Subject: who?
>Date: Thu, 20 Feb 2003 18:16:26 -0800 (PST)
>
>George Bush: "Condoleeza! Nice to see you. What's
>happening?"
>Condoleeza Rice: "Sir, I have the report here about
>the new leader of
>China."
>George: "Great. Lay it on me."
>Condoleeza: "'Hu' is the new leader of China."
>George: "That's what I want to know."
>Condoleeza: "That's what I'm telling you."
>George: "That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new
>leader of China?"
>Condoleeza: "Yes."
>George: "I mean the fellow's name."
>Condoleeza: "Hu."
>George: "The guy in China."
>Condoleeza: "Hu."
>George: "The new leader of China."
>Condoleeza: "Hu."
>George: "The Chinaman!"
>Condoleeza: "Hu is leading China."
>George: "Now whaddya' asking me for?"
>Condoleeza: "I'm telling you Hu is leading China."
>George: "Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?"
>Condoleeza: "That's the man's name."
>George: "That's whose name?"
>Condoleeza: "Yes."
>George: "Will you or will you not tell me the name of
>the new leader of
>China?"
>Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
>George: "Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought
>he was in the
>Middle
>East."
>Condoleeza: "That's correct."
>George: "Then who is in China?"
>Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
>George: "Yassir is in China?"
>
>Condoleeza: "No, sir."
>
>George: "Then who is?"
>
>Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
>
>George: "Yassir?"
>
>Condoleeza: "No, sir."
>
>George: "Look, Condoleeza. I need to know the name of
>the new leader of
>China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the
>phone."
>Condoleeza: "Kofi?"
>George: "No, thanks."
>Condoleeza: "You want Kofi?"
>George: "No."
>Condoleeza: "You don't want Kofi."
>George: "No. But now that you mention it, I could use
>a glass of milk.
>And
>then get me the U.N."
>Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
>George: "Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N."
>Condoleeza: "Kofi?"
>George: "Milk! Will you please make the call?"
>Condoleeza: "And call who?"
>George: "Who is the guy at the U.N?"
>Condoleeza: "Hu is the guy in China."
>George: "Will you stay out of China?!"
>Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
>George: "And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me
>the guy at the
>U.N."
>Condoleeza: "Kofi."
>George: "All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get
>on the phone."

You are in trouble
An evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself "Oh God, I'm screwed!!!!!."

There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.

As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: "Okay ..... NOW you're screwed."

Try to catch the rabbit
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Dealing with a lawyer
A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.

Saint Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven." The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter." Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"

Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter,

"Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."

We SHELL not EXXONerate Saddam Hussein for his actions. We will MOBILize to meet this threat to vital interests in the Persian GULF until an AMOCOble solution is reached. Our best strategy is to BPrepared. Failing that, we ARCOming to kick your ass..."

Singlish vs English

Use Singlish. It~{!/~}s so much cheaper.
Why do we insist on using the Queen~{!/~}s English?
Singlish is so much more economical and effective?
Compare and see!


When going shopping...
Brit : I~{!/~}m sorry, Sir, but we don~{!/~}t seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
S~{!/~}porean: No Stock!

When returning a call...
Brit : Hello, this is Mr Bean. Did anyone page me a few moments ago?
S~{!/~}porean: Hello, who page?

When someone is in the way...
Brit : Excuse me, I~{!/~}d like to get by. Would you please make way?
S~{!/~}porean: Lai, siam! Or Siam, hor! Or Skius!

When someone offers to pay...
Brit : Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
S~{!/~}porean: no need lah

When asking for permission...
Brit : Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
S~{!/~}porean: (while pointing at door) Can pass or not?

When asking to be excused...
Brit : If you would excuse me for a moment, I have to go to the gents/ladies. Carry on without me, it would only take a moment.
S~{!/~}porean: Go toilet. Buay tahan ahh.....

When doubting someone...
Brit : I don~{!/~}t recall you giving me the money.
S~{!/~}porean: Got meh?

When disagreeing on a topic of discussion...
Brit : Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you~{!/~}re coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the policy.
S~{!/~}porean: Talk cock lah you!

When asking someone to lower their voice...
Brit : Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I~{!/~}m trying to concentrate over here.
S~{!/~}porean: Eh, Tiam leh!

When asking someone if he/she knows you...
Brit : Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
S~{!/~}porean: See what see?! BUAY SONG AH?!

oh..so long time edi i posted it...yeah...the meaning is according to Klesk
if i didn't misinterpret something....