Hi All, thanks for sharing your experiences.. I've considered so many things. Either to seek help from a psychiatrist or to try and solve it myself...seeking help from friend's and family, well at times there's a lot of emotional blackmail and all that kind of drives me to do it further...
I tried attending classes to learn new things to divert my mind...Works for a while..

I take walks and so on in the evenings though at times the thoughts to do something crazy comes by, like jumping into the lake...
There were times where I thought of mixing alcohol and meds and overdose on it...I eventually am scared of myself..

At present, I live with housemates though we are not really close friends..and I'm the only one at home usually until late night as they come home late..

Hi All, thanks for sharing your experiences.. I've considered so many things. Either to seek help from a psychiatrist or to try and solve it myself...seeking help from friend's and family, well at times there's a lot of emotional blackmail and all that kind of drives me to do it further...
I tried attending classes to learn new things to divert my mind...Works for a while..

I take walks and so on in the evenings though at times the thoughts to do something crazy comes by, like jumping into the lake...
There were times where I thought of mixing alcohol and meds and overdose on it...I eventually am scared of myself..

At present, I live with housemates though we are not really close friends..and I'm the only one at home usually until late night as they come home late..

How do I gain the courage to end my life or gain the courage to forget that idea completely?

I believe I'm going through major depression..

Exactly a year ago, my life was completely different. I had a happy and perfect life and it was anything but what I am today.

Well, I have been pretty much single all my life. I've liked people and it has been one sided & vice versa. I never really cared about it as my life was just fine. My time was fully utilised for work, family, friends, gym and my own hobbies..
I was doing well career wise and I had some of the best friends one could ask for.

This changed when I chose to move overseas, across the causeway, the last quarter of 2015. Well, to me it was a new experience and journey.
As a matter of fact, my take home savings is the same as what I was getting here and I took a downgrade in terms of job role. However, I took up the opportunity in hopes of discovering a new journey and finding myself alone.

Initially, the move was seamless. I was happy and my new job was so easy that I had lots of extra time for myself. I started venturing around the new country, finding new things to do, painting, reading, drawing, cooking and so on. Things I never had time for previously.

It all stopped when I met an acquaintance I knew once upon a time. He works there as well though we met in MY sometime ago  Let's say then he was coming after me though I kept a distance as I never felt at ease with his intentions. However, when we met again, we became closer. Knowing I was new in that country, he tried to show me around. He was somewhat pursuing me again and me being naive in terms of relationships, I kind of fell for him along the way. From running away, I started liking him and the way he tried to pursue me. All was good until I got to know he was actually engaged sometime before we met again. He never told me but I found out myself. When I asked him, he never denied though he kept saying he was still single/ not married and it was not something of his choice.

By then, I was head over heels over him. He knew it as well and he knew how to play along. I kept feeling stupid for going back to him knowing he will eventually leave me though there was hope somewhere. All his sweet talks. We lived together for 2 months+, went on vacation, spent a lot of time together and I kind of lost myself during that process. I was crazy over him. He knew it and there was some guilt on his end, not sure if it was genuine. It came to a point where he was going to get married. Yet he was out with me, introducing me to his friends and all. He kept saying we are best friends and we will always remain so. I told him how I felt (which he knew from day 1) and that I preferred to part ways if we could never be together. He turned it against me saying I was ruining a friendship (though our relationship was way beyond that) and he never wanted to part ways with me even after getting married. I knew better. He even said if it made me happy, he will marry me instead and stop his wedding, which he never did of course, citing his family was important. During that time frame, he was always with me, never with the fiance as she was elsewhere. He hardly even spoke to her. Eventually, I chose to cut off communication with him. He got married and is happy now. He is also in the same country though I'm not sure where now. I chose to let go knowing I am not going to do injustice to another woman and I deserve better. There's lots of questions, regrets, emotions going on and I feel stupid, naive, dumb, and so on at the same time.

I have gone through hell trying to move on in the past 4 months. I've lost a lot of weight, distanced myself from everything/ everyone and I hardly go out anymore. I can't forget things and well I can't turn back to the person I was before I got into the mess. I tried meeting others though it did not help. I cry everywhere, everyday.

I contemplated suicide for sometime. Even bought meds in the hopes of overdosing. Didn't have the guts to after taking almost half a strip of pills. I've also distanced myself from my family. I don't know why but it's hard for me to talk to anyone.

One side, my family wants me to get married, my friends wants me to become the person I was once, though I want out of this life...

I don't wish to live...Though the only reason why i am still holding on is for my mom. She knows what happened and keeps trying to motivate me to move on.

I thought of coming home, quiting my job though I have not been able to find a job here yet. I've got commitments to pay and hence, the idea of quiting without a job back home is scary. I thought of getting married to forget him, though marriage is not in my luck I guess. I've tried meeting new people and it makes me sadder. Every guy out there wants no strings attached relationship and I am not that person. The entire process has made me feel so low, lose my confidence, doubt myself...I wonder why is it I can't be in a real relationship where people are not looking for lust! I'm average looking, smart, financially independent and yet it is so hard to find someone out there.

I still believe in God though I have stopped praying for sometime.

At times, I feel like I am getting better though deep down I know I still feel depressed. I no longer draw, paint or read as it reminds me of him. I've considered calling befrienders though I doubt it will help...I've sat many nights trying to find the guts to end my life.

I often contemplate if I should try overdosing and at times, I walk around nearby parks and lakes wondering if I will ever have the guts to just end my life there...Coming from a science background, I spent a lot of time reading on how to mix meds and chemicals to make it work...
Worst part, I am now in a country where suicide happens almost everyday and reading the news, I often wonder when is my turn.

For once in my life I am lost and I don't know what to do...

The sad part, once, I was so smart, successful, talented and I used to motivate others. Today I feel like a failure. Not many know what I'm going through though they can see I'm a changed person...

I was once a frequent participant in this forum, met friends from here and today, after a long time, I chose to post this here in hopes of getting some advise.

Hi All, thanks for sharing your experiences.. I've considered so many things. Either to seek help from a psychiatrist or to try and solve it myself...seeking help from friend's and family, well at times there's a lot of emotional blackmail and all that kind of drives me to do it further...
I tried attending classes to learn new things to divert my mind...Works for a while..

I take walks and so on in the evenings though at times the thoughts to do something crazy comes by, like jumping into the lake...
There were times where I thought of mixing alcohol and meds and overdose on it...I eventually am scared of myself..

At present, I live with housemates though we are not really close friends..and I'm the only one at home usually until late night as they come home late..

How do I gain the courage to end my life or gain the courage to forget that idea completely?

How do I gain the courage to end my life or gain the courage to forget that idea completely?

I believe I'm going through major depression..

Exactly a year ago, my life was completely different. I had a happy and perfect life and it was anything but what I am today.

Well, I have been pretty much single all my life. I've liked people and it has been one sided & vice versa. I never really cared about it as my life was just fine. My time was fully utilised for work, family, friends, gym and my own hobbies..
I was doing well career wise and I had some of the best friends one could ask for.

This changed when I chose to move overseas, across the causeway, the last quarter of 2015. Well, to me it was a new experience and journey.
As a matter of fact, my take home savings is the same as what I was getting here and I took a downgrade in terms of job role. However, I took up the opportunity in hopes of discovering a new journey and finding myself alone.

Initially, the move was seamless. I was happy and my new job was so easy that I had lots of extra time for myself. I started venturing around the new country, finding new things to do, painting, reading, drawing, cooking and so on. Things I never had time for previously.

It all stopped when I met an acquaintance I knew once upon a time. He works there as well though we met in MY sometime ago  Let's say then he was coming after me though I kept a distance as I never felt at ease with his intentions. However, when we met again, we became closer. Knowing I was new in that country, he tried to show me around. He was somewhat pursuing me again and me being naive in terms of relationships, I kind of fell for him along the way. From running away, I started liking him and the way he tried to pursue me. All was good until I got to know he was actually engaged sometime before we met again. He never told me but I found out myself. When I asked him, he never denied though he kept saying he was still single/ not married and it was not something of his choice.

By then, I was head over heels over him. He knew it as well and he knew how to play along. I kept feeling stupid for going back to him knowing he will eventually leave me though there was hope somewhere. All his sweet talks. We lived together for 2 months+, went on vacation, spent a lot of time together and I kind of lost myself during that process. I was crazy over him. He knew it and there was some guilt on his end, not sure if it was genuine. It came to a point where he was going to get married. Yet he was out with me, introducing me to his friends and all. He kept saying we are best friends and we will always remain so. I told him how I felt (which he knew from day 1) and that I preferred to part ways if we could never be together. He turned it against me saying I was ruining a friendship (though our relationship was way beyond that) and he never wanted to part ways with me even after getting married. I knew better. He even said if it made me happy, he will marry me instead and stop his wedding, which he never did of course, citing his family was important. During that time frame, he was always with me, never with the fiance as she was elsewhere. He hardly even spoke to her. Eventually, I chose to cut off communication with him. He got married and is happy now. He is also in the same country though I'm not sure where now. I chose to let go knowing I am not going to do injustice to another woman and I deserve better. There's lots of questions, regrets, emotions going on and I feel stupid, naive, dumb, and so on at the same time.

I have gone through hell trying to move on in the past 4 months. I've lost a lot of weight, distanced myself from everything/ everyone and I hardly go out anymore. I can't forget things and well I can't turn back to the person I was before I got into the mess. I tried meeting others though it did not help. I cry everywhere, everyday.

I contemplated suicide for sometime. Even bought meds in the hopes of overdosing. Didn't have the guts to after taking almost half a strip of pills. I've also distanced myself from my family. I don't know why but it's hard for me to talk to anyone.

One side, my family wants me to get married, my friends wants me to become the person I was once, though I want out of this life...

I don't wish to live...Though the only reason why i am still holding on is for my mom. She knows what happened and keeps trying to motivate me to move on.

I thought of coming home, quiting my job though I have not been able to find a job here yet. I've got commitments to pay and hence, the idea of quiting without a job back home is scary. I thought of getting married to forget him, though marriage is not in my luck I guess. I've tried meeting new people and it makes me sadder. Every guy out there wants no strings attached relationship and I am not that person. The entire process has made me feel so low, lose my confidence, doubt myself...I wonder why is it I can't be in a real relationship where people are not looking for lust! I'm average looking, smart, financially independent and yet it is so hard to find someone out there.

I still believe in God though I have stopped praying for sometime.

At times, I feel like I am getting better though deep down I know I still feel depressed. I no longer draw, paint or read as it reminds me of him. I've considered calling befrienders though I doubt it will help...I've sat many nights trying to find the guts to end my life.

I often contemplate if I should try overdosing and at times, I walk around nearby parks and lakes wondering if I will ever have the guts to just end my life there...Coming from a science background, I spent a lot of time reading on how to mix meds and chemicals to make it work...
Worst part, I am now in a country where suicide happens almost everyday and reading the news, I often wonder when is my turn.

For once in my life I am lost and I don't know what to do...

The sad part, once, I was so smart, successful, talented and I used to motivate others. Today I feel like a failure. Not many know what I'm going through though they can see I'm a changed person...

I was once a frequent participant in this forum, met friends from here and today, after a long time, I chose to post this here in hopes of getting some advise.

How do I gain the courage to end my life or gain the courage to forget that idea completely?

I believe I'm going through major depression..

Exactly a year ago, my life was completely different. I had a happy and perfect life and it was anything but what I am today.

Well, I have been pretty much single all my life. I've liked people and it has been one sided & vice versa. I never really cared about it as my life was just fine. My time was fully utilised for work, family, friends, gym and my own hobbies..
I was doing well career wise and I had some of the best friends one could ask for.

This changed when I chose to move overseas, across the causeway, the last quarter of 2015. Well, to me it was a new experience and journey.
As a matter of fact, my take home savings is the same as what I was getting here and I took a downgrade in terms of job role. However, I took up the opportunity in hopes of discovering a new journey and finding myself alone.

Initially, the move was seamless. I was happy and my new job was so easy that I had lots of extra time for myself. I started venturing around the new country, finding new things to do, painting, reading, drawing, cooking and so on. Things I never had time for previously.

It all stopped when I met an acquaintance I knew once upon a time. He works there as well though we met in MY sometime ago  Let's say then he was coming after me though I kept a distance as I never felt at ease with his intentions. However, when we met again, we became closer. Knowing I was new in that country, he tried to show me around. He was somewhat pursuing me again and me being naive in terms of relationships, I kind of fell for him along the way. From running away, I started liking him and the way he tried to pursue me. All was good until I got to know he was actually engaged sometime before we met again. He never told me but I found out myself. When I asked him, he never denied though he kept saying he was still single/ not married and it was not something of his choice.

By then, I was head over heels over him. He knew it as well and he knew how to play along. I kept feeling stupid for going back to him knowing he will eventually leave me though there was hope somewhere. All his sweet talks. We lived together for 2 months+, went on vacation, spent a lot of time together and I kind of lost myself during that process. I was crazy over him. He knew it and there was some guilt on his end, not sure if it was genuine. It came to a point where he was going to get married. Yet he was out with me, introducing me to his friends and all. He kept saying we are best friends and we will always remain so. I told him how I felt (which he knew from day 1) and that I preferred to part ways if we could never be together. He turned it against me saying I was ruining a friendship (though our relationship was way beyond that) and he never wanted to part ways with me even after getting married. I knew better. He even said if it made me happy, he will marry me instead and stop his wedding, which he never did of course, citing his family was important. During that time frame, he was always with me, never with the fiance as she was elsewhere. He hardly even spoke to her. Eventually, I chose to cut off communication with him. He got married and is happy now. He is also in the same country though I'm not sure where now. I chose to let go knowing I am not going to do injustice to another woman and I deserve better. There's lots of questions, regrets, emotions going on and I feel stupid, naive, dumb, and so on at the same time.

I have gone through hell trying to move on in the past 4 months. I've lost a lot of weight, distanced myself from everything/ everyone and I hardly go out anymore. I can't forget things and well I can't turn back to the person I was before I got into the mess. I tried meeting others though it did not help. I cry everywhere, everyday.

I contemplated suicide for sometime. Even bought meds in the hopes of overdosing. Didn't have the guts to after taking almost half a strip of pills. I've also distanced myself from my family. I don't know why but it's hard for me to talk to anyone.

One side, my family wants me to get married, my friends wants me to become the person I was once, though I want out of this life...

I don't wish to live...Though the only reason why i am still holding on is for my mom. She knows what happened and keeps trying to motivate me to move on.

I thought of coming home, quiting my job though I have not been able to find a job here yet. I've got commitments to pay and hence, the idea of quiting without a job back home is scary. I thought of getting married to forget him, though marriage is not in my luck I guess. I've tried meeting new people and it makes me sadder. Every guy out there wants no strings attached relationship and I am not that person. The entire process has made me feel so low, lose my confidence, doubt myself...I wonder why is it I can't be in a real relationship where people are not looking for lust! I'm average looking, smart, financially independent and yet it is so hard to find someone out there.

I still believe in God though I have stopped praying for sometime.

At times, I feel like I am getting better though deep down I know I still feel depressed. I no longer draw, paint or read as it reminds me of him. I've considered calling befrienders though I doubt it will help...I've sat many nights trying to find the guts to end my life.

I often contemplate if I should try overdosing and at times, I walk around nearby parks and lakes wondering if I will ever have the guts to just end my life there...Coming from a science background, I spent a lot of time reading on how to mix meds and chemicals to make it work...
Worst part, I am now in a country where suicide happens almost everyday and reading the news, I often wonder when is my turn.

For once in my life I am lost and I don't know what to do...

The sad part, once, I was so smart, successful, talented and I used to motivate others. Today I feel like a failure. Not many know what I'm going through though they can see I'm a changed person...

I was once a frequent participant in this forum, met friends from here and today, after a long time, I chose to post this here in hopes of getting some advise.