unlike men, women are wired differently.
we box everything in compartments. money, work, marriage

but for women, everything is connected.

firstly, she just had a baby, her emotions are all jumbled up

its not the amount of money, but what the significance is behind the giving.
negotiating with her like an employee is a bad move.
her complaint is that her collegues spouse put money into their purse when they see its empty. it could be anything from RM10-RM10000! the amount was not the issue but the thought of it that counts.

second, when you married her, did you have a thought in your mind that there will be another wife in the future? certainly not, right? if so, what is the issue with giving her 5k as she will be just keeping it if she is a good wife.

for the sake of your marriage relationship, you have to do the man thing.

buy her flowers, if she like them
apologise for not giving her an allowance before she asked
in other words, romance her la like you did before you married her.

and give her the allowance she asked for, say that you actually meant to invest it for the son, but she comes first (mean it la).

a marriage relationship is a dynamic one, it changes like the weather depending on the kinds of input you put into it.

all the best to you.

She washed ur underwear n clothes n give birth a son, okay 5k is reasonable can consider.

you guys need to sit down and see it as a combined household income and work out what needs to go to where. it's not about who earns the most in the family and who earns lesser. If this was the case you should have put this as a criteria before you get married or check her background so that you are marrying a partner your same level.

The fact that you have a kid with her says that the above is not really an issue for you so just sit down and write down all income streams and agree on these are the funds going to these different expenses.

Work it out, that what married couples should be doing. Understand what she needs when she said she wants some extra allowance?. is she paying for her own car and her own expenses is still quite high?.

She doesn't do my laundry or cook FYI. I do those things at home

What she just did was to compare you to some irrelevant strangers out there, and that is toxic, just like how you should not compare your kids to other kids who score better, and say why can't you do the same. This might be one of the reasons you're upset, and I think she should know what she said has hurt you. But again, this is a one sided story from you, so I hope you keep an open mind that you may have also said something that hurt her.

The amount of money is very relative to every person, every amount may mean differently. For example....
To me, I earn way less so 5k a month is A LOT, but 500 is acceptable. To her (my guess), you earning 30k is a whole lot, 5k should be easy money.
To you (my guess), 5k to "waste" is too much, because there isn't enough to spare after all the expenditures.

So I think what's missing is a breakdown of both of your expenditures.
You need to justify to her where all that money you have is going, and what's a comfortable amount you can give to her.
She needs to tell you why she wants that amount, for what, and how is she is currently spending her own money.
Both have to be transparent and open to each other's view. I understand why you say you don't expect her to contribute to the family expenditures at all, considering the fact that you make a whole lot more. But it sounds to me that at the same time, you sound a little condescending to your wife, that she is totally not spending at all for the family and her own 5k goes to branded bags. Sorry if my assumption of your thoughts came completely off, but if it has any hint of truth at all, then you ought to learn how she's spending, so that you can have a peace of mind that the amount you are about to give is an amount you're okay with going down the drain. But then again, I believe that financial planning is a must for everyone and I'm not talking about investment; I mean the awareness of your money inflow and outflow, so that you can make better decisions and plan for the rainy days.

All that said, allow me to shamelessly introduce to you my annual budget tracker spreadsheet check it out in my signature, if you'd like to try it out with your wife

Honestly speaking, your wife is vulnerable to other men who can splurge money.

I am not trying to frighten you but you need to do something and not brushed it aside.

When I enquire about her money spending she says the make up I buy is so I look good for you. You don't want to be seen with a run down wife right? Clothes? Also same.

She says she wants a maid and I said no eventhough she doesn't do any house chores. I ask about her cc and it seems to be always maxed out. When we first got married I was shocked she was just paying her maxed out cc with monthly minimal payment & had to settle it by closing one of her ILP & close the cc.

Now she's back with the cc problems.

Not wee bit worried about that. My parents are divorcees. Not a stranger to using marriage as a black mail

u give rm3k is enough... her RM5K is more than enough for her... my wife earned more than me still complaining i dont give her money... i paid almost everything in the house.. house loan, car loan, utility bill, her ipad(2), iphone& recently spent rm20K reno kitchen for... now i am fkin broke... last time i remembered i asked rm400 to pay for the car loan, half amount of it... tidak kena layan but she paid RM700 essential oil scam, kain kayangan, periuk kayangan & coway air filter....
u can never satisfied them...

Not refering to blackmail thou but one who 'enjoys' sitting in the middle of the fence.

She doesn't do any house chores and have credit card debt? These 2 already red flag but nasi sudah jadi bubur. Good luck to you TS.

[12/06, 11:56] : I'm open to discussion
[12/06, 11:56] : I'm opening up now
[12/06, 11:56] : And I don't mind discussing
[12/06, 11:57] : You shut me down now then you suppress it
[12/06, 11:57] : Next time we fight you bring it up again
[12/06, 11:57] is that fair to me?


[12/06, 11:59] Other ppl don't even need to hv this kinda discussion
[12/06, 11:59] The husband just give
[12/06, 12:00] Cos it just be a biz transaction
[12/06, 12:00] No different from a hooker and her client

Sounds like she is financially illiterate and is assuming that your wealth is also hers (without understanding where your money actually goes). She also sounds incredibly spoiled and has princess syndrome... Huge red flag, I'm inclined to agree 5k to her is unwise, but also you gotta help her learn to manage her finances. If she cannot keep her spending in check and always maxing out CC, she will always wait for your money to bail her out, and continue to splurge, that can't end well even for your marriage...

Her argument of spending on makeups doesn't make sense because you don't eat makeups it's a yearly/quarterly purchase depending on how much you apply. Me personally, it's once every expired products (3 years+?) Because I only use makeup in formal occasions, which is really rare. But that was probably figurative... That she meant to spend on beauty packages like facial, eyebrows yadayada (and yes this can be pretty expensive). But again, "for you" is a poor excuse to justify her splurging, because I'm sure you very much prefer to see her in simple clothes and looks, and you take your 5k put into your children's education. Or unless you actually care a lot about her becoming your trophy wife to show off around...?

This post has been edited by Takudan: Jun 12 2021, 12:13 PM

5k salary, no commitment and max out cc?
i suggest both sit down and discuss not arguing

if you don't see this behavior during dating, then good luck mate.

This is why you should've talked about finances and got a prenup in advance.

[12/06, 12:25] Anyways I don't see a point of discussing
[12/06, 12:25] Cos that just seems rather sad and pathetic on my part
[12/06, 12:26] : How sad that I need to hv a discussion to see how much my husband is willing to give his money from his heart
[12/06, 12:26] I rather not have any money from u
[12/06, 12:26] And just depend on myself
[12/06, 12:26] I hv been doing that all this while

Sigh... Guys help? I'm so lost on what to do

This post has been edited by Avangelice: Jun 12 2021, 12:27 PM

I will give my wife rm5-6k if she full time housewife and take the child else rm1-2k if she earned rm5k.

Both of you are on the same team.
I'm not sure if you're trolling or not, if it's copy paste from another place, all of the message log should have the same format [12/06, xx:xx] : , however some have ":" and some don't. But lets give you the benefit of the doubt.

Financials goals, same life goals are important in a marriage.
I wonder how come this was not talked / surveyed before marriage.

I suggest you can give some money to cover daily meals / spendings that can be in a joint account.
If can teach her to do budgeting will be better.

In the end if fight and both unable to see eye to eye and later divorced? You have to pay alimony also same.

LMAO wait this came from her?? Wow I'm surprised she's willing to equate herself to hooker to get free money from you.
Did I misunderstand something? Why does she want to degrade your relationship into a business transaction? If she mean by discussing it, turns it into a business, then I have to question how you guys have been carrying on with your marriage for so many years without a single financial discussion.......