Wait.. she had lunch with you on the valentine's day, means she probably had dinner with someone else at night. She was probably seeing other ppl and using you as a backup.

Don't let her words eat into you. What u r like her ex bullshit it's not your fault.
Don't be demoralised thinking that you are not good enough that's why it didn't work.
Just move on, it takes both hands to clap, when the moment comes, you will know it.

I'm also against the 'theory' that you must sleep with the girl ASAP..

This post has been edited by Alocasia: Feb 29 2024, 08:23 PM

What if the girl refused for sex until after marriage. What then?

what if...what if...
Ts didnt even pull the trigger
and you already speculate sex after marriage
very funny lmao

If ts is charismatic knows what he's doing, he can use that opportunity to create good atmosphere and make sex happen on late afternoon, its definitely doable

problem i can see is he has limitations when it comes to dating and sex

Cause I don't know kind of girls you are seeing, the girls I am seeing all share same values with me. Sex only after marriage. Maybe they are bluffing me.

For me, personally I am glad such people still exist, that means my value is still relevant today.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Feb 29 2024, 09:13 PM

She's a family oriented person and lives with her family all the time. Her parents will never allow any guys to sleepover at her house until its after marriage which she told me. So not initiating sex is not the main cause of issue here.

Ive slept with girls who is family oriented
so your reasoning doesnt apply to mine

I have a feeling it’s 99% she found someone else. You having similarities with her ex is an excuse.

Be thankful she dump you early in the relationship.

Forget about her and move on to the next Tinder/okcupid date.

any people can bluff you
Include my stories
cause in your mind you already have a preconceived motion of how things should come to a conclusion

thats a narcissistic trait of a success or victim
the thing is any female can tell you stories, but whats most honest is how they behave with you at that particular moment

If a girl doesnt sleep with a guy three four seven dates, and she doesnt invest particularly more it can either mean she has a motive by not giving up sex ((ie gold digger), or she just treats the guy like a backup cause he is not arousing to her

I feel sad for u, not sure what you've gone through in life, to only see sex as the ultimate pursuit in courtship, and to feel the need to flex about ur charisma online to boost ur ego.
Bringing other ppl down online doesn't make u a more successful person online/in real life.

She: thx for ur gifts. I got bigger fish now. Kthxbye

you see i bring down people?
thats your perspective bro
my point is i give value based on my pursuits
take it or leave it

if you feel annoyed that means you have more work to do.

every guy has potentials to be self aware and not be a doormat or being pushed over

Hi TS, first of all, I'm sorry to hear that. Now it's time for you to pack up and move on.

Packing up:
It's fine to reflect on the failure, but it's starting to sound like you're drowning in your own toxic thoughts as if you were at fault. Remember: relationship/communication is a two-way establishment, so when it fails, there's often fault in both sides.

Take her words with a pinch of salt. She could be saying the truth and if she was, great! It's not your fault, she was the one with emotional baggage. If she was lying, she may have many other reasons why she lied and I'm pretty sure none of it would matter at this point.

Perhaps you have a naggy internal monologue: who am I to think she would like me....
For you to think like that means you have low self esteem. You dislike something about yourself. Do something about it then! I can tell you ah... "Looks is not important" is a lie. Bro I just can't kiss someone with crooked black teeth ok. Just because people say, "if you don't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best", that doesn't mean you should actively BE your worst. I simply disagree with that saying.

I personally believe in gradual commitment/investment. There are a lot of social norms/pressure for both men and women -- you are expected to do this and that otherwise you're not good.
- "guys should pay for the first date"
- "guys must pamper girls"
- "girls must return favour with their bodies" (examples right here in this thread)
In case you haven't heard, some pretty lady scammers on dating apps show a lot of attention and love on chat, and when they meet up, they die die must go to specific restaurant and die die must order wine, and then pretend they forgot wallet, or simply pressure you into paying hundreds or even thousands for a stupid cheap wine. This is them playing into the norm that "men should pay for first date". Naive/Egoistical men give in to the pressure end up hurting themselves.
It's important to work around these norms while protecting yourself from scammers, gold diggers or anyone who tries to take advantage of you. That said, I personally have a "correct answer" to the first norm: when the first date goes well, guy should pay first, then the girl should reciprocate on the next. Give both parties chance to give and take, make it a beautiful cycle of investing onto each other.

So question to you: what do you think was the investment ratio between you both? Consider in various aspects:
1. Time - who's initiating more? Whose replies are longer? Who is taking more effort to do something e.g. fetching another or driving longer distance to meet?
2. Money - who's paying more? Is there give and take?

If you found your answer disproportionate to your own beliefs/ideal, then you have over-invested. She hadn't put in the effort you wanted so why would you be so attracted to her?

I've also had a fair share of failures when I was looking to date - you know the saying that regret doing it is better than regret not doing it. Yeah I followed that advice and now I regret doing a few things and it still sucks lol. Jokes aside, I learned my lessons and now I know what not to do. Perhaps there could be something you did that didn't turn out good?

Moving on:
Now you've figured out your problems, time to heal. I said something about your over-investment... Here's another way to put it:
the fact that the other person is not attracted to you should be a turn off to you. I went through a few unrequited love myself to realise this in order to move on... And this was by watching motivational videos that would be cringey to a few lol.

Every encounter is a learning experience. You learn more about women and most importantly, yourself. Just remember it's important to keep an open mind and bring the best version of you every time, so processing your failure and properly packing up your emotions is important to ensure you don't carry toxicity/bias to the next lady that could be your "one".

------
The sex debate:
A woman can be sexcited for you and yet still maintain self control out of loving/protecting herself. Perhaps I sound insulting to other ladies who are open to casual hookups, but this is my personal belief: I'd like to avoid having accidental baby because I want to be better prepared and AT LEAST with the right person -- a long term committed partner. I do not want to take contraceptives that have risks and/or side effects to my health, and in general, most birth controls is not 100% success rate.
Someone you met only 5 times isn't likely to take responsibility to become a parent with you. If you're thinking about abortion, then you need to consider legality, ethics and also your own future health/fertility.

Now, men can also be sexcited for a lady he likes but a gentleman would respect her decision and not push for it even though he wants it. I'm not concluding that the woman should never give it -- I'm just saying both sides should respect each others' boundaries and work things out together. There'll always be compromise/sacrifice, but a healthy relationship would not be lopsided -- or at least, both parties should not feel lopsided.

So, think about what kind of lady you want to attract. Some think that it's also to gain experience and just enjoy the moment, so it's all up to you.

She's already got someone better than you. It hurts. But chin up. Look forward. How you handle failures shapes you more than any success you obtain.

dont put all your eggs in one basket

go out, enjoy yourself

date as many as you can

take it easy

the more u pamper someone u just barely knew, it makes you look very easy, 'very available', and not attractive at all.

so, date as many as you can, so that you are busy with so many women, and NOT busy with one woman only.

Meanwhile i support that theory, because it was a hard and real lesson to me. I hit it off very well with some girls, at the end they hint there should be something more after the date, but i brushed it aside and don't want to appear i want to bed her.

No more next date after that, they don't even want to see you anymore. After a few times then i switched to "bed her asap" theory again, things worked this time.

Why was i against that theory in the beginning? My first ex made me think it's wrong to keep thinking want to bed girls, and broke up with me. I was so stupid.

A few lessons u can learn here:

1) People won't appreciate anything that's too available for them. You gotta make yrself scarce sometimes by having hobbies n not meeting her that often. Let her be the one looking for u.

2) Don't put all yr eggs into 1 basket. Always remember that the other party is dating several other ppl before choosing the right one to commit to

3) I know it's painful to get over someone who's not even yr partner but the thing is the pain that u're feeling now is less than the pain u'll feel if u guys really couple up n break up later. Trust me, I've been in this situation a few times n it always takes me abt a couple of days to get over it. You WILL heal eventually

You can't prevent shit from happening but u can control how u react towards it so stop blaming yrself n take this incident as a learning curve and don't repeat the same mistake next time. Good luck!

This post has been edited by parisiansky: Mar 1 2024, 09:00 AM

Until she is exclusively yours , you also should have options.

It's quite obvious that you are the one putting all the effort.

Always impressed wirh ur long speech.