Hi TS, first of all, I'm sorry to hear that. Now it's time for you to pack up and move on.

Packing up:
It's fine to reflect on the failure, but it's starting to sound like you're drowning in your own toxic thoughts as if you were at fault. Remember: relationship/communication is a two-way establishment, so when it fails, there's often fault in both sides.

Take her words with a pinch of salt. She could be saying the truth and if she was, great! It's not your fault, she was the one with emotional baggage. If she was lying, she may have many other reasons why she lied and I'm pretty sure none of it would matter at this point.

Perhaps you have a naggy internal monologue: who am I to think she would like me....
For you to think like that means you have low self esteem. You dislike something about yourself. Do something about it then! I can tell you ah... "Looks is not important" is a lie. Bro I just can't kiss someone with crooked black teeth ok. Just because people say, "if you don't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best", that doesn't mean you should actively BE your worst. I simply disagree with that saying.

I personally believe in gradual commitment/investment. There are a lot of social norms/pressure for both men and women -- you are expected to do this and that otherwise you're not good.
- "guys should pay for the first date"
- "guys must pamper girls"
- "girls must return favour with their bodies" (examples right here in this thread)
In case you haven't heard, some pretty lady scammers on dating apps show a lot of attention and love on chat, and when they meet up, they die die must go to specific restaurant and die die must order wine, and then pretend they forgot wallet, or simply pressure you into paying hundreds or even thousands for a stupid cheap wine. This is them playing into the norm that "men should pay for first date". Naive/Egoistical men give in to the pressure end up hurting themselves.
It's important to work around these norms while protecting yourself from scammers, gold diggers or anyone who tries to take advantage of you. That said, I personally have a "correct answer" to the first norm: when the first date goes well, guy should pay first, then the girl should reciprocate on the next. Give both parties chance to give and take, make it a beautiful cycle of investing onto each other.

So question to you: what do you think was the investment ratio between you both? Consider in various aspects:
1. Time - who's initiating more? Whose replies are longer? Who is taking more effort to do something e.g. fetching another or driving longer distance to meet?
2. Money - who's paying more? Is there give and take?

If you found your answer disproportionate to your own beliefs/ideal, then you have over-invested. She hadn't put in the effort you wanted so why would you be so attracted to her?

I've also had a fair share of failures when I was looking to date - you know the saying that regret doing it is better than regret not doing it. Yeah I followed that advice and now I regret doing a few things and it still sucks lol. Jokes aside, I learned my lessons and now I know what not to do. Perhaps there could be something you did that didn't turn out good?

Moving on:
Now you've figured out your problems, time to heal. I said something about your over-investment... Here's another way to put it:
the fact that the other person is not attracted to you should be a turn off to you. I went through a few unrequited love myself to realise this in order to move on... And this was by watching motivational videos that would be cringey to a few lol.

Every encounter is a learning experience. You learn more about women and most importantly, yourself. Just remember it's important to keep an open mind and bring the best version of you every time, so processing your failure and properly packing up your emotions is important to ensure you don't carry toxicity/bias to the next lady that could be your "one".

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The sex debate:
A woman can be sexcited for you and yet still maintain self control out of loving/protecting herself. Perhaps I sound insulting to other ladies who are open to casual hookups, but this is my personal belief: I'd like to avoid having accidental baby because I want to be better prepared and AT LEAST with the right person -- a long term committed partner. I do not want to take contraceptives that have risks and/or side effects to my health, and in general, most birth controls is not 100% success rate.
Someone you met only 5 times isn't likely to take responsibility to become a parent with you. If you're thinking about abortion, then you need to consider legality, ethics and also your own future health/fertility.

Now, men can also be sexcited for a lady he likes but a gentleman would respect her decision and not push for it even though he wants it. I'm not concluding that the woman should never give it -- I'm just saying both sides should respect each others' boundaries and work things out together. There'll always be compromise/sacrifice, but a healthy relationship would not be lopsided -- or at least, both parties should not feel lopsided.

So, think about what kind of lady you want to attract. Some think that it's also to gain experience and just enjoy the moment, so it's all up to you.

I like to explain the caveats and nuances to avoid misunderstanding or being taken out of context... Happy to do so as long as someone out there is willing to listen/engage in healthy debate.

The modern era is very much polarised and it's already apparent in this forum. Stereotypes/bias is human nature to speed up our processing to quickly filter out "potential same type of person who have wronged us previously", so it's important to be conscious of that: recognise that they exist to protect you, but also understand that being overprotected may prevent growth, or worse, that the protection is applied against the wrong person.

The 100 humans social experiment on netflix was a fun watch to understand that subconscious.

Depends how you define "broken". Would you label yourself "broken" too? I mean, sorry to be blunt but I can also say that your divorce made you a "broken" person too right?

So, why do you define these women as "broken"? How do you find that out?

I think it's inevitable as one ages, s/he gains more battle wounds/scars of life. Some are fresh wounds they're actively trying to heal, some are years old scars that still itch to date. I think it's a matter of how bad the current scars are -- do you think you can tolerate these ongoing issues, assuming you fail to help them heal / they can't heal? Some people can be a wonderful person beyond the pain, but some warp to a point of no return because of the pain.

You're nearing 40 so unlike a young chap new to love, ladies your age are likelier to be unavailable or "broken", so your choice becomes limited. On the flip side, you know what it means to be broken. Empathy is like a psychic power to read people's mind.