good idea, excluding her theres 2 other girls im somewhat interested in as well. 1 of them in same club as me, but i dont really know her very well, and i will be in that club for until at least next year june and i dont want to make it awkward for the next half year just in case i fail. the other one i never even talk to, but have mutual friends and seen her a few times before when i go find my friends, planning on trying to get to know her. like this enough baskets to spread my eggs over?

yeah i have, i notice that she always study at the same place, and know approximately when her classes end and where they are, so i try to go those places more. but trying to talk to her when she's studying is a bit hard since she has a big friend group, all seniors, seems quite close, only when i see her alone then i talk, but thats rare

thanks man, taken to heart, i actually feel a bit more confident

well i have noticed that she likes to talk about ppl with high gpa, and sticks around them as well. she herself is like 4.95/5 so i think my best shot is to try get as high gpa as possible for this sem, but not going that well. i think i will need to top score for every exam, but some of my midterm exams do about average only. the rest are all above average, have to seriously buck up for final exams

female friends i have 1 that i am somewhat familiar with but the rest not very close, if i was closer to them maybe i could. i think i should try getting closer to them

When talking to girls, you need to expand the topic beyond boring topics (like school) to more personal topics. Things like relationships, their dream of the future.

Ask questions and probe deeper. Be attentive and encouraging. You can start by asking abt her friends that you mutually know, then family stories before moving to even more personal stuff.

To make it natural, TS needs to have ability to attract.

For eg, how to make her spot you above the rest?

Good looks
Good grooming
Good academic results
Exuberate confidence
Smart and intellingent
Independent and gentleman
Fun and adventerous
has many common interests with her

If a gal takes notice of you, she be interested.

However if a gal has lots of guys going after her, she be waiting for you to give her attention and show her why you are above the rest of competition.

This post has been edited by hoonanoo: Nov 14 2024, 03:05 PM

I had many chances.

Like eg there was a girl that used to ask me for a lift to university.

we lived almost in the same neighborhood.

I have been taking her to uni for the past 2 years.

Just the 2 of us in the car.

if you handsome, no need talk so much, she will talk to you la

update.
same same, i think its ok but not progressing. she always says hi and talks to me, thats good, i think just means that she thinks of me as friend.

but thats the issue, i want more. so last time i saw her tried to talk a bit more, but at first all my friends pressure me until i couldnt let out a word and just blindly stare, jialat. so i just stared until she said something, thankfully she did. so i talked to her a bit more, i keep trying to take interest in whats shes doing, but she doesnt give very long replies, a bit dry. so even though i had quite a few things to talk to her about, 70% of the time its silence.
and i notice a few weird things.
1. i ask her something, she replies me 2 sentence, then only elaborates to her best friend whos sitting next to her. cant say im not jealous, but this is expected la, im just another junior while shes her best friend. except that im the one talking to her.
2. she does laugh at the dumb things i say, but i cannot tell what kind of laugh it is.
3. when i asked when shes going clubbing, (since last year she wanted to invite some poeple including me to clubbing, but no one ever went because of miscommunication). maybe she misheard what i asked, since got loud music playing, but she said that clubbing is an activity you usually go with people you are close to, and trust, and would want to get closer with.(she said this in a more agitated way, but not angry. like she wants it to be made totally clear) but when i asked her again whether shes going this sem, she just said very busy, in a more bored tone. which is not wrong, she got a lot of school things going on


interpretation of her signals:
1. shes not comfortable with me, probably after i stared at her for so long. at least i stared at her eyes la not her chest.
2.real laughs because of my attempt at comedy, but again, not comfortable
3. she knows that im interested, and is saying that i have a long way to go still.

am i correct in mind reading? but how to proceed from here? valentines day coming up, should i say something indirectly about it? (what u doing for v day???) or should i just continue on like before, just trying to keep it natural? but problem with second approach is it takes time

This post has been edited by Police4896: Feb 3 2025, 12:54 AM

Bro, girl is very simple!!!!!

Base on what you write out, 101% you are not No 1 in queue.

Girl with no relationship experience (Fresh).

1. Handsome.

2. Height min 180cm.

3. Sweet talk.

4. Flower.

5. Car (+ point).

Girl with light relationship experience (Few Hand).

1. Always look clean n smart.

2. Height min 170cm.

3. Sweet talk.

4. Flower.

5. Car.

6. Good Profession

Girl with ton relationship experience (Public Washroom).

1. Flower.

2. Flash Car.

3. Flash House.

4. ATM

P/S: With all this, please enjoy all your hard earn money yourself. Last please avoid.

Base on my life experience, if girl like you...

1. Your call / message, she will pick up or reply instantly.

2. She always laugh on what you do or say.

3. She will ask you do A to Z for her.

Based on your updates,

I feel like you're in limbo now.

If I were in your shoes, I'd probably find someone else to pursue; she does not seem interested.

While you're at it, communicate more and learn some social skills so that when you approach someone else in the future, you'll be better.

All the best TS, if you want to still pursue her, I think still got chance. But not high la.

TS, don't you think whatever you are doing contradicts the title vs. your action + impatience?

You put such a high expectation & desire; don't you feel suffocated & burdened with such expectations on yourself? Don't you think you are putting so much burden of expectation on the opponent to reciprocate? The more you expect, the more you will act unnaturally because you care so much until you forget to interact.

Why not lower the expectation from such a high expectation to nothingness? Don't expect it; if things turn out positive, isn't it a bonus? Wouldn't your conversation & interaction be more natural & carefree?

If you think you have a long way to go, does raising the topic about Valentine's Day sound wise? Isn't it akin to an indirect yet an obvious confession?

21 y.o., go hit more walls, gain more experience. You got mountains to climb & seas to cross.

3 months and absolutely no progress.

Be a man and ask her out on a date. Be a man and accpet rejection gracefully if it comes to that.

And no, dont ask her out on valentines day. Thats increase chance of rejection.

thanks bro. for me i think i will take the advice quite a lot of ppl tell me, which is to not try so hard. i am looking at other girls la but none other seem to fit "my type" as much as her... except for a phd student who ta'd once for one of the classes i went to, but age gap a bit big and no more chance to see her. i felt that i should have done something back then? but nothing came to my mind that wouldnt be weird.

one thing i think i really should work on is how to truly meet new people, as in figuring out the basic things of self introduction, getting to know other party on basic level, then maybe ask for contacts or whatever if they seem interested....

that actually... makes so much sense. she doesnt owe me anything, why should i expect her to be interested? some of my friends told me the same thing but i didnt really take it too seriously, i guess i didnt understand. the more i want it, the less likely ill get it.

but to explain, i felt that i was making no progress at all, and before the last time i saw her at the event, i havent seen her since beginning of october. so i felt that i really should make the most out of any interactions i do get. we dont share any classes, the one i thought i would share with her because the syllabus changed and moved classes around last year, she told me she took 1 year early compared to the rest of her batch.
i feel that if i do the slow approach might be more likely to succeed, but if i do it that slowly i think she might graduate before even getting to the point of asking her out for a date.

idk bro. more like 6 months in, feels like it only got worse. again, not much chance of interaction. but really, if i know she would reject why would i ask?

This post has been edited by Police4896: Feb 7 2025, 01:15 AM

I think it's good to just try and socialise even if they are not fully your type.

Most important thing now is to learn how to be good in socialising and gain some confidence. You'll slowly know what to talk about, know how to act around certain situations and this can benefit you in the long run.

All the best man, you can do it!

If she wants to reject you she'll reject you no matter whether you guys are close or not.

Just be upfront with your intentions.

Dude, I can't help but feel this was a hint for you to invite her out?

Why are you asking her if she's going clubbing? Just take her la!

Speaking from someone in 30s who had 2 years-long crushes, I'd say the rejections are lessons/motivations for a better future you

More specifically, when my first love rejected me, I was still immature then so I didn't really improve myself much as I wallowed in self despair thinking how unlovable I was, I continued with that self fulfilling prophecy.

The last big crush I had lasted a few years and it was also when I was having hard times in life. I guess the hard times was what I needed for me to change my inner voice to stop the self negativity as the first step. I started talking to myself literally to get to know myself, and there I knew more things I wanted to change and it just kind happened. I'm glad he rejected me that day because I wouldn't be where I am today otherwise. I mean, yeah those years were painful, but time healed me and now I can talk about it again with just slight nostalgia, no sadness.

Good luck and come what may, you have a long life ahead of you.

a bit awkward la during the event since her friend was right next to her
but even if shes alone i dont think i would ask, since i know she almost definitely going to reject, then why bother asking? shouldnt i wait until i have higher chance of success then ask?
and for me la i feel that shes trying to say the exact opposite of what you interpreted. bcos i am not close to her at all, an acquaintance at most. so i think she saying, no, try make friends first then see.

thanks for the reassurance. no worries, i have a few other targets in mind but none really compare, except for one that is even harder to get so might as well give up on that one

Oh my young padawan... you are just making excuses to protect your ego from being hurt by rejection. Losing sight that the reward of success is ripe for the taking if you only had the courage to fail.

Terus terang tell you, we man are f`king stupid when it comes to this ok. I look back at the countless signals I got and totally ignored or convinced myself otherwise in the past; feel really bodoh, thankfully I learnt over time.

Simple fact is, you were once invited to go clubbing. So you're already vetted as "person who want to get closer with". You keep asking when she's going is you being really passive, so if she's interested in going with you... you're not giving her the opportunity to follow your lead.

Stop making excuses and be distracted by "other targets". You have someone who's really your target, then just go for it. Your best chances of success is if you're sincere and committed. If you fail, so be it. Its not the end of the world, but at least you gave your best. You will learn from the experience.

Continue down this path, and you'll always be full of indecision and self-doubt. Even if you succeed with other targets, it won't last or work out. Your confidence will not be built because you will chicken out again when it really matters.

Choose wisely.

hmmm.... ok makes total sense. ok fark it next time i see her i try to talk a bit more, then after that text her a bit, then after that go ask her out for a date. but then havent seen her in a while, but my friends all have seen her, so its possible that she has been avoiding me, maybe better to respect her wishes?

Respect her wishes? What the fish are you? The freaking genie? Stop pussyfooting around and man the hell up.

Itu helang gave you good guide liao

I summarize for you in layman terms
You feel you are not going to get her
You feel she will reject you

So basically, you sudah kalah, 0, zilch, makan telur, kosong.

Which means there’s NO HARM TRYING, cause you Memang have nothing what. So don’t be shy.

Just dress smart and clean, don’t overdo your cologne that’s weird. Be confident, when you walk up to her if her friend is there just say hi to them because nobody likes a rude prick, tell her she looks very nice today and miss seeing you and just ask her out. In front of the friend. If she asks why, just tell her to her face because I like your company. It’s true, and you jantan, so why scared to say it.

F*** that texting shit. Ask her to her face.

When out with her, don’t freaking beat around the bush. Ask questions that help you. Ask why she single, what she looking for in a relationship (don’t ask what she look in a man cause if the answer is Brad Pitt you no 180cm and not handsome you effectively bury yourself), what she values in life, talk about her hopes and her dreams. Get to know her.

Basically, you are a salesman trying to sell yourself. The wrong way is to tell her the features of benefits of yourself and talk non stop. Stfu. When you want to sell something, find out what the person is looking for, what they want, then sell to address that need.

She likes you lah. But she waiting for you to man the f up. On the date itself if you can sell yourself to meet her needs, just say “I think we can make this work together and I’d like to try it with you, what you’d say?”

And that’s done

Or you can continue drama like pondan, what if she don’t like me. What if she upset at me I didn’t go clubbing with her. What if tomorrow Thanos snap his finger. Enough lah. You man then just do it.

Shit Kumar the cross dresser more decisive than you.

ok update. somehow i got a bit of progress, didnt ask her out for date, but its something. one day i wave to her at canteen but she just pretend didnt see me, so i know something up. then after that i go buy coffee, i try not to look at her but i notice she just stared at me as i walk by, and the whole time she was sitting alone. never saw her like that, so i know something up dy. then i walk inside building, think a bit, walk back out, wanted to ask her is she ok. but then she saw me come out of building, then just laid her head on the table. then i go text her r u ok,

surprisingly she said, thanks for asking (with emoji), im ok just have terrible stomachache.

ok so i think she period la obviously. then next day i go and bought dark chocolate since google say its good for period cramp, but didnt see her so no chance to give. ok end of story. but i think this is positive.
what do i do now? i think i should continue on this trajectory, every week inch forward a bit until eventually she in my bed wihtout even noticing whats going on. but i dont want to shock too much also

This post has been edited by Police4896: Mar 28 2025, 01:28 AM