There was an instance after almost 5 months
after my breakup, I clicked her profile by accident.

After that, all the pain I held back in just came
bursting out and I just wept and wept and wept.

By the time I could hear my thoughts again,
it was already morning.

I won't tell you to deny that pain. Denying it
would just mean that you want to walk away
from that memory.

... Do you want to?

Disastrous or not, you feel the way you are
right now because she has touched your soul.

She loved you.

You loved her back.

It's a miracle how it even happened.

One can only wonder if you've touched hers the
same way.

But try not to go there. You won't find the answer
if you run an infinite loop of questions in your
own head.

You will however find it when you find the strength
to meet her again one day to seek that answer.

When you are better than how you are now.

When you have decided to be in the happiest
version of yourself after she's gone.

I mean.. that's the whole reason why the break up
happened right? So that the both of you can find your
own happiness outside of one another's realities.

Regardless of how your relationship ended, a bond
was formed, and it's something very sacred that
nobody can ever take from you.

You know why your heart shakes.

And you don't need anyone to tell you to stop shaking.

It's not ideal. But hey, what fool would want to forget
the best thing that has ever happened to him anyways?

I was that fool. Once.

Until I realized that I've been blinded by a lot of noise
masked as advice and I just removed myself from that
bubble and figure everything out on my own.

I still love my ex. I admit to the fact that I still yearn
to reunite with her one day.

But more importantly, I pray for her happiness every
single day. If she's happier without me, than it's good
enough a reason for me to stay away from her.

Sure, she's gonna have her dark days and stuff. But
if she's devoted herself to maintaining a distance
between us, I shouldn't make things even more
difficult for her. I need to honour her needs.

Just because I used to be that person who gives
her that ray of sunshine on her dark days doesn't
give me the right to come barging in forcing her
to accept my sunshine.

Because before we were even lovers, we are
still friends. And friends should understand each
other, dont'cha think?

Sure, I don't know 90% of what she's really thinking.
It's probably likewise for her as well. But that shouldn't
stop us from giving us what we need from one another;

Space.

I submit to the fact that I might not be the best fit
for her. And if she finds someone better, it'll hurt
me like hell.

But I'd also know deep down that I'll be very happy
for her.

She's happy, and that's all that matters.

Why do we love someone anyways?

Isn't it to make that person happy?

I donno about you.

Me, I'm just very grateful for even having her
in my life. Glad that we had a good 4 years
together that we tried and tried and tried only
to fail again.

When we finally realized we weren't meant for
one another, we felt so dumb and helpless, so
sad and angry.

Until it hit us that we were worth a shot.

We were worth it. We took a chance at eternity.
We wanted so bad to make it happen.

So bad.

And it didn't work out.

I'd love to say it's okay. But it's never okay.
How can 2 people love each other so much that
they can't be with one another?

Especially after we fought so hard to change
ourselves to be a better fit for one another.

I know that answer now:

When 2 people finally realize that no matter how
much they loved one another, they can't let them
fulfill who they really are as people, they should love
each other enough to let each other go.

Within those failures, we were hurt so bad.

But we came out better.

I came out better.

I had to anyways.

If I didn't, it'd mean...

That I didn't learn anything.
That our relationship was a waste of time.
That I stopped loving her.
That nothing good came out of the relatinship.

And I know for sure it was anything but a
waste of time.

I chose not sully our memories and honour them
by becoming an even better person than whoever
I was when I was with her.

And that's all I could do to repay her love for me.
That's all I have to make sure our fight lives on
inside me.

I live for her every day.

And that's my strength.

She's loved me far too much for me to live as
a disappointment and throw my life away.

I sincerely hope you and everyone else out there
reading this find your strength too.

Take your time. It's not a race. You don't lose
any game from taking extra time to feel at
peace with your predicament.

Trust yourself that you'll figure it out eventually.

For a better view of my post above, and more stuff about relationships and romance, visit http://heretical-rantings.blogspot.com/search/label/Romance

Step 1: Deciding to get over it.
The most important fundamental step in getting over someone, is always, step 1, which is actually deciding to actually get over someone. Many people actually forget or consciously decide to skip this step. For example, they'll go around saying, "how do i get over this person? what should i do, i just can't think anymore!" After listening to a long lecture filled with advise, they suddenly turn around and go, "But i still love him/her! I'm not sure if i want to get over him/her!". In which case, why are you even asking about how to get over the person, when you haven't even decided if you want to? Step 1 is a step where noone can really help you. They can give you various advice, (eg. he's a d*** get over him already! or he's not someone who comes everyday, try to work it out!) but yourself have to decide whether or not you feel its over. My own advice is try thinking rationally about. Follow these simple rules.
    * When weighing the pros and cons, never ever mention to yourself : I still have feelings for him/i think he still has feelings for me.
    * Think about the cause of the trouble in the first place. If it was trust issues, like you found your partner two timing you, if your partner says he/she's sorry, and you forgive him, do you really think you can continue for the rest of your relationship and trust him whenever he/she is out of sight?
    * Think about long term compatibility. Do you think he/she would make a good husband/wife, a good parent? This forces you to think about personality traits, and habits, that may have appeared or become more noticeable only after getting into a relationship.
    * Tip: Use pen and paper in writing out pros and cons. Ask friends to help list any additional cons if you're worried you may be biased. Then decide.
    * Avoid asking yourself questions that have no answers. Eg: Was he/she lying to me all the while? Will i be forgotten? Will i find someone new?
Only when you've decided, "Yes, its over. We may/may not love each other, but the fact is, as two separate individuals, our lifestyles, habits, simply cannot match, and this relationship is over". Contrary to popular belief about love being able to conquer all, it cannot. Compromise must be reached, not plain tolerance. How long can you tolerate something, or even ONE bad thing about that person? A year? Two years? Certainly not a lifetime. You must compromise, and reach an agreement you're both happy about. Compromise. Not tolerance.

Step 2: Acceptance

Completing step 1 helps greatly in step 2. If you can decide that "Sigh, i want to get over him/her" it means you've accepted reality. You've accepted the fact that the relationship is over. You've accepted the fact, that while you've had some good times, some happy, laughing moments together, a future together, as life long mates, simply will not happen. It's okay to cry, take what time you need, get it all out of your system. Crying doesn't mean you're weak, and can't live without the person. I usually advice my friends to set a dateline, perhaps by the weekend. Cry and mourn all you want, but make a promise to yourself, that by that deadline, you will stop the period of mourning.

Metaphor: You're walking in the countryside, cool breeze in your face, the sky is brightest blue, yet sufficient clouds in the sky to make the sunlight on your skin feel just lukewarm. Suddenly, a bird flies overhead, and down comes a spray of shit, all over your head. How long will you stand there, and cry and moan and curse? Or will you decide to get yourself cleaned up? Just the same, your relationship is over, there is no true use in living in self pity, get yourself cleaned up. Wouldnt you advise anyone else to do the same?

Step 3: Methods of getting over someone

Step 3A: Power of the mind

Often people forget the power of the mind. It is certainly possible to brainwash yourself. What you say, can affect your moods and emotions. A good example is during studies, i was taught to look in the mirror, think about the subject you hate most, (in my case geography) and repeat to yourself, "I love geography". And i'd do this every single day, until geography became a tolerable subject, and even enjoyable in certain topics. By telling yourself you love the subject (even if u didnt), it encourages a positive attitude and outlook, which eventually becomes the core of your being.

Now after many break ups, i have many friends saying "I WANT to get over the person, i know it won't work out, BUT i still love him/her!"

From now on, use the power of your mind. From this very instant that you read this, make a pledge, that you will NEVER say "you still love him/her". Tell yourself everytime, "I'm moving on. I feel happy". No buts, no arguments. If in your head the thought "i may say it...but i still have feelings...", stop right there, shake your head vigorously, and tell yourself again, "No! I feel happy. I'm moving on."

Tests: So, after reading this, how do u feel, about your break up?
If you answered, still feeling down, still missing her, i still feel horrible, then read this entire step again. Your answer, should have been, "I'm starting to feel better." "I am recovering." "I'm moving on, i feel free".

Remember the power of the mind.
Step 3B: Power of the body

Few people realise that when you're in a relationship, oxytocin, a powerful peptide that makes you feel happy, contented, when you're with your partner. Have you ever felt, "Ah, the world could end right now, but i don't need anything else as long as he/she is by my side". Thats the oxytocin talking. After a break up, we often feel as if something is missing in our life. Not to ruin romanticism, but thats oxytocin missing.

Just like how a junkie gets manic depression when deprived of his drugs, lack of this feel good chemical can make you feel depressed, useless, and lonely.

So what can you do? Get substitutes! Exercise! Any form of exercise, from strenuous to the slow moving yoga, can help release feel-good hormones, that will actually make u feel refreshed and fight depression as it fills in the gap of the missing oxytocin.

Step 3C: Power of music

You KNOW that music has the power to influence your moods. You've heard the stories and metaphors a thousand times, how music can soothe the savage beast. And yet, you choose to listen to emo music, break up music, or simply music that remind you of your ex. STOP. Start listening to a different genre of music, more upbeat music. It influences your mood, it can make you happy, it can make your sad. Music is a powerful tool. Don't jab yourself up your ass with it.
Step 3D: Take time off away

For some people, step 3A, B and C may not be enough. Time heals all wounds, so if you must, feel free to take time off away from your partner. Of course, if he dumped you and he's a bas3rd, then that isn't much of a problem. But perhaps, it is a mutual break up, perhaps it was a circumstantial break up. Whatever the reason, if you wish to remain friends, perhaps, tell your ex, that your need some time alone, and you'll contact that person again when you're ready.

Done, then take your own sweet time, no rush, enjoy life. Sometimes talking to that person can bring back bad and sad memories, so take time to get away, so that step 3A, B and C can take effect. You should never need to get permanently away. A, B and C will work. Time heals all wounds. It is true. And if you disagree, and feel down, and feel you can never get over this person, please read step 3A again: Power of the mind.

Get away, meet new people, go out with friends, spend time at the movies, get a hobby, and even treat yourself, perhaps that ice cream you've been always wanting to try. You deserve it. As you've taken a huge step to self improvement. Congratulations!

So how are you feeling?
Better, much better, you're recovering, you're feeling better, you're getting a new lease on life.

For a better view of my post above, and more stuff about relationships and romance, visit http://heretical-rantings.blogspot.com/search/label/Romance