Hello Lowyat forumers,

Am new here but been following several discussions on this sub folder. Finally got my guts to register and post here.

Here's my dilemma and hope I can get some serious advises or opinions.

Am married for about 10 years with 2 beautiful children. My wife is a housewife and I'm the only breadwinner in the family. Not saying I earn like Lim Goh Tong's family but we make do with what we have.

Now, the problem is this. She had never been very into sexual relation. Somewhat can say that you can classify her as a 'nun'? I think the only time she wants it is when she knows my previous gfs are all on the 'wild' side. Now after many years of marriage, she kinda toned down by a lot! Maybe once in a month or 2 months!? Now, before anyone says that she's tired, blah blah blah... Hey, so am I! Every time it's me who needs to do more 'work' and foreplay whereas she's

As for me, I'm still very active in this area whereas my other half is NOT!

Ok ok, life is not about body pleasures and more on love etc etc, but c'mon, I love her and that's why I want to do it with her. If I don't, might as well I do it with others!

Arghhhh, am suffering and angry now. Dunno what to do? Everytime, I need to remind myself that it's MY PROBLEM and not HERS!!!! BUT C'MON, why everytime I need to be the PROBLEM!!!!

I don't know if many husbands feel the same here. But it's to share what I'm facing now.

Get a full-sized sex doll (the high quality and realistic ones) and get her to agree to it. After all, it's a masturbation tool that helps to release your sexual stress.

That, or divorce or eat out.

This post has been edited by J1g54w: May 23 2019, 12:52 PM

Welcome to the Real life of many married man especially Asian (Chinese) when sex becomes available on ABC

Anniversaries
Birthdays
Christmas

Such is reality and many women wonder why their husband cheat

But TS you just need to try to spice things up

Its challenging as your wife spend the day slaving at home

Perhaps some routine holidays or you take off and take her shopping or just out of the house.

Good luck and welcome to the club of ABC

I'll give you some unorthodox ways I would do:

1. encourage her to join a swing-ing session with other couples.
2. check your mouth/teeth for smell or body odour.
3. tell her directly her refusal for sex is affecting marriage.
4. cheong outside.

i m foreveralone but heres what i would suggest

1. talk to her about it. ask if theres any reason shes not into it.
2. one consideration is whether or not shes seeing someone outside of marriage. this can be a risky thing to ask but you might want to ask anyway just to be clear.
3. if you really cant fulfill your urges ask her for suggestions.
4. guys have needs. if your wife or self service is not enough, try asking her if she would be bothered if you slept around. no strings attached. just sex. before you do this you need to be very sure that shes on the same page with you. shes not giving you what you want, i mean in a "forced sex is still bad" but if you're going asahi super dry all the time then thats actually something unfair for you.

give it time and your future steps, your heart or dick might guide you.

Don't think that I would go to the extreme to divorce her la but also, eat out has crossed my mind but still...

Thank you bro Like I said, there are many fellow brothers that are in my shoes. The thing is that I worked out everyday to have a nice nice toned body. Still with that, I don't get what I want!!! ARRGGGHHHH!!!!! BTW, I like the ABC thing but guess what sometimes I also don't get ABC!!!! Seriously, my other half is practically a NUN!

1. She'll kill me
2. Definitely not me as I really upkeep my body - gym gym gym, no b.o, trimmed etc etc
3. Been there done that. Improved a while but go back to square one!
4. I got some 'signs' from girls on this but still.....

both of you should engage therapist in this field.
there is no shame if one of you are having issue regarding sexual obligation towards one another.
but kudos to TS that doesn't resort to eating out as a problem solver.

It's normal for someone who are sick of eating the same kind of dish over and over again. Time to change the dish without her knowledge. U know what I mean. (massat parlour)

You are not alone.

Hope other bros here can give you good suggestions.

Maybe her hormones change

So you are saying that the dish is TS, right?

i feel you bro, you're not alone.
70% of time i watch jav and settle.
sometime got extra budget then go massage + bj.. starting feel guilty but as long as i know i still love her..

sex doll .. if you don't want to eat out..

how did you try to request though?

Communication is very important. Try to get her to open up.

Going to therapy is definitely one way.

The word is "TRYING" bro... trying very very hard not to get tempted. Thanks for the advise but I actually asked her whether she wants to go for therapist but she is in denial. No point if that person is always in denial.

My friends like to use this phase. The problem is I don't mind eating "nasi lemak" every day but if I only eat once in 1 or 2 month then

How la bro? Watch jav, tfk etc, might as well don't get married and commitment etc. Can live freely!

It seems like this is a common problem among married men. Why is it like this after marriage!?? WOMEN OF LOWYAT. pls explain!!!

You don't go asking for it la bro. Just do the foul play effort which I do 9.99/10. TIRED!!!

probation member now can post more than 3 times kah? back in my days only 3 quota per day.

damn ur lucky. so don't complain about ur sex life anymore. should give thanks instead.

been there TS , and successful bought her back .

after 1st kid , My Wife lost interest in sex , well because of newborn. i didn't bother and gave a good 1 year. during this mostly monthly once , ( note : before 1st kid , we was active in sex for 7 years. )

after i talk to her about my feeling for sex and that i'm not satisfied with only quickly and monthly event, she had alot of reason , mostly tired of work and kids.it is reasonable from my point of view also. i personally do feel sex must be involved with feeling for both and love . if both feel like that , tiredness won't be a reason.

2 more years pass and dropped beautiful daughter for 2nd, clearly talking about this to her just make her go " ok la come we do sex " ... as u said , it's all my work while she

so i google this shit out , how to turn the table . what i find is, something so basic and almost 90% people suggest yet most won't even do, is what bring the changes .

all i did is :

- help her on house chores ( i already share the chores , this is extra when she tired or surprise her doing something she hates)

- compliment her for the right things

- as usual , talk more , listen more, get interest and ask about something she share

- take leave on random day and go out , book a hotel on weekend and stay a night out

- avoid send flower to office , buy and give her when fetch or at home.

- massage her legs ( without end up in sex ) , touch her when u cross by.

this all feel might feel like silly young couple things BUT


it only took 2 week , i can see all the changes and she start to ask why all the sudden i do this all .
i just explain that i want to have more passionate relationship ( aka sex for my understanding ) and feel more loved.
she felt she was unfair to me and after all this years i still seek her love more than ever

from that day , everything changed , more sex , at least 2 times per week . we accidentally had 3rd baby because she was too aggressive and i failed to control

now 3 kids , sex life active , we go out , she take care her body , she also bring new ideas for sex .

that is how my table turned and hope it helps . when we was couple before marriage , this is how we used to be. because of kids , marriage responsibility , work and 2 set of parents , things changed her. i realize she doesn't need 6 pack from me , just more attention and helping hand. in the end i get what i want

inb4, some women of lowyatnet is gonna tell you your wife is not your sex doll, going eat out is wrong and you shouldn't, etc.

i understand your frustration.

maybe you can find out her fetish and go from there?

i think the post above me makes most sense, sometimes might need you to do more stuff that appear sexy to her(ex: doing chores, random massage session, etc)

This post has been edited by LimauKering: May 23 2019, 03:52 PM

if this issue really matters you then perhaps you need to bring it up and talk to her.. like seriously matter.. if not then breakup is the way.
might be hilarious for some people to breakup due to no sex life, but sex do help 80% of the relationship according to a study.
or you might need to look for someone who can match your sex drive..

i talked with gf before on this. from once in two weeks now change to twice per week or so, talked nicely..
give a step back to each other..

you can dont get married and live freely, but you will reach a phase where you need someone to talk to, discuss and go through together.

but the way you described, trying seems not going anywhere. if she kept her denial mode on, the relationship will have a stem of unresolved issue, in your case, denied sexual pleasure by your spouse. if this is not top priority, i'd suggest you to find alternative method equivalent to physical pleasure that you lacked. maybe get a hobby, travel or even any gathering.. but long down the road, its still will bottleneck in the end.