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Serious HOW TO GET OVER A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP, Post all "getting over" advice here

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DreMAx
post Sep 24 2009, 04:50 PM

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It's been quite a long time I enter this subforum. Upon opening this subforum I found this thread and I find it pretty useful.

Actually I myself am going through some hard times since recently my girlfriend broke off with me. Nevertheless just by reading the first post is enough to get myself clear of what I want to do from now on.

I think what people say is true. There's no use pondering and hoping to turn things around when it's already over and of course, friends can just tell us and advise us what to do and that's it. The rest is just left for us to decide what we should do and how we chose to deal with it.

It's been 2 months since my girlfriend has left me and well, I am bold enough to admit that I've been feeling stupid and down all these 2 months just because I didn't want to face the fact that it's over. Nevertheless, after recent meetings with my other peers and words of advice from them, I've come to realize that, no matter how painful it is to let go of someone whom has shared part of your life with, we all just have let it go rather than to suffer silently by ourselves.

The only way to get out of this is are easier said then done. But f*** it. If we, ourselves don't take the initiative to get going with things, those things will always be the same. Why look back and cry endlessly when you know moving forward is the only way we can all recover? Looking back, crying and regretting is not the option but moving on and picking up the pieces of our lives are very much important in live.

Just some last words here, I've finally started telling myself this:

It won't be an easy job. But I will do it. I won't try but just DO it.
DreMAx
post Sep 24 2009, 08:25 PM

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QUOTE(Baronic @ Sep 24 2009, 05:06 PM)
u sir, deserve a medal for this. seriously. haha, i have people who read it and turn around and start a sentence "but ar......."

lol. Its all in the end. Its all in your head. Keep believing in yourself, and you'll find that u can literally achieve new heights. I know u will
*
Thanks for coming back.

I used to have the "But ar..." and the "If only..." throughout the last 2 months but only after a few days ago after some really hard slapping (not physically) from a few of my best mates, I finally come to realized some things. What is done is done la. Nothing you and I can do about. Just live with it.

Thanks for the well wishes too. I've promised myself since yesterday, I am not going to look back anymore and think about it. This break up shall serve as a lesson. May this lesson turn into an experience and may this experience give a new opportunity to advance. smile.gif

BTW you may call me young since I am kinda young though. But oh well sooner or later I've gotta go through this. tongue.gif

This post has been edited by DreMAx: Sep 24 2009, 08:26 PM
DreMAx
post Sep 24 2009, 08:55 PM

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QUOTE(Cranberries @ Sep 24 2009, 08:41 PM)
I think the hardest thing to face a broken relationship is that we are not willing to let go of the sweet memory and the injustice of having those past promises which could never come true anymore.  Remember? love promises were the most beautiful moments of all...

*sigh*
*
I've got to agree with that girl. But at the end of the day there's nothing we can do about it. Personal experience and no offence to anyone reading this, I did try to steer my relationship back to it's original path twice but it didn't work out.

It takes not only one person to run the relationship but two. smile.gif

And yes, the sweeter those memories, the harder it is to let go. But like I've put it above, there's no use looking back at it anymore. No matter who's fault is it that has caused the broken relationship the blame doesn't goes straight to one person although sometimes the problem surfaces from one person.

Take for example a living one like me, initially I took all the blame for causing the downturn of my 2 year long relationship since high school. But after 2 months of self exile from people refusing to get through and accept things as they were, I've found out that it's not only me that has caused this. One way in another, my ex has her wrongs too and I have my wrongs too. (Although there were more fault in me)
DreMAx
post Sep 24 2009, 09:47 PM

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QUOTE(Baronic @ Sep 24 2009, 09:28 PM)
well, memories will stay i can tell u that, but it doesnt mean u cant have new ones, maybe better ones (or maybe not, if not try again). i can tell u for sure with my 6 exes, when i was with every single one of em (well, not every single one, but most of em) i was happy, delirious, and content. and when it was over i was obviously upset, but u learn that it happens. a relationship is like, a test drive of a car. marriage is purchasing the car. if the car isnt suitable for u, either because your legs are too short or it guzzles too much gas, then look for another car. rhetorical btw
*
Second that! There will be times when we all will cherish those past moments. However, never let those past memories affect the new relationship especially comparing with the past. I mean what is in the past should just stay in the past.

Reluctant as most people may be to see all these go into the past, there's no choice what... If you hold it with you, nothing can bring you happiness and at the end of each day, there's a grieving soul.

Although it's tough for me to let go of my 2 and a half years long relationship, I've just got to do it. There is no looking back because the facts are right there and it's been long due for me to accept those facts. I've lost the battle.
DreMAx
post Sep 24 2009, 10:17 PM

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QUOTE(Baronic @ Sep 24 2009, 09:51 PM)
but not the war friend. the war rages on, as long as you do not linger in the battlefield crying.

actually rite, i know some people who dwelve in self pity because, well, too much soap operas. its like a public mindset. "people supposed to be sad when break up so i also should feel miserable and sad also" *self pity self pity*. Not everyone is like that but often some people are. like....how to describe....rationality has been driven out, temporary insanity
*
Time to fight like a warrior as in fight through all the hard times. Ever heard of; things get rough and so does the person tongue.gif

Yea la sad is obviously something that will happen. It's human emotion but then again don't over do it. A few of my friends were with me during my first few weeks of my recent relationship break down and they saw me cry the hell out of myself. They knew how I felt and yes, friends do play a very vital role besides the family to help you go through it.

They can only cheer us on and help up get up when we fall but, we will have to move all by ourselves.

QUOTE(WhoIsKenneth @ Sep 24 2009, 10:00 PM)
We just have to look at things at a different perspective. Obviously we all are looking it at how wrong it is and wondering why this is happening to you.

Sometimes a breakup can be an awakening moment for one personally. An example of mine I was all into my ex while ago, a can live and die for her, do everything I can to make her happy. Eventually we broke up and it does took me a while to finally understand why it happens. I was so into her that I neglected my family members and friends or more importantly my purpose in life.
I lost the girl I really loves but the break up teach me the important of prioritize. Break up sucks but is it bad? It's up to you to find out and what your pain is telling or teaching you in order to helps you grow into a better you. The deeper the wound, the stronger person you will become.
*
Agree with that. Break ups does sucks but it teaches a person a whole lot of lessons. I've got my first deep wound when I was still in lower secondary and this is my second deep one which was 2 months ago. sweat.gif

Speaking of which, I am learning my lesson the hard way on how to prioritize things. I've also come a long way learning that I've not only neglected my friends and sometimes my family but also my very own.
DreMAx
post Sep 25 2009, 11:17 AM

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QUOTE(WhoIsKenneth @ Sep 24 2009, 11:02 PM)
Yes, Human learns from the hard way. Our soul or the Universe or God ( or whatever higher power you named it ) knows our problem and somehow they allowed things to happen on us, for our own good of course.

Imagine if you have a choice and God tells you how you will break up with your lover, how pain it will be to see him/her going out with another person, that you won't be able to eat, sleep and do anything, or bla bla bla ( if you're reading this I assumed you know how it feels ).

If you knew the consequences you will just say "no way, it doesn't worth going through all that for a lesson" and by that you will never truly learn life lesson. That's why things happened unexpectedly and unreasonably. All i'm trying to say is look things in a different perspective and be grateful for it instead of grieving.
*
Yes mate! I was like that the first few days. Didn't eat well, didn't sleep well and of course I didn't have the mood to do anything. The days I gone through just sucks.

I agree with your last line there, and well I am giving it my best to look at what has happened in a different point of view. Not only from my point of view but of others as well. I personally have a few friends who knows me well enough to evaluate me and well I've gotta agree with what they say. I wouldn't mind them saying that I am not a really good boyfriend to my ex because I myself know I am not the cream of the cake. After all we aren't perfect anyway.

Well enough of speaking about myself, it's time that we learn what we need to learn and well with God's power, everything will turn out well for all of us. smile.gif


QUOTE(blueicecube @ Sep 25 2009, 12:15 AM)
(I wrote this on the other thread & rewrite it here)

I am impressed with people who can go in & out a relationship and still have the will to on the next one.

I failed twice (read:dumped) & at this point of time feel that there is no way in hell I can do this again.

Maybe you guys/gals can help out on the motivation part to move on.

Or maybe I am already too old for this (maybe its my bad that I started late, hah, such a late bloomer)

*screwed*
*
Hey, don't get so down over it alright. I was in the same position as you and I've gotten enough of being like that.

Although I am a guy, I don't really go in and out of a relationship unlike some of my other guy friends. I prefer to repent and slowly learn from what and where I've done and gone wrong before I commit myself again. (No offence to anyone reading this.)

Like you, I've two big breakdowns and well I got dumped and smile.gif I don't feel like I am ready for anymore for the time being. Perhaps this is human nature I think wink.gif . Just take some time to relax alright? I am doing what I can too.

What we can offer you here is a pair of eyes (since we are reading it) or maybe a pair of eyes (if you want us to hear it). We can only help each other out by supporting each other and helping us to get up each time we fall. The rest of it, we are the ones who's going to do it.

I consider myself a late bloomer too tongue.gif
DreMAx
post Sep 25 2009, 02:19 PM

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QUOTE(blueicecube @ Sep 25 2009, 12:15 PM)
I wrote that on of those nights where, well, I can't pick myself up as I usually can.

But today its getting better (probably the bright sunlight has a lot to do with this).

I decided the best way to feel good is to help other people & get busy.

(But can't make to LYN Charity work on Sun because I have plans on that day already, maybe another time).

Since I am new here, does LYN has a 'counselling' sub-forum that maybe I can help with ? Or is there any other way I can contribute ?

Late bloomers, I think I spent my youth enjoying being single too much. And when your peers start counting how many kids they should have in 5 years time, I kinda panicked & feel pressured.

Yes, I don't deny the lesson learnt and all. I need to learn to improve my interpersonal skills & emotional control (that maybe the big fault there).

Any ideas how to those two ? (in case anyone can answer this ;-) )
*
The counselling sub-forum I guess is here though. In here we can exchange ideas and how to get over and move on. It's also helping others here.

Interpersonal skills hmmm... I've only one idea which is don't be shy to speak out and if there's anything uncomfortable find someone whom you can trust and talk to them. Being more outspoken is the only way to get out. Speak you heart out when you really want to speak especially if you're feeling down.
DreMAx
post Sep 25 2009, 02:36 PM

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QUOTE(n00b13 @ Sep 25 2009, 02:28 PM)
Might as well ask what is the meaning of life.  laugh.gif
*
That question no one can answer you know. Everyone has to find for themselves. What I suppose she's asking about it just what she can do about her EQ and her networking abilities.

It's not easy though to overcome all these obstacles when you yourself are going through the break up. It's always easier for people say and advise you what to do but, for us doing it is a absolutely difficult and hard. But like what I've said before, in order to get through it we have to do it not just trying to do it.

@blueicecube

I hope you get what we are saying here. Don't worry you're not the only one. I am going through it too. tongue.gif
DreMAx
post Sep 25 2009, 08:14 PM

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QUOTE(blueicecube @ Sep 25 2009, 05:28 PM)
Sometimes we forgot that there are bigger problems in this world other than our broken heart.

Thank you for sharing thoughts & advice.
*
Well it does depends on how those problems affect you first. For me the broken heart does affect a lot things that's why normally I prefer to deal with it sooner rather than later before it affects the other ones.

Welcome. You're appreciated.
DreMAx
post Sep 26 2009, 12:38 AM

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QUOTE(D-Zire @ Sep 25 2009, 10:37 PM)
i share the same feeling of my heart being shattered into zillion pieces when she tells me she is moving on without me. That was 1 month+ back then. Days after that were literally dark and gloomy. The rainy days didnt helped much either as I was stuck at home. I felt really emotional. Wondered why it ended like this. But as i read through all the 17 pages in this thread, i found solace. Thanks to all who have contributed constructively.

I really wished to turn back time. To those sweet times we have been through though i have to admit that it wasnt all smooth sailing too. But i know i have to face the reality. The reality is always very cruel. It was my first love. Day by day i started to realised things. Do not be a priority in someone's life when you are just an option to him/her. It made me realised that she wasnt and never really prioritise me all the times while i gave her my all. Devoted all my time for her. Attended to all her requests. In the end i got nothing but her moodswings and her cold shoulder. I know that i shouldnt expect any thing from her coz i did all these willingly. But all least appreciate what i've done so far. Too bad for me. Ahhh..its really complicated...

I'm picking up myself slowly. Hanging out with friends and with the support of family members i hope i will be able to stand strong again.
*
Same situation here. The rainy days just felt like the heavens were crying with you isn't it? I felt that same way too.

Don't hope to be able to stand strong once again. In fact you MUST be able to.

Don't worry we are all here to support each other. All of us has our own stories to share but we are in the same situation and thus we shall be here to support each other to get out of this mess and start all over again.
DreMAx
post Sep 26 2009, 01:42 PM

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QUOTE(kamiyakaoru85 @ Sep 26 2009, 10:40 AM)
it feels really good to read all your posts, really lifts my spirit smile.gif thanks!
*
Welcome welcome smile.gif

QUOTE(D-Zire @ Sep 26 2009, 12:59 PM)
yeah..it feels good to be able to voice it out and get the support from friendly chaps in this forum as well as friends out there. Man its tough. Really tough. But i guess its part and parcel of living as a human being isnt it? Falling in love with the other half and eventually going our own seperate ways when things just couldn't be fixed anymore.

Yet another sunny Saturday, a good indication to a brand new start.
*
Actually I kinda like stumbled upon this pinned thread. Luckily I did if not I wouldn't have any how to go through it even my friends out there did tell me to get along slowly.

Now who says having online friends are bad tongue.gif Okay la some are really nothing but plain cheaters but there people who are really here to help.

It is life. Life is actually quite unfair if you do look at it sometimes. You want something but you can never get it. *sighs* But nevertheless, getting over a broken relationship is not going to be an easy job. All we need is just time and be patient when things come along. I am telling myself that since the last few days I've first arrived at this thread.

QUOTE(WhoIsKenneth @ Sep 26 2009, 01:15 PM)
It's a good Saturday everybody, let's have a happy day
*
Not really good for me. *sighs* Still having some gastric doh.gif
DreMAx
post Sep 26 2009, 03:40 PM

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QUOTE(g r a p e k e y @ Sep 26 2009, 02:26 PM)
Hi everyone! How is everyone doing? I hope all is good.

I've been following up this thread for sometime and to a certain extend, I find it motivating even though I've no serious probs in my relationship.

You know.. in times of happiness or grief, I think life is awesome don’t you think so? Everyone has his or hers own life story to tell, everyone has his or hers own

memorable journey in life. I believe life is always fair to everyone. I don’t believe in sitting down and lamenting what you could have done. As the saying goes; “Life is

only but a moment, live this moment, but be responsible;”..

Looking back at yesteryears, it’s midly shocking to realize how far we've come, how much friends around us has changed. It’s been quite a journey, and it’s a longer

journey ahead. Indeed, the journey goes on but the memories remain. So I always tell myself that be proud of whom I am today because there is definitely no one else

like me. And to all you lovely people out there, life is short. make it sweet.
*
Thanks for you support! I appreciate it. Everyone is different in each and every other way and of course each and everyone of us has our very own stories to share and ways to help one another out.

I am glad you are doing well in your relationship and wishing you all the best.

Cheers!
DreMAx
post Sep 27 2009, 03:24 PM

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From now on, I'll promise myself not to use the "If's" and "But's" tongue.gif
DreMAx
post Oct 1 2009, 08:29 PM

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Or perhaps you might wanna take it down to the nature like going for camps in the jungle, or visit the waterfalls or something. Sometimes mother nature does do a lot.
DreMAx
post Oct 13 2009, 12:10 AM

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QUOTE(pinkroses @ Oct 11 2009, 08:48 PM)
best fix for a broken heart.. good friends and good ice cream. smile.gif
*
Add chocolates to the list too!! tongue.gif

Added on October 13, 2009, 12:11 amActually friends do really help in talking out all those unhappiness.

This post has been edited by DreMAx: Oct 13 2009, 12:11 AM
DreMAx
post Oct 22 2009, 11:41 PM

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QUOTE(D-Zire @ Oct 16 2009, 09:12 AM)
3 weeks are still fresh...mine was 3months ago and i still feel like crap occasionally...so it gets better day by day as you completely cut her off your life...start going out with friends..and meet more ppl...
*
Mine is coming to 3 months already after I've broken off. Still feeling crappy at times but more often than not I feel very much happier. Besides since I am so busy with my studies I hardly have time to think of it.

Nothing really helps more than friends, outings with new people and not forgetting exercises/sports/activities!

This post has been edited by DreMAx: Oct 22 2009, 11:42 PM
DreMAx
post Oct 24 2009, 11:19 PM

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QUOTE(mazarul @ Oct 24 2009, 10:33 PM)
breakup 3 week ago..hard to forget,those 4 years memories..try to keep myself busy with studies and jobs..I have so many stuff that remind me to her..from sandals,shirt,bed sheet to bantal busuk and summore.should I throw all the stuff?this is nice thread.I copy all the text..btw I can't go watch movies,,bcoz i going cinema for the first time with her..a lot of my first time activities is with her..
*
Throwing away stuff won't do much though. Just live with it. Like me I am having like 2 big jars of stars from her, our anniversary gifts for each other, some shirts she bought me and also a soft toy are still around with me.

It does somehow reminds me of her but what can I do but to move on and stop thinking about it anymore.
DreMAx
post Oct 25 2009, 03:19 PM

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QUOTE(D-Zire @ Oct 25 2009, 12:56 PM)
It will definitely be hard to let go of the 4 years relationship feeling so soon. By as day passes, your feelings will subside bit by bit. Everyday it will get better. It you think that throwing all the stuff that you have shared with her will help you to move ahead then by all means. Or you can box up all the stuff from her and keep it in a safe corner. If you two broke up on good terms then once in a blue moon you may open up the box and you will remember all the sweet memories of her and you would wish her that she is happy wherever she is and you are glad that you have shared a certain part of your life with her.

If you two broke up on bad terms then you keep it in a box and never to open again. I find it kind of wasting to throw away all the stuff. Maybe you can donate to some charity or give it up someone else if you really have no means to keep all the stuff already.
*
Wise words. Thanks for that mate. I should be doing that myself too i.e. boxing things up and safekeeping it somewhere.

Besides that, about 2 weeks ago I decided to cut my hair really short because somehow all those thoughts are lurking about every strand of my hair. So cutting it short actually makes me feel better as it's less heavier on my head, mind and soul. I wonder if it's just me or what.
DreMAx
post Oct 26 2009, 02:10 PM

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QUOTE(mazarul @ Oct 26 2009, 12:17 AM)
Thanks guys,for the advice that really helpful..I feel better today n hopefully tomorrow better than 2day..
just clean up my room that look like 'tongkang pecah'.
» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «


From now on..I promise to myself that story will be my past..I'll move on..thanks to TS,D-Zire,DreMAx n those who make this thread usefull..
*
You're welcome. Actually I came here too to get some words of advice about what should be doing next. It's not wrong to think back about it sometimes you know but, just don't get yourself into that kinda mood again. Maybe someday things will turn around and again who know it may flourish again?

After all our options are always open as long we make the right decision at the right time and of course having an open heart smile.gif

QUOTE(mypenandpencil @ Oct 26 2009, 12:49 AM)
I'll cut my long hair, feel bitter but embrace the change. Hmm... provided I have plenty of brownies, chocs and tit bits couching in my own room watching k-drama. Maybe do exercise for a whole day, maybe shop till I drop. I don't know, seriously.  unsure.gif
*
I did do something like push up till I actually dropped dead on the floor. Painful doh.gif
DreMAx
post Oct 26 2009, 04:38 PM

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QUOTE(Johannbeckham @ Oct 26 2009, 02:19 PM)
Do something worth-while. You want pain? Try joining a gym or train and run marathon's... You might get your best shape in the process and possibly attract a possible gf/bf. I did both of those by the way  rclxms.gif
*
Actually I did that I think during my first night when I couldn't sleep at all the whole night. Speaking of marathons, I don't think I will ever participate in one because I am not a long distance runner and well I don't want something to happen to like what happened to one my seniors who collapse and died in one of the recent marathons.


QUOTE(cezero @ Oct 26 2009, 02:50 PM)
this thread help me a lot ( invisble present)...finally I'm ready to move on by not letting d past become d stumbling block...
I am type of person tat owez hold on to my sad past..now nt anymore.

I'm a happy and better person now..=P when i choose to move on..

d memory is  stil killing me sometime..but i wil not let it get in my way nymore..
*
It always always feels better as in the soul has been relieved of some big pile of burden when you choose to get over with it. Yes after reading the first post by Baronic, here I've decided that I shall not let myself go deeper into sadness and pain which ruins practically everyday or my life.

I, myself too had the tendency to hold on to something in this case feelings for sometime but, it has changed a for me. smile.gif
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