ah_Keng:
Is it you are the pig in jellybean's joke ?? (j/k)

Joke 1
Boy goes 4 Blood Test. Nurse takes the sample but can't find cotton so she
Sucks his Finger!
Boy is so happy he asks, Can I gat a Urine Test also?

Joke 2
Do u know why guys fart louder? Because in between his legs, there is
1microphone & 2 speakers.

Joke 3
A wife asks hubby how many women he had slept with? Husband proudly replies
only u darling; with others I was awake!

Joke 4
A man ask doc. how to live longer?
Doc ask him :U Smoke?
Ans : No
U drink?
Ans No.
U play mahjong?
Ans No
U like sex?
Ans No.
Then U want to live so long 4 what?

Joke 5
Phone rings & maid picks up phone as her master is bathing.... Wen the
caller asked what is he doing,
the maid replied "mastur bating"

"Dua ekor hantu bertemu dan bercerita bagaimana mereka mati......
> > Hantu 1 : Bagaimana kau boleh mati?
> > Hantu 2 : Aku mati akibat kesejukan...
> > Hantu 1 : Macam mana rasanya mati dlm kesejukkan tu?
> > Hantu 2 : Sebenarnya aku terkurung dalam peti ais...mula2 aku cuma
> > menggigil, lepas tu anggota aku mula membeku, kemudian aku rasa
dunia
>aku
> > gelap dan akhirnya.....tapi aku rasa bersyukur kerana aku mati
tanpa
> > banyak kesakitan....
> > Hantu 1 : Ishhh...kesiannya kau
> > Hantu 2 : Kau pulak, macam mana kau boleh mati....?
> > Hantu 1 : Aku kena serangan sakit jantung...
> > Hantu 2 : Oooo...cam mana kau boleh kena serangan sakit jantung?
> > Hantu 1 : Sebenarnya aku dapat tahu isteri aku curang. Suatu hari,
aku
> > balik ke rumah secara mengejut. Aku nampak ada kasut lelaki kat
depan
> > pintu. Aku tahu mesti isteri aku sedang bermesra dengan jantan
lain..
>Aku
> > berlari masuk bilik tidur, cuma ada isteri aku...aku tahu mesti
jantan
>tu
> > bersembunyi kat mana2..aku lari masuk bilik air, tak de jugak,
kemudian
> > aku lari ke tingkat bawah, tengok dalam setor, pun tak ade...aku
lari
>naik
> > tingkat atas semula, tengok dalam almari.....sebab terlalu penat
aku
> > berlari la aku kena sakit jantung...memang sakit dan akhirnya....
> > Hantu 2 : Apasal kau tak tengok dalam peti ais...kalau tak, kita
berdua
> > masih hidup lagi sekarang ni....

Why New Changi Hospital (NCH) changed its name
>
> >to Changi General Hospital (CGH)? Because NCH stands for
>
> >"Never Come Home". That's why business was very bad before
>
> >it changed its name.
>
> >
>
> >Now CGH stands for "Can Go Home". So business is picking up.
>
> >
>
> >Business in Singapore General Hospital (SGH) is still going
>
> >strong because SGH stands for "Sure Go Home"!
>
> >
>
> >Now National University Hospital (NUH) is also considering a
>
> >name change. It stands for "No Use Hospital"!
>

>>Do you know the reason why Singapore government restricts the
>>citizens not to chew gum? Here is the story....
>>
>>One day Lee Kwan Yew went to Thailand and had lobster at the dinner
>>with the Thai King. After Lee finished, he asked the King.
>>Lee : Your Highness, what can you do with this lobster skin?
>>King : We cannot do anything with it, we just throw away.
>>Lee : Oh, no. In our country, we send it to the factory and
>>produce some prawn cracker.
>>
>>Then Lee had an orange. After he finished, he asked the King.
>>Lee : What can you do with the orange skin?
>>King : We cannot do anything. We just throw away.
>>Lee : Oh, no. In Singapore, we send it to the factory and produce
>>some orange jam.
>>
>>Then Lee asked for some chewing gum. After he finished, he put on
>>the plate and asked the King.
>>Lee : What can you do with the chewing gum?
>>King : Oh, no. We just throw it away.
>>Lee : In Singapore, we send it to the factory and produce condoms
>>send
>>it to Thailand.
>>
>>Lee said good-bye to the King and the King asked Lee.
>>King : What can you do with the condom when you finish using it?
>>Lee : We cannot do anything. We throw it away.
>>King : In Thailand when we finish using the condom, we send it to
>>the factory to produce chewing gum and send it back to
>>Singapore!!!
>>

Da below conversation really happened on S'pore radio
recently, I think some of ya had heard it on the radio too. If not
read this.....

THIS IS REALLY FUNNY!

Presenter : Good morning. This is Power 98 & do you want to play a game?
Contestant : Yeah, why not.

Presenter : Good. It is a simple game. When I say something you have to give an answer that is opposite to what I have said. For eg. when I say Sharp, you have to answer Blunt. OK?
Contestant : OK.

Presenter : Sun
Contestant : Moon.

Presenter : Black
Contestant : White.

Presenter : Tall
Contestant : Short.

Presenter : Dog
Contestant : Cat.

Presenter : Man
Contestant : Woman

Presenter : Cock
Contestant : CHIBAI !!!

RADIO SILENCE !!!!!!

Presenter : These things sometimes happen and we are on air live. Let's take a commercial break here.

Buahahahhahaahhahahah.....

test test.... cannot upload last time...


Attached thumbnail(s)

See this essay


Attached thumbnail(s)

And this one!!


Attached thumbnail(s)

in english :

====================================================================

once upon a time theres a pig ... This pig has a best fren , hyppo

one day piggie ask hyppo to draw his picture ... and hyppo use all his creativity to draw the potrait

then hyppo show the pic to piggie .... piggie in anger give hyppo a flying kick and say :

"if u draw my picture like pig one more time .... ill kill you !! "

====================================================================

got it ? mind my bad english

aha... okok...

tenkyu

The question is: Why did the chicken cross the road?, every famous and
powerful person has different answers and grounds.


GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road. The chicken is either with
us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

AL GORE
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
crossing the road represents the application of these two different
functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater
services to the American people.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed access to the other side of the road.


MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq's ambassador)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We
don't even have a chicken.


SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it


HELEN CLARK
Unless the chicken had UN approval to cross, this is a blatant breach of
international law.


MARIAN HOBBS
Chickens must get resource consent to cross roads. Officials from the
Ministry for the Environment will investigate the activities of this
chicken.


DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The
chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!


ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.


MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.


JOHN LENNON
Imagine - chickens crossing roads everywhere - in peace.


FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have
to cross before you believe it?

BILL GATES
I have just released e-Chicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -
and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?


BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
Could you define chicken, please?

chicken jokez.. where u ppl got that chickens jokez?

Email le...

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her
arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month
overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a
test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell,
because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs.
Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric
company.

"What are you saying? It's in your files?????"

"Absolutely."

"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight."

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a
bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next
morning.

"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month
overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you
have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? and if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

---------------------------------------

A guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school.
Unfortunately, he still has to share a room with his younger brother
who
is only 9 years old.

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun.
They
have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already
asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the
top
bunk.

As you might expect things start to heat up. The guy remembers
that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to
whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she wants a
new
position.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

She screams.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!



Whoa!!!

PULL IT OUT!!!

PULL IT OUT NOW!!!

I can't get pregnant!

Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey, would you guys stop
making sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over
my face!*!*!*!*!

Subject: who?
>Date: Thu, 20 Feb 2003 18:16:26 -0800 (PST)
>
>George Bush: "Condoleeza! Nice to see you. What's
>happening?"
>Condoleeza Rice: "Sir, I have the report here about
>the new leader of
>China."
>George: "Great. Lay it on me."
>Condoleeza: "'Hu' is the new leader of China."
>George: "That's what I want to know."
>Condoleeza: "That's what I'm telling you."
>George: "That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new
>leader of China?"
>Condoleeza: "Yes."
>George: "I mean the fellow's name."
>Condoleeza: "Hu."
>George: "The guy in China."
>Condoleeza: "Hu."
>George: "The new leader of China."
>Condoleeza: "Hu."
>George: "The Chinaman!"
>Condoleeza: "Hu is leading China."
>George: "Now whaddya' asking me for?"
>Condoleeza: "I'm telling you Hu is leading China."
>George: "Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?"
>Condoleeza: "That's the man's name."
>George: "That's whose name?"
>Condoleeza: "Yes."
>George: "Will you or will you not tell me the name of
>the new leader of
>China?"
>Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
>George: "Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought
>he was in the
>Middle
>East."
>Condoleeza: "That's correct."
>George: "Then who is in China?"
>Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
>George: "Yassir is in China?"
>
>Condoleeza: "No, sir."
>
>George: "Then who is?"
>
>Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
>
>George: "Yassir?"
>
>Condoleeza: "No, sir."
>
>George: "Look, Condoleeza. I need to know the name of
>the new leader of
>China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the
>phone."
>Condoleeza: "Kofi?"
>George: "No, thanks."
>Condoleeza: "You want Kofi?"
>George: "No."
>Condoleeza: "You don't want Kofi."
>George: "No. But now that you mention it, I could use
>a glass of milk.
>And
>then get me the U.N."
>Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
>George: "Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N."
>Condoleeza: "Kofi?"
>George: "Milk! Will you please make the call?"
>Condoleeza: "And call who?"
>George: "Who is the guy at the U.N?"
>Condoleeza: "Hu is the guy in China."
>George: "Will you stay out of China?!"
>Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
>George: "And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me
>the guy at the
>U.N."
>Condoleeza: "Kofi."
>George: "All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get
>on the phone."

ALL MEN HAVE ONE!!!!!!!!!
> > >
> > > I have one
> > > Your husband will have one
> > > Your mother uses your father's one
> > > And your auntie use's your uncle's one
> > > A married lady would acquire one
> > > But a divorced would lose her one
> > > A pope doesn't have one
> > > Madonna doesn't have one
> > > The chinese usually have short ones
> > > While the pakistanese ususally have long ones
> > > After your marriage your husband will give you his one?
> > > Longer or shorter you have to take his one
> > > Do you want one?
> > > How long do u want?
> > > Which one is your preferred one?
> > > Long one or short one?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > (see below for the answer)
> > > What are u thinking of?
> > > Are u sure of your answer?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > It's your SURNAME, what are u thinking of?
> > > You dirty mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> > > hehehehe...........

A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband
> > > is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home
> > > unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom
> > > closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home.
> > > She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that
> > > the little boy is in there already.
> > > The little boy says, "Dark in here."
> > > The man says, "Yes, it is."
> > > Boy - "I have a baseball."
> > > Man - "That's nice."
> > > Boy - "Want to buy it?"
> > > Man - "No, thanks."
> > > Boy - "My dad's outside."
> > > Man - "OK, how much?"
> > > Boy - "$250"
> > >
> > > In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy
> > > and the lover are in the closet together.
> > > Boy - "Dark in here."
> > > Man - "Yes, it is."
> > > Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
> > > The lover, remembering the last time, asks the
> > > boy,"How much?"
> > > Boy - "$750"
> > > Man - "Fine."
> > >
> > > A few days later, the father says to the boy,
> > > "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch. The boy says, "I can't ., I sold my baseball and my glove."
> > > The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
> > > Boy -"$1,000"
> > > The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
> > > They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
> > > The boy says, "Dark in here."
> > > The priest says, "Don't start that shit again".

You are in trouble
An evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself "Oh God, I'm screwed!!!!!."

There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.

As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: "Okay ..... NOW you're screwed."