When Chuck Norris tells a joke about Will Smith's wife, Will Smith stands up and slaps his wife.

Good thing those ninja turtles wear masks, otherwise they could be easily identified.

Fun Fact: If you hold the sole of your foot to your ear, you can hear the sound of a hip dislocating.

Husband: "Hi dear, I was at work and blood came out my poo. Laura brought me to the hospital and the doctor confirmed it's stage 4 colon cancer..."

Wife "Who the fuck is Laura?"

The autocorrect on my phone hasn't got used to me yet.

It still thinks I like watching canal fishing videos.

A big shout out to all florists 5 day ago!!

Happy "Charge Whatever You Like" Day.

this is one of the rare occasions that I don't understand the joke.

England not powerful enough

C"Anal" "Fist-ing" hahahaha enjoy

Great to see this thread is still going strong. Keep up the good work aLittleMisfit

This post has been edited by gobiomani: Feb 26 2024, 06:30 PM

According to the latest research, sex during pregnancy is almost always safe.

Unless your wife comes home and catches you...

Women call me ugly, until they find out how much I earn .

Then they call me ugly and poor.

Whenever I complete a form asking for a number to contact in an emergency, I always put an ambulance because I know for a fact the wife will ignore a call from an unknown number.

According to the UK government, the Chinese are now cyber hacking ordinary people and even editing their social media posts.

But this no true. Just vely bad rumour. China ok.

A buddy of mine phoned me and asked, "What are you doing at the moment?"

I replied, "Probably failing my driving test."

'Wolfgang Mozart!' yelled Mozart's friend.

'What?' said Mozart.

And then they were both eaten by a gang of wolves.

We won the annual 'best bullshitting' award twice this year

I met my wife at a 'Singles Night'

I was surprised as I thought she was at home with the kids

"It's time to test the smoke alarm, " I said to my missus.

"It's 9am on a Sunday morning, just fucking ask for breakfast like any normal person will you! "

I have a wife who is a vegan, a brother-in-law who is an LGBT activist and a sister who is a feminist.

I also have the best noise-cancelling headphones in the world.

I went to the doctors and told him I can't breathe when I eat rice.


He says I'm Basmatic.