know how it feels ).

If you knew the consequences you will just say "no way, it doesn't worth going through all that for a lesson" and by that you will never truly learn life lesson. That's why things happened unexpectedly and unreasonably. All i'm trying to say is look things in a different perspective and be grateful for it instead of grieving.

This post has been edited by WhoIsKenneth: Sep 24 2009, 11:05 PM

(I wrote this on the other thread & rewrite it here)

I am impressed with people who can go in & out a relationship and still have the will to on the next one.

I failed twice (read:dumped) & at this point of time feel that there is no way in hell I can do this again.

Maybe you guys/gals can help out on the motivation part to move on.

Or maybe I am already too old for this (maybe its my bad that I started late, hah, such a late bloomer)

*screwed*

Yes mate! I was like that the first few days. Didn't eat well, didn't sleep well and of course I didn't have the mood to do anything. The days I gone through just sucks.

I agree with your last line there, and well I am giving it my best to look at what has happened in a different point of view. Not only from my point of view but of others as well. I personally have a few friends who knows me well enough to evaluate me and well I've gotta agree with what they say. I wouldn't mind them saying that I am not a really good boyfriend to my ex because I myself know I am not the cream of the cake. After all we aren't perfect anyway.

Well enough of speaking about myself, it's time that we learn what we need to learn and well with God's power, everything will turn out well for all of us.


Hey, don't get so down over it alright. I was in the same position as you and I've gotten enough of being like that.

Although I am a guy, I don't really go in and out of a relationship unlike some of my other guy friends. I prefer to repent and slowly learn from what and where I've done and gone wrong before I commit myself again. (No offence to anyone reading this.)

Like you, I've two big breakdowns and well I got dumped and I don't feel like I am ready for anymore for the time being. Perhaps this is human nature I think . Just take some time to relax alright? I am doing what I can too.

What we can offer you here is a pair of eyes (since we are reading it) or maybe a pair of eyes (if you want us to hear it). We can only help each other out by supporting each other and helping us to get up each time we fall. The rest of it, we are the ones who's going to do it.

I consider myself a late bloomer too

I wrote that on of those nights where, well, I can't pick myself up as I usually can.

But today its getting better (probably the bright sunlight has a lot to do with this).

I decided the best way to feel good is to help other people & get busy.

(But can't make to LYN Charity work on Sun because I have plans on that day already, maybe another time).

Since I am new here, does LYN has a 'counselling' sub-forum that maybe I can help with ? Or is there any other way I can contribute ?

Late bloomers, I think I spent my youth enjoying being single too much. And when your peers start counting how many kids they should have in 5 years time, I kinda panicked & feel pressured.

Yes, I don't deny the lesson learnt and all. I need to learn to improve my interpersonal skills & emotional control (that maybe the big fault there).

Any ideas how to those two ? (in case anyone can answer this ;-) )

I can definitely answer you on the emotional control part. Not sure if you heard it before but this is how the process should goes :

Thought > Feeling > Action > Result

Usually we tends to start with our feeling first and it always lead to the wrong direction, that's why it's called emotional control. Hold your feeling first, take a deep breath and think through things before you feel it.

The counselling sub-forum I guess is here though. In here we can exchange ideas and how to get over and move on. It's also helping others here.

Interpersonal skills hmmm... I've only one idea which is don't be shy to speak out and if there's anything uncomfortable find someone whom you can trust and talk to them. Being more outspoken is the only way to get out. Speak you heart out when you really want to speak especially if you're feeling down.

Might as well ask what is the meaning of life. It's far too broad a question, and it'll help a lot if you break it down to specifics.

That question no one can answer you know. Everyone has to find for themselves. What I suppose she's asking about it just what she can do about her EQ and her networking abilities.

It's not easy though to overcome all these obstacles when you yourself are going through the break up. It's always easier for people say and advise you what to do but, for us doing it is a absolutely difficult and hard. But like what I've said before, in order to get through it we have to do it not just trying to do it.

@blueicecube

I hope you get what we are saying here. Don't worry you're not the only one. I am going through it too.

Sometimes we forgot that there are bigger problems in this world other than our broken heart.

Thank you for sharing thoughts & advice.

Well it does depends on how those problems affect you first. For me the broken heart does affect a lot things that's why normally I prefer to deal with it sooner rather than later before it affects the other ones.

Welcome. You're appreciated.

i share the same feeling of my heart being shattered into zillion pieces when she tells me she is moving on without me. That was 1 month+ back then. Days after that were literally dark and gloomy. The rainy days didnt helped much either as I was stuck at home. I felt really emotional. Wondered why it ended like this. But as i read through all the 17 pages in this thread, i found solace. Thanks to all who have contributed constructively.

I really wished to turn back time. To those sweet times we have been through though i have to admit that it wasnt all smooth sailing too. But i know i have to face the reality. The reality is always very cruel. It was my first love. Day by day i started to realised things. Do not be a priority in someone's life when you are just an option to him/her. It made me realised that she wasnt and never really prioritise me all the times while i gave her my all. Devoted all my time for her. Attended to all her requests. In the end i got nothing but her moodswings and her cold shoulder. I know that i shouldnt expect any thing from her coz i did all these willingly. But all least appreciate what i've done so far. Too bad for me. Ahhh..its really complicated...

I'm picking up myself slowly. Hanging out with friends and with the support of family members i hope i will be able to stand strong again.

Totally understand how you felt... we're here with you mate

Same situation here. The rainy days just felt like the heavens were crying with you isn't it? I felt that same way too.

Don't hope to be able to stand strong once again. In fact you MUST be able to.

Don't worry we are all here to support each other. All of us has our own stories to share but we are in the same situation and thus we shall be here to support each other to get out of this mess and start all over again.

it feels really good to read all your posts, really lifts my spirit thanks!

yeah..it feels good to be able to voice it out and get the support from friendly chaps in this forum as well as friends out there. Man its tough. Really tough. But i guess its part and parcel of living as a human being isnt it? Falling in love with the other half and eventually going our own seperate ways when things just couldn't be fixed anymore.

Yet another sunny Saturday, a good indication to a brand new start.