Thanks for the laughter.

*Go dig out some old jokes....*

Gua tala paham

aha... okok...

tenkyu

The question is: Why did the chicken cross the road?, every famous and
powerful person has different answers and grounds.


GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road. The chicken is either with
us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

AL GORE
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
crossing the road represents the application of these two different
functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater
services to the American people.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed access to the other side of the road.


MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq's ambassador)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We
don't even have a chicken.


SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it


HELEN CLARK
Unless the chicken had UN approval to cross, this is a blatant breach of
international law.


MARIAN HOBBS
Chickens must get resource consent to cross roads. Officials from the
Ministry for the Environment will investigate the activities of this
chicken.


DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The
chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!


ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.


MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.


JOHN LENNON
Imagine - chickens crossing roads everywhere - in peace.


FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have
to cross before you believe it?

BILL GATES
I have just released e-Chicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -
and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?


BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
Could you define chicken, please?

Email le...

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her
arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month
overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a
test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell,
because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs.
Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric
company.

"What are you saying? It's in your files?????"

"Absolutely."

"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight."

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a
bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next
morning.

"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month
overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you
have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? and if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

---------------------------------------

A guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school.
Unfortunately, he still has to share a room with his younger brother
who
is only 9 years old.

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun.
They
have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already
asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the
top
bunk.

As you might expect things start to heat up. The guy remembers
that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to
whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she wants a
new
position.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

She screams.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!



Whoa!!!

PULL IT OUT!!!

PULL IT OUT NOW!!!

I can't get pregnant!

Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey, would you guys stop
making sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over
my face!*!*!*!*!

> My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
> > Henny Youngman
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney
> > Dangerfield
> > --------------------------------------------------------
> > A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Milton Berle
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
> > George Burns
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the
> > carburetor". I asked her,"Where's the car?"She replied, "In the lake."
> > Henny Youngman
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
> > Phyllis Diller
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
> > Henny Youngman
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool
>when
>I
> > married you."
> > The husband replied,"Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
> > him
>keep
> > her.
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months, I don't like to interrupt
> > her.
> > --------------------------------------------------------
> > My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two
> > girlfriends.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it
>since
> > the thief was spending much less than his wife did.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
> > You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has,
> > You wish you had ordered that.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
> > married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I' m still paying."
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't
>know
> > his wife until he marries her?
> > Dad: That happens in every country, son.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was
> > until
>I
> > got married; then it was too late.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
> > The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same
> > :"You
>can
> > have mine."
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."
> > "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. "A
> > billionaire." she replied.
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get
> > to prove it.
> > --------------------------------------------------------
> > A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said,"Dad! I've
> > found a woman just like mother" His father replied,"So what do you
> > want? sympathy?"
> > --------------------------------------------------------
> > Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second
> > marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
> > word
>you
> > say, talk in your sleep.
> > ------------------------------------------------------------
> > I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
> > --------------------------------------------------------
> > It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only
> > seems longer.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful
>house,
> > a big car, the love of a beautiful woman - and then, BAM!, it was all
>gone!"
> > "What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..."
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > Just think, if it weren' t for marriage, men would go through life
>thinking
> > they had no faults at all.
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both
> > husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of
> > course, no one pays the least bit of attention.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
> > A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he
> > wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man
> > thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, give me million dollars and beat
> > me till I'm half dead."
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.They've
> > experienced pain and bought jewellery.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > How do most men define marriage?
> > An expensive way to get your laundry done free.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
> > it once.
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your
>parachute
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
> > Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
> >