Knew a girl through OkCupid. At first everything was going super smooth. We used to flirt around and chat everyday and we did called each other every night before sleep. Almost every day we will send goodnight and goodmorning messages and sometimes she even felt super worried for me if i did not get enough sleep the day before since we chatted till late night through the phone.

Have went through a total of 5 dates within a timespan of 2 months. Bought her gifts, went shopping together and during valentines day, invited her out for lunch and brought her a box of chocolate as well. She was very thankful and shows how much she appreciated me. Things suddenly went downhill soon after. Started noticing her getting very passive, her messages takes longer time to reply and conversation feels very dry. Sometimes she will just reply me a single sentence message that's all.

I knew something was wrong already but i still brush it off. Thought she could be busy with her work. There's one day where i was asking how was she doing? She replies me with a single thumbsup that's all. Fast forward 11 hours till late night she hasn't replied me a single message but i thought she could be busy as she did told me the day before she will be attending her colleagues Chinese new year open house. So i did ask her again how she was doing. Got a reply shortly after telling me that she is on the way back home. She even shares me pictures of her with her colleagues during the open house.

Chat conversations went back to normal for few days after she even shares me pictures of what she's doing, the food she ate but she still feels very passive and the messages feels very dry. So did arrange with her yesterday for another date and she agrees to do so. Went to confess to her how much i like her and so on then shortly she tells me at most she could only be a friend to me and she says i share a lot of similarities with her ex 🫠 and she can't find the spark between both of us.

My heart sank literally after I heard that. Feels like i got hit hard by a bullet. I did everything for her everything I could and with all the effort time I threw into her all gone down to the drain flushed away 🥺. And now i can't sleep all night because of that. But she did apologized to me she shouldn't have wasted my time with so many dates.

This post has been edited by Kennchew: Feb 29 2024, 11:50 AM

stand up, dust ur backside n move on to the next match. don't look back n keep on swiping.

Next time play hard to get....you just too easy...you no value from her standpoint

you need her more than she need you

you lose.

I'm so sorry the hear that.
Hopefully you will find the true one soon.
Take your time to be sad, feel pain and finally you will move on.
Hugged

never try never know, even failed this time but next time maybe u can win with your experienced

but i think the problem is the chocolate gift

But what makes you think its the chocolate gift?

If you didnt sleep with her within 5 dates, some guys already had and she already divert the attention onto him.

Thats why i always say try to sleep with a girl and dont show commitments before she show the same level of effort

this is the hard lessoning every nice guy will learn.

you knew something was wrong but you didnt set a boundary because you're afraid you going to lose her

normally if its yours, you dont try hard you still win her


This post has been edited by Chaud: Feb 29 2024, 01:58 PM

i take it you have not piap her yet

I could be wrong, but she sounds like the "dismissive avoidant" type. Once you show signs of deeper feelings or intimacy, they will withdraw themselves out of fear of engulfment. Your Valentine's gift and later confession seems to be the trigger points. There's not much you can do if this is the case.

well sorry to say she might got someone else , one of the reason why she told you , she just can be a friend to you

even it's very painful , just move on , i do believe you will get someone better then her

"she says i share a lot of similarities with her ex and she can't find the spark between both of us."

Sounds like she hasn't got over her previous relationship wound. The chances of dating her will be super slim.

You deserve a girl who is emotionally available and ready to love you.

That happens to me. Don't bother. Nothing heart sank. Told her ok. Wish her all the best and she blocked me. Haha... For me, I wait around 10 dates to 6 months before I decide if want to do anything (make it official(

Accept it. Unless you have exclusive talk with her likely she meet another guy who is able to give her feelings. Some girls want the feeling before they continue.

Breaking up means a part of you died. Buried it move on. Unfollow her on all social media. Delete her number. Get back to finding people.

Whether you should sleep with a girl as soon as possible is a debate. Some claims it is like a cheat code in game where the girl will like you straight away. For me, I am against it.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Feb 29 2024, 05:47 PM

go on dates is to check right or not ma. so ok la. not to say she wasted time. u aso no waste anymore time ma. at least u guys spend some time together.

Yes i did unfollowed her social media and deleted all her whatsapp photos including the entire chat as well but now still have to deal with those dark thoughts inside my head keep telling me what went wrong? It feels kinda quiet now without receiving any further message from her

No one wasted any time and no one is at the wrong here. It's just there is no fate between the two of you that's all. You both met on a dating site to try things out. After trying, you are ready, but the girl is not, that's all to it. You need to stop overthinking and move on.

You really won't know what went wrong unless she tell you. Like the girl I was seeing for 6 months said she went me to spend more time with her, and she dont have the feeling she is looking for.

For me, very simple. She don't want me, her loss. I move on.

Here's a podcast on moving on by tripp advice. Not bad podcast.
https://www.everand.com/listen/podcast/448129261

I listen to him on apple podcast but the link above will also give you the same thing without needing to search for it.

well said , same goes with me , if the girl shows the sign not into it , just say goodbye and move on

why no fate?
In my perspective, ts is not pulling the trigger by bringing her home
If she has had sex with him, the end result maybe slightly different