Yea, okie. Thanks for all these. I'll try my best.

hey guys....

how can i make my girl feel secure?

im over here.....and i think sometimes she feels insecure about us....
if i go out...she asks if there is any girl around etc...

I'm not sure if this works, let her know every friend you got over there, be it guy or girl. How long have you been with her and how old is she at the moment?

Hi all, been a while haven't posted here....

Jdreamer, sorry to hear about your breakup.... I feel sad too becoz when I was reading miyoko and your posts, I thought of the breakup with my ex.... The saddest experiance in my life, the darkest days in my life... Fortunately it took me only half year to recover, just like miyoko did. You have to be strong, ok? Nothing much I can say 'cuz most of them have given advices that I could think of... All the best to you.

Miyoko, glad to hear that finally you're back to normal with your honey. My bf also gets extremely busy and moody after running own business. Though he didn't neglect me nor say anything to hurt me, the "quality" of our love is actually diminishing.

These days I am kinda emotional becoz of a problem... Here I've a question to ask : If the 人生觀/價值觀 (sorry don't know how to say in English) of the couple is different, is it hard for the couple to continue their relationship?

Hello everyone..
Northasian,i cant read chinese,can you put that in cantonese ar?Maybe i can help?

Hi max,

oops sorry... should be "ga jik goon" (view towards value) or "yan sang goon" (view towards life)

The problem now is we hold different view towards value and life.

1/Not wanna move to HK (I'm from HK) - alright, I'm willing to move there provided he is able to feed the whole family if I can't find any company to hire me. Actually not prefer to move there 'cuz the security is too bad there.

2/Not prefer to work!!! - this's the main problem. After he's started own business he's addicted to be the boss. BUT his business hasn't been good enough to sustain a family. He asked me to give him to try until end of this year. After that he MIGHT want to come to HK but would prefer to run business again. You know, I just can't stand to have a life partner who can't give me security feeling financially! I don't mean he has to feed me or I want to be a "siu nai nai" after married, but I really need a reliable income for the family to use loh, not myself.

This post has been edited by northasian: Sep 22 2006, 02:42 AM

Finally its friday and tomolo i can c my dear!!!
Thats the only saturday i can spend wif him alone for this month...
There was too many things happen previously and this is a real good start for me
today i will have to fight wif my boss for some problems that im facing wif my current employment...luckily he is still here to support me ...

Thanks..

But sorry that I cant give much advice to u about ur problem. I failed my relationship so Im not qualified to.

hi guys, wht present suitable when 1st time meet a girl frm other state...............
we both agree to meet when she finished exm.............

Is she even ur girlfriend yet ?

i also duno whether fren or gf.....................
just planning to give present coz she also said want to give me one when meet.
i am noob in love.............

usually, in this kind of situation, it will better if you could change the way your girl think. well, my advice will be, you try to make your point clear saying that you need her trust in order for the relationship to work. because it is really hard to maintain a long distance relationship if there is no trust. you'll eventually get pressured because you will be overly worried that she will think nonsense and lack of trust with you each time you have any outings.

well, in this kind of situation, i will try to make my points clear that i need trust. STERN and CLEAR. well, this is what my dear did lah... hehehe... of course i wasnt checking on him but sometimes, if i just overstep the border, then he would say his point of view and we come to an agreeable solution lorr...

well, i always give 101% of trust to my dear, since the beginning of relationship. and he hasnt violated it even once. so, basically, there's no trust issue between both of us. well, maybe both should work it out together. you play your part to give her more trust and she play her part in being not so suspicious and negative thinking. it has to work in both way. all the best yeah.

thanks a lot for your wish. me and my dear didnt only back to normal. actually, i feel both of us have moved to another level in our relationship. previously there's some kind of barrier when we are to talk of certain things but now, it's no longer there. we are more close to each others and i strongly believe there's a future for both of us. currently, we are working together to furnish his house (our house)

In my opinion, everyone have a different sets of "ga jik goon" or "yan sang goon". this is definitely unavoidable. me and my dear also different. i guess, in this kind of situation, RESPECT and COMPROMISE is EXTREMELY important. well, i hope that the things that i will say will not offend you. if i ever do, let me apologize first.

i somehow feel you ought to respect your bf's choice. dont put your thought or opinion is more previledge than his thought or opinion. both's opinion should be at the same level. there's no superiority in relationship. try not to put yourself as the superior here. try to put yourself in his position and dont think so negatively. he must have his own reason to wanting to have his own business. try to respect it, ok? as to why i say not to put yourself in the superior, is because when you put yourself in superior, you will tend to think that only your idea works while his idea is not as good as yours. yes, i understand that you are from Hong Kong and you would know the culture there more than him and you believe that working for others is a better start than to straight away start his own business (if he is to go to Hong Kong). However, there are cases where a foreigner is success starting business in a foreign country. have some faith and confident in him. try not to worry about it too much and create tense between both of you.

yes, i do know that you would want him to be financially viable to finance your family (i mean the family that both of you will build together). but you gotta understand that the family belongs to both of you. so both of you gotta work together to finance it and to make it a happy family. yes, the responsibility lies higher and heavier on the man's shoulder, but the woman behind him acts to support him in case if the burden is too heavy.

try to understand the reason to why he wants to start his business. frankly speaking, having own business is indeed a better way to earn money. and frankly speaking, it doesnt only take 1 year for a new starting company to earn money. it will take at least 1.5 or 2 years to break even and start to earn money. so i believe, time and support is what he needs now.

take myself as an example. i'm not the type of person who always like to take risk. so when my dear tell me he's starting business, i'm kind of worried. moreover, his ex-company (that time his company) have just promoted him and there's salary increment and there's also some counter offer when he resign. i thought that it would be safer to work for others because if lost money also, still the money is the other company's money. so, i kind of not that supportive. but when he told me that the reason why he wanna start his business is because he wanna have his own career and to earn more money for his future family (me and our family), i decided to fully support him. because if i love him, i have to love all of him. we'll be there for each others to support each others through ups and down.

then, now, he has got really little time for me. i was sad and kind of angry about it and we got some argument and cold war for 1 day (one day only, hehehe... cos i couldnt stand pretending to be angry but actually care about him - such a torture for me) then eventually after i think about it, i come to understand that no matter how i angry or cold war or scold him, he couldnt do anything about his time because he just couldnt fork out the time. and when i get angry about it, it only made both of us unhappy, so, eventually, i learn to accept it and deep down inside me, i know that he will definitely spend time to accompany me if he's available. and that's just what he do. so happy about it. he always try to arrange his time to be there for me when i need him

anyway, enough about my part. northasian, maybe you ought to talk it with him. ask him the reason why he want his own business. dont jump into conclusion that he want his own business just because he wanna be boss and dont wanna work under people. remember one thing, even if he have his own business, he still work under other people, and that other people is his CUSTOMERS. well, i guess i wrote too long. hope that it's of some help. all the best to you, yeah.

ONE, and i mean, ONE stalk of flower will do. maybe try giving a pink rose, or whatever flower with meaning of good day, or you are beautiful, but try not to give red rose, just yet. all the very best to you.

hey... have some confident in yourself. it's not like when you fail in one relationship, you fail in all. moreover you didnt fail at all. it's just that both of you have decided to walk on a separate road to achieve each others dream. there's no failure when a relationship ends. remember this and be confident with yourself, ok?

yeah....i let her know about my frens...eventhough she never knew them personally...but she met my housemate ald...ive been with her for almost a year now....and she is 22 yrs...

thanx...
thats what i did. I told her sternly and strictly, if this is ever gonna workout, we need trust. I need to trust her and she needs to trust me.

We had this TRUST talk before bcoz when I asked her before, with whom did she go out with...she never gave me a straight answer...just some frens she said. I dont wanna accuse her of anything that time...I just wanted to get to know her frens...a way to get to know her better...and be accepted in her colleagues...But she told me she answered like that coz she thinks if she tell me their names is no use, coz i dont know them...

Anyway...my point is...we had the TRUST talk a few times ald....and like u said, i did tell to her about it firmly and sternly. When i go out, i will tell her. If i go out with frens, i will tell her. If there is any girls around, i will tell her. If i have to go out with a girl, i will ask permission from her 1st....I do that not becoz she asked me too...but i feel i wanna do it....

But still...sometimes she will ask me...(if i go out unexpectedly) with whom did i do those activities with? any girls? things like that....
I dont know how to be more honest with her...
And i never cheat on her...

Is this normal for girls to sometimes be afraid and feel insecure?

Sometimes she just provoke me...like..."owh, there are girls with u over there?" and i will tell her la..they are just my juniors, and im not the only guy bla bla...
Is this her way to test me? to convince herself of our relationship? meyakinkan diri sendiri...?

Thanx for ur time Miyoko and Firewire

This post has been edited by quiksilver: Sep 22 2006, 10:13 AM

you are most welcome. no, i always try not to provoke my dear.

in your gf's case, maybe she's just insecure and lack of confident on herself. tell her that you dont feel good about those kind of provoking. one point to ponder, if now, she already like this, then when old that time, how?

exactly what i told her...if now cant trust each other...till when? till when will this lasts?
Actually i dont feel bad about her provoking me...if thats how to make her feel better about us...i dont mind...

What shud i advice her besides the ones u ald told me?

erm... i'm out of idea, maybe others can give some idea? cos in my POV, when my guy say until like that liao, i will definitely understand liao and will try my best to be good worr...

well, for your case, maybe you ask her is it that she's suspicious and dont trust you, therefore, keep on checking and provoking you? ask for an answer lorr. then from her answer, then you ask her how she wants you to do lorr. let her guide you because only she understand what she needs better.

Im trying to. But I dont think I'll able to be confident again in this kind of short period. But anyway, thanks..

ok...
ill ask her....

But i think a lil insecurity in good for the relationship dont u think? Keep us on check...
She worries about u....so we do our best to convince her...Got positive effect rite?

But now im just out of ways of convincing her...huhu...
mebbe shud stop here..there the limit for a "little" insecurity...this is getting bigger...huhu

yes, a little is good, but when it's getting bigger, that is where the trouble and problem comes. all the best yeah.