lol

This post has been edited by vkeong: Jun 4 2008, 03:18 PM

NEW BROOM


A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were heavily laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in a hurry and not happy about the slowness of the line.

When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"

"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom you have here, you'll be home in no time."

Not as funny as usual...

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him, "You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever you choose, the person in that room will switch with you. They’ll go to heaven and you’ll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a room."

The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped. The second room has someone being burned by a torch. The third has a man getting blown by a naked woman.

"I choose this room!" the man says.

"Very well," the devil says. He walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder.

"You can go now. I’ve found you’re replacement."

FIRST IN LINE



A Sailor met a good looking blonde at the bar and was trying to get laid without much success.

"I don't date servicemen," she said, "but I am curious as to why you sailors have those two rows of buttons on your pants."

"Why, that's because we have two d1cks," the sailor replied.

"Interesting, probably twice as much fun," replied the blonde, "let's go to my place and try them out."

So they did, and after the first screwing the blonde says, "Boy, that was sure nice. Now that I'm rested and still horny, I want the other one."

Whereupon the sailor undid the other side of buttons, pulled out a limp, weary d1ck, looked at it and sadly declared, "Well, I'll be damned! He's pouting because he wasn't FIRST!"

Penipu

With that... men can finally have multiple orgasm

I think he pulled out the same d1ck but from the different hole

^Yeap.

LATE FOR WORK


Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him.

"What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."

"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."

Family problem any one??
==============================
Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian man said to the American,
"You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven ' t even met once."
We call this arranged marriage. I don ' t want to marry a woman whom I don ' t love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."
The American said, Talking about love marriages... I ' ll tell you my story.
I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.
"After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father ' s father-in-law.
Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father ' s brother and so he is my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father ' s son i.e. my brother is my grandson.
Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.
And you say you have family problems........... ??
Gimme a break!

GIFTS


The very snobbish wife was discussing the subject of Christmas presents with her maid.

"Now what about the butler?" the rich woman said.

"A set of wine glasses?" the maid suggested.

The woman frowned icily. "He doesn't really need that. A butler never entertains. He'll get a tie."

The maid grimaced, but said only, "What about a dress for Jenny, the serving girl?"

The woman frowned again. "She doesn't really need a new dress. She'll only get in trouble. We'll get her another apron."

The conversation continued in the same vein, and the maid was chafing at her employer's arrogance when they reached her husband.

"I assume you want to get him something he really needs, madam?" the maid replied.

"Of course," the woman replied.

"Then what about five more inches?"

A CANDIDATE FOR WORKMAN'S COMP?


A guy was driving down the road in his car. A prostitute walks out in front of him. He smacks her with the bumper of his car and knocks her down. He immediately stops the car, jumps out and runs to the lady lying on her back on the road.

She is groaning in pain. She mumbles, "I think I'm blind, I think I'm blind..."

Quickly the guy holds three of his fingers up in front of her and says, "How many fingers do I have up?"

"Oh my God," she says. "I'm not paralyzed too, am I?!?"

dun understand ^^ help me im lost here

she tot that he's fingering her, coz she cant see.

"How many fingers do I have up?"

now i get it ^^ there the key word

Haha she's a hooker mah ... so she thinks that the man has a few fingers up her p*$$y and asking "how many fingers?"

The "I'm not paralyzed too" part is cos she's expecting some fingers up her fanny but she can't feel them

how about the 5 inch one? issit mean that her husband "lovely" too short or the maid critisizing the wife or something?