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Serious Married but am deprived of body pleasures, Seriously need opinions

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ahpooki
post May 24 2019, 12:48 PM

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welcome to the FAP club...
J1g54w
post May 24 2019, 02:04 PM

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QUOTE(Ronan.The.Accuser @ May 24 2019, 12:19 PM)

What to do bro. This is not the first time it happened. Tried to talk a few times already in the past and it still ends the same. You know what they say, if you can't change people, you'll need to change yourself.  rclxub.gif

*
Yes. Either make a drastic change or accept your life as it is. Your wife will never change for you.
fearless_kiki
post May 24 2019, 02:24 PM

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QUOTE(Ralna @ May 24 2019, 12:43 PM)
I was in LDR, but even so, we met every 1-2 months (coz he's pursuing postgraduate studies) and stayed together (during weekends or long holidays). Singapore isn't that far from KL; same time zone too. Many husbands work in SG, while their wives work in KL/ other cities and take care of kids. Such household arrangements are getting more common due to weak ringgit.

Btw, if you've not been in LDR/ LDM, you are the last person to have a say on this, because you have no idea how tough it is compared to normal relationship or marriage. Most normal marriages will still work out in the end, but LDR/ LDM? Nah. Majority of couples in long distance relationship/ marriages are statistically doomed to fail and break up/ divorce. Yup, statistically doomed.

& don't assume being in LDR = problem-free and always lovey-dovey, because in my case during LDR, we went through:

1. Four major quarrels till we almost broke up
2. Two minor quarrels plus some arguments; cold wars for days or weeks
3. His unemployment, for almost a year
4. My traumatic experience
5. Emigrations (lots of arrangements and money involved, RM 5-digit gone)
6. Resignations (again, lots of work arrangements and transitions thereafter)
7. Financial issues
8. Health issues and sickness, including surgeries and follow-up appointments
9. Family issues
10. Postgraduate studies and exam stress, while still working

↑↑ Normal relationships/ marriages would have been so strained by all these, not to mention if these happened during LDR/ LDM.

***

If TS has long-distance marriage, I'm sure his marriage will be 5-10x tougher:

(1) He can't see the wife daily = even more deprived of sex
(2) His wife has to take care of kids all by herself without the husband around = feeling so alone, frustrated and exhausted
(3) They may only see each other 2-4 times a month, on weekends only
(4) The time and cost of travelling will be more
(5) The cost of living in both cities will be much higher too = more financial stress

Look at how many more challenges here? At least 5x more, and long-term ones. & if the family moves to SG, man, it's the most expensive city to raise kids in.

So yeah, think first before you comment, because you have not experienced the hardships of LDR/ LDM. Maintaining spark in your partner's absence is so much more difficult than maintaining the spark in your partner's presence, and solving problems over the phone and Internet is so much tougher when you are not physically together.

... which makes normal relationships and normal marriages look so easy to manage, including taking care of kids. Seriously. Ask any LDR couples who get married and have kids in the end, they'll tell you the same.  wink.gif
*

you missed the point. But anyway you're not ts.

@lice~~
post May 24 2019, 05:01 PM

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QUOTE(manix5 @ May 23 2019, 03:45 PM)
been there TS , and successful bought her back .

after 1st kid , My Wife lost interest in sex , well because of newborn. i didn't bother and gave a good 1 year. during this mostly monthly once , ( note : before 1st kid , we was active in sex for 7 years. )

after i talk to her about my feeling for sex and that i'm not satisfied with only quickly and monthly event, she had alot of reason , mostly tired of work and kids.it is reasonable from my point of view also. i personally do feel sex must be involved with feeling for both and love . if both feel like that , tiredness won't be a reason.

2 more years pass and dropped beautiful daughter for 2nd, clearly talking about this to her just make her go " ok la come we do sex " ...  blink.gif as u said , it's all my work while she  doh.gif

so i google this shit out , how to turn the table . what i find is, something so basic and almost 90% people suggest yet most won't even do, is what bring the changes .

all i did is :

- help her on house chores ( i already share the chores , this is extra when she tired or surprise her doing something she hates)

- compliment her for the right things

- as usual , talk more , listen more, get interest and ask about something she share

- take leave on random day and go out , book a hotel on weekend and stay a night out

- avoid send flower to office , buy and give her when fetch or at home. 

- massage her legs ( without end up in sex ) , touch her when u cross by.

this all feel might feel like silly young couple things BUT
it only took 2 week , i can see all the changes and she start to ask why all the sudden i do this all .
i just explain that i want to have more passionate relationship ( aka sex for my understanding laugh.gif  ) and feel more loved.
she felt she was unfair to me and after all this years i still seek her love more than ever  brows.gif

from that day , everything changed , more sex , at least 2 times per week . we accidentally had 3rd baby because she was too aggressive and i failed to control  tongue.gif 

now 3 kids , sex life active , we go out , she take care her body , she also bring new ideas for sex .

that is how my table turned and hope it helps . when we was couple before marriage , this is how we used to be. because of kids , marriage responsibility , work and 2 set of parents , things changed her. i realize she doesn't need 6 pack from me , just more attention and helping hand. in the end i get what i want  thumbup.gif
*
So far it's the best reply and solution.

It take 2 to tango, so TS share your responsible too. Remember wife is not your maid, deliver machine, sex slave. They are human too.


fearless_kiki
post May 24 2019, 05:15 PM

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Yeah I too agree that manix5 gave the best reply
TSRonan.The.Accuser P
post May 24 2019, 07:17 PM

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QUOTE(J1g54w @ May 24 2019, 02:04 PM)
Yes. Either make a drastic change or accept your life as it is. Your wife will never change for you.
*
That's the funny thing about females in general (I know I'm gonna get bash by SWJ here). When you married them, they want to change you this and that. Then you try to change to have peace in the marriage. But when it comes to your turn... You get NOTHING!!!!


QUOTE(@lice~~ @ May 24 2019, 05:01 PM)
So far it's the best reply and solution.

It take 2 to tango, so TS share your responsible too. Remember wife is not your maid, deliver machine, sex slave. They are human too.
*
Why is it you assume I don't share the responsibilities? I also do the dishes, wash and hang clothes, mop sweep etc.. Apa lagi I nak buat!?!? doh.gif

QUOTE(fearless_kiki @ May 24 2019, 05:15 PM)
Yeah I too agree that manix5 gave the best reply
*
Ya... Correct... Err.. What was manix5 reply again :lol'
Kiraneko
post May 24 2019, 11:07 PM

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Ok la I read until kesian you so give 2 sen.

After 10 years of marriage with 2 kids (coincidentally where I am now), sex drive 100% will go lower. I don't know bout your wife but I'm in my mid 30s. Granted not all girls are the same, but this is my own thoughts:

1) On a regular weekday after coming home from work (or before when I was still unemployed and handling kids all day), I value my alone time A LOT, and sometimes get pissy when someone comes and demand things of me at this time when I've already used 80% of my waking hours for everyone else. This occasionally includes the husband (sorry lol). I understand also he feels like you la, but he knows to let me have my time once in a while too. Your approach here (despite it partially being to fulfill your needs) is not to appear to want to demand attention. e.g. if my husband walks into the room and then tries to hint that he wants some, I get slightly annoyed. But if instead we just do our usual thing like watching drama/gaming, talking about our day, then slowly progress to physical interaction I am more receptive.

2) Hormones are a problem. Women have cycles, hopefully you've memorized your wife's. Certain times we are naturally more wanting (it's the first 2-7 days after period ends). It's very easy to trigger the mood if the time is right.

3) Your wife's buttons. What works and what don't. Unfortunately for you, this can change over time. Does she prefer more physical touches? Or word play? What's her type?

4) The chores thing helps, but I'm not sure if you've seen The Mental Load.this: sometimes guys say they do chores, but they don't do the whole thing. E.g. here; guy washes dishes, but didn't put them back. You may not see it, but homemakers get tired when expected to pick up on the small things (I know I do, like I would complain when hubs leave unwashed stuff in the sink to wash later and my thoughts were why not JUST WASH IT NOW?".

5) Health issues. I get UTI almost always if I don't take extra care, so it becomes a bit of an extra effort I need to maintain for the next day (drink a lot of water, eat preventive supplements) just for an hour of fun., so the cons outweigh the pros. I didn't have this problem when I was younger/pre-marriage. Must be due to age. So too bad lor, less sex.

6) Some women, have no idea how much men need physical intimacy. Like you can keep on saying you need, but to women it will just come out as you're being horny too often. Women are biologically different and will not feel the same effects of sex. If you explain it will just come out as demanding, or "why you only think about sex?!" My advice is to mask your wants. Ask for it once in a while, but not once every 2 days. Be subtle. Flirt a little, tease a little. Not sure bout your wife but I enjoy sexual tension.

Sekian 2 sen.
BuddhawithinMe
post May 24 2019, 11:20 PM

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I have a simple gestures..

Surprise her with little flower/gift and a kiss. Eventho she might say you're wasting money.

Make her feel you love her for herself.

Somtimes, husband tend to concentrate in giving "family love" rather than her emotion love. You may have stop teasing/flirting or lovey dovey to her. Get her to a good mood.

vhs1
post May 25 2019, 12:32 AM

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The ideal way to let your wife knows your desire to have sex is to tell her frankly your needs to release.

Never be dissuaded to hide your desires.
Wife and husband have obligations to help each other physically or mentally
you can suggest some other ways like HJ.... Or other jobs

Let her know, your feelings.
TSRonan.The.Accuser P
post May 25 2019, 12:36 AM

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QUOTE(Kiraneko @ May 24 2019, 11:07 PM)

Ok la I read until kesian you so give 2 sen.

After 10 years of marriage with 2 kids (coincidentally where I am now), sex drive 100% will go lower. I don't know bout your wife but I'm in my mid 30s. Granted not all girls are the same, but this is my own thoughts:

1) On a regular weekday after coming home from work (or before when I was still unemployed and handling kids all day), I value my alone time A LOT, and sometimes get pissy when someone comes and demand things of me at this time when I've already used 80% of my waking hours for everyone else. This occasionally includes the husband (sorry lol). I understand also he feels like you la, but he knows to let me have my time once in a while too. Your approach here (despite it partially being to fulfill your needs) is not to appear to want to demand attention. e.g. if my husband walks into the room and then tries to hint that he wants some, I get slightly annoyed. But if instead we just do our usual thing like watching drama/gaming, talking about our day, then slowly progress to physical interaction I am more receptive.
Definitely I don’t do this. As in go and demand it straight  rclxub.gif  laugh.gif we talk, watch movie etc. then go to bed and fall asleep  laugh.gif

2) Hormones are a problem. Women have cycles, hopefully you've memorized your wife's. Certain times we are naturally more wanting (it's the first 2-7 days after period ends). It's very easy to trigger the mood if the time is right. 
Noted

3) Your wife's buttons. What works and what don't. Unfortunately for you, this can change over time. Does she prefer more physical touches? Or word play? What's her type? 
Touches, foreplay, etc the usual I guess..

4) The chores thing helps, but I'm not sure if you've seen The Mental Load.this:  sometimes guys say they do chores, but they don't do the whole thing. E.g. here; guy washes dishes, but didn't put them back. You may not see it, but homemakers get tired when expected to pick up on the small things (I know I do, like I would complain when hubs leave unwashed stuff in the sink to wash later and my thoughts were why not JUST WASH IT NOW?\".
Most of the time, I can’t stand to see dirty dishes in the sink and eventually I’ll wash and dry them. Pride myself on cleanliness

5) Health issues. I get UTI almost always if I don't take extra care, so it becomes a bit of an extra effort I need to maintain for the next day (drink a lot of water, eat preventive supplements) just for an hour of fun., so the cons outweigh the pros. I didn't have this problem when I was younger/pre-marriage. Must be due to age. So too bad lor, less sex.
Didn’t know about this. However, she never complains about having pains or so. But thanks for the heads up.

6) Some women, have no idea how much men need physical intimacy. Like you can keep on saying you need, but to women it will just come out as you're being horny too often. Women are biologically different and will not feel the same effects of sex. If you explain it will just come out as demanding, or \"why you only think about sex?!\" My advice is to mask your wants. Ask for it once in a while, but not once every 2 days. Be subtle. Flirt a little, tease a little. Not sure bout your wife but I enjoy sexual tension.
Yup, I guess most women are not as highly sexual drive as men. Do cuddle but still no luck laugh.gif 

Sekian 2 sen.
*



Wow... thanks for the lengthy reply. Appreciate it. See my replies above.

I guess the attached picture concludes it?? laugh.gif


https://pictr.com/images/2019/05/25/0sgr1V.md.jpg

QUOTE(BuddhawithinMe @ May 24 2019, 11:20 PM)

I have a simple gestures..

Surprise her with little flower/gift and a kiss. Eventho she might say you're wasting money. 

Make her feel you love her for herself. 

Somtimes, husband tend to concentrate in giving \"family love\" rather than her emotion love. You may have stop teasing/flirting or lovey dovey to her. Get her to a good mood.
*



Been there done that too. But honestly I haven’t do it lately. Most of the time, she’ll say waste money, etc etc. as a guy, I also quite fed up listening to it... laugh.gif

Sometimes (if not most of the time), it seems the guys have to do most of the work... just saying... guys also deserves some attention too lei laugh.gif
kkkw80
post May 25 2019, 09:13 AM

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QUOTE(manix5 @ May 23 2019, 03:45 PM)
been there TS , and successful bought her back .

after 1st kid , My Wife lost interest in sex , well because of newborn. i didn't bother and gave a good 1 year. during this mostly monthly once , ( note : before 1st kid , we was active in sex for 7 years. )

after i talk to her about my feeling for sex and that i'm not satisfied with only quickly and monthly event, she had alot of reason , mostly tired of work and kids.it is reasonable from my point of view also. i personally do feel sex must be involved with feeling for both and love . if both feel like that , tiredness won't be a reason.

2 more years pass and dropped beautiful daughter for 2nd, clearly talking about this to her just make her go " ok la come we do sex " ...  blink.gif as u said , it's all my work while she  doh.gif

so i google this shit out , how to turn the table . what i find is, something so basic and almost 90% people suggest yet most won't even do, is what bring the changes .

all i did is :

- help her on house chores ( i already share the chores , this is extra when she tired or surprise her doing something she hates)

- compliment her for the right things

- as usual , talk more , listen more, get interest and ask about something she share

- take leave on random day and go out , book a hotel on weekend and stay a night out

- avoid send flower to office , buy and give her when fetch or at home. 

- massage her legs ( without end up in sex ) , touch her when u cross by.

this all feel might feel like silly young couple things BUT
it only took 2 week , i can see all the changes and she start to ask why all the sudden i do this all .
i just explain that i want to have more passionate relationship ( aka sex for my understanding laugh.gif  ) and feel more loved.
she felt she was unfair to me and after all this years i still seek her love more than ever  brows.gif

from that day , everything changed , more sex , at least 2 times per week . we accidentally had 3rd baby because she was too aggressive and i failed to control  tongue.gif 

now 3 kids , sex life active , we go out , she take care her body , she also bring new ideas for sex .

that is how my table turned and hope it helps . when we was couple before marriage , this is how we used to be. because of kids , marriage responsibility , work and 2 set of parents , things changed her. i realize she doesn't need 6 pack from me , just more attention and helping hand. in the end i get what i want  thumbup.gif
*
I do the same too, fetch her from work, hang the laundry, iron my own clothes etc. Also I make it a point to tell her early morning that tonight we will have ‘some’ and it works. We average do it 2-3 times per week and we’ve been married 11 years with 2 kids 😉

It’s all bout giving some and take some
fearless_kiki
post May 25 2019, 09:41 AM

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You can be manja to your wife sometimes, like when during dating days. Especially when you treat her well, tease her or manja her: "How about me leh, I also need some reward." trear her like how you treat her during dating.

Being bored and frustrated with daily life are what makes her have lack of interest to do sex. Few forummers had mentioned making her happy will result in you getting happy / want you want. Win win situation. But what makes her happy only you know best. (gifts, massage, vacation, sweet words...)

This post has been edited by fearless_kiki: May 25 2019, 09:41 AM
A183RT0
post May 25 2019, 01:43 PM

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suddenly, i feel like everyone is having a sex problem during fasting...
saikia2046
post May 25 2019, 01:49 PM

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TS should eat estrogen pills so that you timing will changed to the same as your wife. No need eat outside or buy expensive adult toys, no need force your wife.
TSRonan.The.Accuser P
post May 25 2019, 05:02 PM

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QUOTE(kkkw80 @ May 25 2019, 09:13 AM)
I do the same too, fetch her from work, hang the laundry, iron my own clothes etc. Also I make it a point to tell her early morning that tonight we will have ‘some’ and it works. We average do it 2-3 times per week and we’ve been married 11 years with 2 kids 😉

It’s all bout giving some and take some
*
Wow... Kudos bro. Am doing it previously but perhaps lack of it recently. Thanks for the reminder.

QUOTE(fearless_kiki @ May 25 2019, 09:41 AM)
You can be manja to your wife sometimes, like when during dating days. Especially when you treat her well, tease her or manja her: "How about me leh,  I also need some reward." trear her like how you treat her during dating.

Being bored and frustrated with daily life are what makes her have lack of interest to do sex. Few forummers had mentioned making her happy will result in you getting happy / want you want. Win win situation. But what makes her happy only you know best.  (gifts,  massage, vacation, sweet words...)
*
Yeah... Happy wife, happy life.. Haha..

QUOTE(A183RT0 @ May 25 2019, 01:43 PM)
suddenly, i feel like everyone is having a sex problem during fasting...
*
No la, just coincidentally only...

QUOTE(saikia2046 @ May 25 2019, 01:49 PM)
TS should eat estrogen pills so that you timing will changed to the same as your wife. No need eat outside or buy expensive adult toys, no need force your wife.
*
Not helping dude. This is not kopitiam!
tipuism
post May 25 2019, 05:13 PM

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QUOTE(manix5 @ May 23 2019, 03:45 PM)
been there TS , and successful bought her back .

after 1st kid , My Wife lost interest in sex , well because of newborn. i didn't bother and gave a good 1 year. during this mostly monthly once , ( note : before 1st kid , we was active in sex for 7 years. )

after i talk to her about my feeling for sex and that i'm not satisfied with only quickly and monthly event, she had alot of reason , mostly tired of work and kids.it is reasonable from my point of view also. i personally do feel sex must be involved with feeling for both and love . if both feel like that , tiredness won't be a reason.

2 more years pass and dropped beautiful daughter for 2nd, clearly talking about this to her just make her go " ok la come we do sex " ...  blink.gif as u said , it's all my work while she  doh.gif

so i google this shit out , how to turn the table . what i find is, something so basic and almost 90% people suggest yet most won't even do, is what bring the changes .

all i did is :

- help her on house chores ( i already share the chores , this is extra when she tired or surprise her doing something she hates)

- compliment her for the right things

- as usual , talk more , listen more, get interest and ask about something she share

- take leave on random day and go out , book a hotel on weekend and stay a night out

- avoid send flower to office , buy and give her when fetch or at home. 

- massage her legs ( without end up in sex ) , touch her when u cross by.

this all feel might feel like silly young couple things BUT
it only took 2 week , i can see all the changes and she start to ask why all the sudden i do this all .
i just explain that i want to have more passionate relationship ( aka sex for my understanding laugh.gif  ) and feel more loved.
she felt she was unfair to me and after all this years i still seek her love more than ever  brows.gif

from that day , everything changed , more sex , at least 2 times per week . we accidentally had 3rd baby because she was too aggressive and i failed to control  tongue.gif 

now 3 kids , sex life active , we go out , she take care her body , she also bring new ideas for sex .

that is how my table turned and hope it helps . when we was couple before marriage , this is how we used to be. because of kids , marriage responsibility , work and 2 set of parents , things changed her. i realize she doesn't need 6 pack from me , just more attention and helping hand. in the end i get what i want  thumbup.gif
*
Bravo. Well done.

You are of the rare breed of gentlemen who suceeded in finding the KEY to a woman's heart and mind.

All a woman really needs is that her man show her love and appreciation in both word and deed.

Keep up the good work and you will be set for a spicy relationship for the rest of your life.

saikia2046
post May 26 2019, 02:06 PM

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QUOTE(Ronan.The.Accuser @ May 25 2019, 05:02 PM)
Wow... Kudos bro. Am doing it previously but perhaps lack of it recently. Thanks for the reminder.
Yeah... Happy wife, happy life.. Haha..
No la, just coincidentally only...
Not helping dude. This is not kopitiam!
*
If you refuse to cut down your desire, bring your wife and go see doctor.
manix5
post May 27 2019, 08:34 AM

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QUOTE(Ronan.The.Accuser @ May 25 2019, 12:36 AM)
Wow... thanks for the lengthy reply. Appreciate it. See my replies above.
I guess the attached picture concludes it??  laugh.gif
<a href='https://pictr.com/images/2019/05/25/0sgr1V.md.jpg' target='_blank'>https://pictr.com/images/2019/05/25/0sgr1V.md.jpg </a>
Been there done that too. But honestly I haven’t do it lately. Most of the time, she’ll say waste money, etc etc. as a guy, I also quite fed up listening to it... laugh.gif
Sometimes (if not most of the time), it seems the guys have to do most of the work... just saying... guys also deserves some attention too lei  laugh.gif
*
Maybe there is something she knows about you that it puts her off.
i remember when we had a deep talk once at hotel stay, we talk alot fun things and i start rapid questions game ( she got her chance after that ).
i learn so many things what she like or dislike from me , what things that i shouldn't do. i asked her why never mention this only normal day or when ever i do or said something, the simple answer was " i am also not sure " . sometime you need to get her in a mood to open up. some of the things i told she like when i do or said. ( non sexual )

on bold part , of course but sometime what our spouse do is more than what we know. your been that , done that might not the one could trigger her. find what she really need or missing for her. you're keen to win her back and refuse to makan luar , what makes you feel like that for her ?


QUOTE(kkkw80 @ May 25 2019, 09:13 AM)
I do the same too, fetch her from work, hang the laundry, iron my own clothes etc. Also I make it a point to tell her early morning that tonight we will have ‘some’ and it works. We average do it 2-3 times per week and we’ve been married 11 years with 2 kids 😉

It’s all bout giving some and take some
*
true that. sometime our little time or attention makes a whole alot differences for the one really needs it.

i had 2 opportunity to advance in my career ( more to salary wise ). it will make me more busy , and my wife need to drive to lrt and take lrt to work.
we had this situation before this . she will be tired traveling too.
ultimately i decide to choose what best for my marriage life. that 40 minute drive back to home and going to work helps alot. more time to talk.
oh boy , she appreciate that alot and told me that she was surprised that i thought of her effect when i make this decisions. this small things all add up to the changes .

QUOTE(tipuism @ May 25 2019, 05:13 PM)
Bravo. Well done.

You are of the rare breed of gentlemen who succeeded in finding the KEY to a woman's heart and mind.

All a woman really needs is that her man show her love and appreciation in both word and deed.

Keep up the good work and you will be set for a spicy relationship for the rest of your life.
*
Thank you . my wife did her part too. i more to feel that i got a Gem.
RUI
post May 27 2019, 07:36 PM

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QUOTE(Ronan.The.Accuser @ May 23 2019, 12:48 PM)
Hello Lowyat forumers,

Am new here but been following several discussions on this sub folder. Finally got my guts to register and post here.

Here's my dilemma and hope I can get some serious advises or opinions.

Am married for about 10 years with 2 beautiful children. My wife is a housewife and I'm the only breadwinner in the family. Not saying I earn like Lim Goh Tong's family but we make do with what we have.

Now, the problem is this. She had never been very into sexual relation. Somewhat can say that you can classify her as a 'nun'? I think the only time she wants it is when she knows my previous gfs are all on the 'wild' side. Now after many years of marriage, she kinda toned down by a lot! Maybe once in a month or 2 months!? Now, before anyone says that she's tired, blah blah blah... Hey, so am I! Every time it's me who needs to do more 'work' and foreplay whereas she's  doh.gif

As for me, I'm still very active in this area whereas my other half is NOT!

Ok ok, life is not about body pleasures and more on love etc etc, but c'mon, I love her and that's why I want to do it with her. If I don't, might as well I do it with others!

Arghhhh, am suffering and angry now. Dunno what to do? Everytime, I need to remind myself that it's MY PROBLEM and not HERS!!!! BUT C'MON, why everytime I need to be the PROBLEM!!!!

I don't know if many husbands feel the same here. But it's to share what I'm facing now.  rclxub.gif
*
I heard an interview and the person said, "If you are married of for 30-40 years; it's not a triumph of happiness. It's triumph of character. It's triumph of negotiation. It's triumph of the will to do that."

Nobody said to love be loved isn't exhausting. Why complain? You can't have the baby without the labour.
I believe many people are in your shoes. It's just they worked out a deal. And his deal might not work for you.

If you ask me; it's pretty big turn off to be pressured into sex. I like those "things get out of control type". And recently, I heard my colleague's wife was pregnant again. Timing was abit off to be pregnant again. So I asked what happened. His answer of "Well, accidents happen". Happily married. laugh.gif
RUI
post May 27 2019, 07:49 PM

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QUOTE(manix5 @ May 23 2019, 03:45 PM)
been there TS , and successful bought her back .

after 1st kid , My Wife lost interest in sex , well because of newborn. i didn't bother and gave a good 1 year. during this mostly monthly once , ( note : before 1st kid , we was active in sex for 7 years. )

after i talk to her about my feeling for sex and that i'm not satisfied with only quickly and monthly event, she had alot of reason , mostly tired of work and kids.it is reasonable from my point of view also. i personally do feel sex must be involved with feeling for both and love . if both feel like that , tiredness won't be a reason.

2 more years pass and dropped beautiful daughter for 2nd, clearly talking about this to her just make her go " ok la come we do sex " ...  blink.gif as u said , it's all my work while she  doh.gif

so i google this shit out , how to turn the table . what i find is, something so basic and almost 90% people suggest yet most won't even do, is what bring the changes .

all i did is :

- help her on house chores ( i already share the chores , this is extra when she tired or surprise her doing something she hates)

- compliment her for the right things

- as usual , talk more , listen more, get interest and ask about something she share

- take leave on random day and go out , book a hotel on weekend and stay a night out

- avoid send flower to office , buy and give her when fetch or at home. 

- massage her legs ( without end up in sex ) , touch her when u cross by.

this all feel might feel like silly young couple things BUT
it only took 2 week , i can see all the changes and she start to ask why all the sudden i do this all .
i just explain that i want to have more passionate relationship ( aka sex for my understanding laugh.gif  ) and feel more loved.
she felt she was unfair to me and after all this years i still seek her love more than ever  brows.gif

from that day , everything changed , more sex , at least 2 times per week . we accidentally had 3rd baby because she was too aggressive and i failed to control  tongue.gif 

now 3 kids , sex life active , we go out , she take care her body , she also bring new ideas for sex .

that is how my table turned and hope it helps . when we was couple before marriage , this is how we used to be. because of kids , marriage responsibility , work and 2 set of parents , things changed her. i realize she doesn't need 6 pack from me , just more attention and helping hand. in the end i get what i want  thumbup.gif
*
I applaud your ability to suppress your frustration and be a gentlemen. Worth noting that she gives a shit about how you feel and cooperates. Good for you bro.

Typical detrimental response would be, "I need sex. So, it's a her fault. Hence, it's justified for me to eat elsewhere".
Good luck going down that path. I hope the short term satisfaction is worth the hell treacherous path of divorce.



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