sounds like you have it tough bro. they both feed off each others energy. so its kinda like being on constant recharge. i dont think there is a way to drain the battery or gas if they are together. but normally kids will begin really misbehaving after they get tired. so if they are full pedal from morning, i think they need to nap if possible. sometimes my son also going nuts but ask him to lie down and close his eyes and within few minutes already knocked out. if i dont ask him to lie down he can full throttle from 7am till 11pm nonstop. its kinda strange.

yaya, now you mention, my daughter can play and play, if I did not be strict and force her to lie down and close her eyes, she will continue to play. within minutes of closing her eyes, she will sleep

Guys, I need some advices here. Recently, my wife got pregnant unplanned, we planned to get it next year but it's an accident. The moment we verified it, I had anxiety and fear. Since then, my legs shivered, heart beats rapidly, and feels like puke every day. Down my heart, I wants it but I afraid my financial is not stable enough to have kids and I don't know what to do.

In front of my wife I need to display myself to my wife that I'm calm and happy for it. When I'm alone, I'm all in anxiety and nervous. What should I do? Should I visit the psychiatric or any consultants available for my situation?

as a father of a now 5 years old boy. unless you earning the really big bucks, im sorry to say there is always financial pressure. at the time I had my son, i was even unemployed so i know what youre going through. But be honest with yourself and your wife, dont need to play the tough cool guy, at least discuss your fears and concerns with her. this is a life commitment. go through it together. you were planning for it next year anyways right? next year is only 3 months away. so its just a little early.

im not a specialist but i think you need to find the real cause of the anxiety is your anxiety truly due to finances or more towards being a father or something else completely? if you really cant find the answer, then please do seek professional help.

But in my opinion, if it is solely due to finances, you have years and years to improve your situation. bro, you have time to earn more money. but no matter how much money, you cant buy back this time of your life. Its not like the moment they pop out, you need thousands upon thousands in the bank. live within your means, and put in the work. people are raising families on less than 1k household income. its not ideal, but its possible. and there is also BSH/BRIM if you fall into that category. sad to say you may have to cut off some hobbys, friends, etc, but i will say this; only when you become a father, do you understand a fathers love, sacrifice and weight. when you see them sleeping peacefully. you ready to fking take on anything.

jus my 2sen. but anyways, What is it about your finances that you believe is not stable enough to have kids?

Thanks for the reply.

Probably, I'm not prepared to cut off my expensive hobby, my so-called dream which I just able to achieve in recent year. I can't imagine my life without hobby, I climb the hard way to get this lifestyle and now it's gone. Of course I'm sure that I could afford financially if I cut off all these unnecessary expenses but I'm just not sure if I'm prepared to cut all these entertainment.

Also, I'm not sure I am prepared to be a perfect example for my kids. How much habit I should cut off and how much efforts I should put in. I felt very lost at this point of time.

Firstly. No such thing as being a perfect example. Parenting is a learning process for everyone. How much effort and what not is just what kinda parent you wanna be. Waifu will guide you lol.

But anyways. now that you know the issue is not really financial then you need to make a decision lor. Dunno what the hobby is. But hobbies can be continued later or worked around. Its not the end. Anyways good luck bro.

Give and take. We gain sth, we lose sth.

Why not take it from the bright side? Be grateful that your wife is able to conceive. Some friends are not that lucky. Also, getting pregnant earlier is always better for your wife.

Think of it, it's better than later you are ready but failed to conceive. Just accept it with a happy heart. The hobby can wait, find other means to support yourself financially. I'm ready to give up anything for my baby. Perhaps in future we can share the same hobby with the kids?

There's always positive to every matter.

First of all, do some financial calculation. Then sit down and think what to do.

Kids dont really take a toll on finances. Why?

1. Checkup and labour - just goto government clinic.. below 1K settle everything.
2. Formula milk (if you need to) - just start with the economy type and only change if child has problem with it. There is no need to buy those DHA, AA etc FM.
3. Clothing are cheap as well. Just check warehouse sale site and see when they do sales. You can get plenty of clothing for very small amount of money.
4. Dont buy expensive strollers, car seat etc.
5. Dont buy child insurance, most if not all are investment linked. Not guaranteed.

You just need to worry about your children day care. Check if your parents/in-laws are willing to look after your baby during working hours.

Thanks for all the encouragement.

There is not much I could reduce after I had a kids, especially on the day care and my wife welfare (labour). Probably I just have to accept it no matter how.

How is their diet? Sugar tend to get them hyper. Try to remove all cereals, junk food and artificial sugars from their diet. Also white bread. Also make sure that they have a routine.

Do you "fuel" them with mobile devices and/or multimedia?

Actually, there are quite a number of things you can do... Having kids doesn't necessarily take a toll on your finances.

1. Government vs Private Hospitals... I was only charged RM66 with Government, compared to RM2500 (quoted) with a Private Hospital (that is if there are no other complications involved)
2. Confinement and Care... Done by your own mother, or your MIL.
3. If you've other siblings or relatives who have children before you... you'll spend even much lesser with hand-down stuffs; cot, clothings, etc.
4. A slight change to lifestyle... Home-cooking vs eating out.
5. Hobbies don't die with children around. They can be put on hold.

Sorry for the late reply...

For my daughter, if she is about to run out of battery, she will be talking extra..talk talk talk and talk..then suddenly goes to sleep. And a deep sleeper. Frequently late to kindy because she is reluctant to wake up.
For my boy - Well the moment he feels tired he will find somewhere to lie down..motionless and slowly goes to sleep. Less of a drama.


I usually don't encourage them on mobile devices. Thats why I kept telling my wife - Delete all the games in her personal handphone. But somehow my daughter is smart enough to navigate through Google Play Store. Damn. Need to find ways to lock that.

If it's my handphone, zero games. Only 1 Youtube Kid app. and even if one of them borrow, I set a timer to limit only 20-25 mins. In fact I install (and recommend) this app called App Off timer. Blocks apps at specific time and usage. P.s - Only works well for Samsung. Seem to have abit issue with OS such as Xiaomi , Oppo, but usable.

App Off Timer
or
Stay Focused - Compatible for Huawei / Oppo / Xiaomi.

I think the blame should be on my wife. Sorry. But she pampers them especially my daughter. Thats why now my daughter is rather fussy / picky on her food. And when it comes to fast food such as McD / Texas Chicken, yes, my daughter knows about "Coca Cola" or "Fanta" .
Looks like diet seems to be out of control. But my boy is fine - He is less fussy.

One of the reasons for hyperactivity is junk food. That is why fast foods should be limited to once a month. My daughter is also quite active when she was young but because I cook 3 healthy meals a day for her, her activeness is controlled. When she was a toddler, I used to cook simple meals for her. Usually porridge with fish/chicken with vegetables. Liquids is only water and milk. No soft drinks at all. The only junk food she ate was when it was served to her during friends and family birthday party. Due to me allowing very little junk food in her diet when she was growing up (she is 18 now), her health is very good. Her teeth and bones are healthy and she often gets compliments by the dentist on her strong teeth.

So my advice would be to look into her diet. Once diet is controlled, make sure they have a routine. Wake up at 6am. Shower and breakfast and ready for the day by 7am. Then have activities like reading, education toys sessions etc. 10.00 am a simple snack like a banana or an apple. No juices. Just water or half a glass of milk. Lunch at 12.30 or 1pm. Then another small snack at 4pm and dinner at 7pm. In bed by 8.30pm. Naps should not be more than 1 hour.

When they have a routine and their diet is controlled, they will be disciplined and your life will also be easier. These are some of the things I did that worked for me.

I'm now a father of 4! Latest is a baby boy after 3 girls.

I feel so happy.

Congrats! And respect man!!

congratulations bro

Wow congratz! I very seldom hear people have 4 kids nowadays. Were u trying your luck to get a baby boy?

My latest was a baby boy too after 2 girls. Alot of people thought we were trying to get a baby boy but actually we plan to stop at two, lol..

Nope. We plan to have at least 4 kids. Boy or girl doesnt matter. And if our health & wealth permit, more kid before wife reach 40.

We plan for the kids.

Thank you.