What she just did was to compare you to some irrelevant strangers out there, and that is toxic, just like how you should not compare your kids to other kids who score better, and say why can't you do the same. This might be one of the reasons you're upset, and I think she should know what she said has hurt you. But again, this is a one sided story from you, so I hope you keep an open mind that you may have also said something that hurt her.

The amount of money is very relative to every person, every amount may mean differently. For example....
To me, I earn way less so 5k a month is A LOT, but 500 is acceptable. To her (my guess), you earning 30k is a whole lot, 5k should be easy money.
To you (my guess), 5k to "waste" is too much, because there isn't enough to spare after all the expenditures.

So I think what's missing is a breakdown of both of your expenditures.
You need to justify to her where all that money you have is going, and what's a comfortable amount you can give to her.
She needs to tell you why she wants that amount, for what, and how is she is currently spending her own money.
Both have to be transparent and open to each other's view. I understand why you say you don't expect her to contribute to the family expenditures at all, considering the fact that you make a whole lot more. But it sounds to me that at the same time, you sound a little condescending to your wife, that she is totally not spending at all for the family and her own 5k goes to branded bags. Sorry if my assumption of your thoughts came completely off, but if it has any hint of truth at all, then you ought to learn how she's spending, so that you can have a peace of mind that the amount you are about to give is an amount you're okay with going down the drain. But then again, I believe that financial planning is a must for everyone and I'm not talking about investment; I mean the awareness of your money inflow and outflow, so that you can make better decisions and plan for the rainy days.

All that said, allow me to shamelessly introduce to you my annual budget tracker spreadsheet check it out in my signature, if you'd like to try it out with your wife

Sounds like she is financially illiterate and is assuming that your wealth is also hers (without understanding where your money actually goes). She also sounds incredibly spoiled and has princess syndrome... Huge red flag, I'm inclined to agree 5k to her is unwise, but also you gotta help her learn to manage her finances. If she cannot keep her spending in check and always maxing out CC, she will always wait for your money to bail her out, and continue to splurge, that can't end well even for your marriage...

Her argument of spending on makeups doesn't make sense because you don't eat makeups it's a yearly/quarterly purchase depending on how much you apply. Me personally, it's once every expired products (3 years+?) Because I only use makeup in formal occasions, which is really rare. But that was probably figurative... That she meant to spend on beauty packages like facial, eyebrows yadayada (and yes this can be pretty expensive). But again, "for you" is a poor excuse to justify her splurging, because I'm sure you very much prefer to see her in simple clothes and looks, and you take your 5k put into your children's education. Or unless you actually care a lot about her becoming your trophy wife to show off around...?

This post has been edited by Takudan: Jun 12 2021, 12:13 PM

LMAO wait this came from her?? Wow I'm surprised she's willing to equate herself to hooker to get free money from you.
Did I misunderstand something? Why does she want to degrade your relationship into a business transaction? If she mean by discussing it, turns it into a business, then I have to question how you guys have been carrying on with your marriage for so many years without a single financial discussion.......

Is 500 a chump change you can afford to give without feeling bitter about it? If yes, by all means please go ahead. But she wants to play cold war to get her ez 5k by you giving in, and 500 is a mere 1/10 of it. I doubt she will be happy with this arrangement... I may be presumptuous of her problematic attitude from your one sided story though. But 500 is a good starting ground for you to say, "we clearly don't understand each other and both of us have any idea of where the money on each side is going. I am okay to give you 500 without any discussion because I want you to be happy with me, but if you're not satisfied with that, I want us to sit down and have a proper financial discussion for the first time."

If anything, the lady is the one not ready for it... Did you read his posts?

I hope TS picked some gems in this mountain of advice. guys, be that whatever alpha man and control your lady all you want. sure, divorce is easy, just get a lawyer, and get it over with, throw her away because she does not deserve him. but guess what, this man here still loves his wife and is trying to save his marriage, his life. He wants to work things out.

Sir, you have my empathy for having to deal with her princess and self entitled attitude, so while many may bash you for "being stingy" unwilling to fork out a small sum to shut her up make her happy, I agree with some here that her princess syndrome is the elephant in the room and you need to help her get through that, and hopefully she's willing to listen -- especially while she still loves you. Look, pamper your girl, that is good and you should, but only if she deserves it.

Else, sooner or later, it will be the ultimate downfall of your marriage/life no matter how hard you try to stuff her with cash and love. She will always come back to you for more, while taking them all for granted. It's not about the amount. But then again, if she wants everything her way and won't even give in an inch to listen, to appreciate, to step herself up, then you cannot help someone who does not want to be helped. Good luck on your rocky journey.

Shut the fuck up troll. You get out of serious k

ok alphachamp69, you've said more than enough now

Find out when she's on menstruation (this shouldn't be a sensitive topic when you're the husband lol). The symptoms differ per person, but women are generally edgier/crankier a few days or a week before the bloody day 1 (PMS). Those days are probably off limits for sound discussion, then show her some care on her painful days so she could soften up. Your goal is to start the calm talk and understand each other first; don't give in to her monetary demand, but give in to her emotionally so she'd feel loved. You can even pre-announce to her (as a reason to understand her mense cycle) is that you want to fix things, and first of all you intend to start by pampering her on her painful days (but of course, you also want to avoid her PMS landmine).

Give it a month or two... if even after all this and she still doesn't even want to even TALK about it, you know where this is heading.