WATERBED SEX



Chad went to a bar and ordered a drink. A few minutes, a beautiful blonde sat down next to him and started coming on to him. Soon she invited him back to her place. Overcome with excitement, Chad agreed.

When they got to the bedroom, Chad exclaimed "Wow! A waterbed. I've never had sex on a waterbed before."

Soon they were both naked and going at it. The blonde stopped him and said, "Before we go any further, don't you think you should put on some protection?"

"Good idea," he responded and got up. Chad walked out of the room, and when he came back, he was wearing a life preserver.

lol life preserver

LOL!!!

can i haz tiz sickness?

dun understand... help me

^ means he use pepper to make himself sneeze.. so, he can enjoy the orgasm

CINDERELLA AND THE PUMPKIN


Cinderella was sitting on her porch just weeping and sobbing when suddenly a Magic Fairy came by and asked her why she was crying. She told the Fairy that she was always forced to work on the pumpkin farm and therefore never found any time to meet guys and never got laid.

Upon hearing this, the Fairy suddenly took out her magic wand and pointed it at the pumpkin and turned it into the most beautiful dildo a girl could ever dream of. However, she warned her that she can only use this dildo until midnight and not to dare try it longer than that.

Obviously, Cinderella paid no attention to the warning and started to have fun with the dildo totally loosing track of time. When the Fairy came back the next day, she realized that Cinderella was still crying except only harder and louder and obviously in a great deal of pain!

She immediately went down to her and asked her how yesterday went and Cinderella said it went really well until Midnight.

"So what are you crying about?" the Fairy asked.

"Because you never told me this thing would turn back INTO a pumpkin after midnight!"

ouchie...

Practice giving birth to baby then

Baby is |<----->|
Pumpkin is |<------------------------------------------->|

>.<

Easier for real baby to come out then

Dang.........pumpkin?

dang.......

THE INEXPERIENCED MAN


A woman took an inexperienced man home one night. When they got to her apartment, she suggested that they try a 69.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

Not knowing quite how to explain, she said, "You put your head between my legs and I'll put my head between your legs."

Still unsure but willing, he agreed. As soon as he got his head between her legs, she let out a rip-roaring fart.

"What the hell was that?!?" he asked.

"Oops! I'm so sorry! Let's try again," she said.

On the second attempt the very same thing happened. The man immediately got up and started getting dressed.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

To which he replied, "If you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those, you're crazy!!"

lol...
that is darn hilarious....

ROLL OUT THE BARREL...


Two ship captains were sitting at the bar one night getting good and lit when one turned to the other and said, "You know what gets me, though, is these damn sailors! Oh sure, they're fine for the first few weeks, but on those three-month trips at sea they start getting pretty hard up. With all the whacking off going on, it's a wonder any work is getting done, and it's making a mess all over the ship. I don't know what to do!"

The other captain smiles knowingly at his companion. "Oldest trick in the book. You take the crew and divide them into two teams. Then you buy about 50 barrels and put them on the ship. You tell the crew that the team that fills the most barrels wins a bag of gold."

"Well that's a great way to keep the ship clean, but then I'm out a bag of gold every trip!"

"Not so," replied the other captain. "After you get back to port, take all the barrels together and sell them to the wax factory to make into candles. You make a tidy profit every time."

The captain pondered this and the next day, he took his friend's advice and divided the crew, bought a bunch of barrels, and set off to sea. Before long, the crew took to the new system and began filling barrel after barrel.

When they finally reached port, the captain sold the barrels for a huge profit. 'This is great,' thought the captain, 'before long, I'll be able to buy a new boat!'

This went on, voyage after voyage. Then one day, the ship happened back to that very first port. Coming down the gangplank, the captain was surprised to see the cops waiting for him. As they slapped the cuffs on him, the captain cried out, "What's the meaning of this?!"

"You sick *******," replied the cop. "Remember all those barrels you sold to the candle factory last time you passed through town?"

"Sure," said the captain. "What about 'em?!"

"Well, they made them into candles, sold them to the convent, and now all the nuns are pregnant!"

Wife is like TV, girlfriend is like Handphone (HP)

At home watch TV, go out bring HP.

No money, sell TV. Got money change HP.

Sometimes enjoy TV, but most of the time play with HP.

TV free for life but HP, if you don't pay the services will be terminated.

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old, but handphone is cute, slim, curvy and very portable at any time.

Operational cost for TV is often acceptable but for HP is high and often demanding.

Most Important, TV got remote.. HP don't have..

Last but not least..

TV do not have virus, but h/p yes.. have VIRUS.. once get it, HABIS LA..

This post has been edited by suiteng: Jun 2 2008, 11:33 PM

Nice one suiteng, it made my night feels younger.

lol virus

tv got remote is what?

^maybe it means u can order/command the wife around.

Hahahahaa, the nun use the candle for <-Censored->

At least when the nuns say non of them know who their child's father is, they ain't lying...

This post has been edited by allinuff: Jun 4 2008, 03:11 PM