When you have an
'I Hate My Job day'

[Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days]
Try this out:
Stop at your pharmacy and go to the
Thermometer section and purchase
A rectal thermometer made by

Johnson & Johnson.

Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your
Doors, draw the curtains and
Disconnect the phone so
You will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable
Clothing and sit in your favorite
Chair. Open the package and
Remove the thermometer.

Now, carefully place it on a table
Or a surface so that it will not
Become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature from
The box and read it carefully.

You will notice that in small
Print there is this statement:

"Every Rectal Thermometer
Made by Johnson & Johnson
Is personally tested And then sanitized."

Now, close your eyes and repeat
Out loud five times,' I am so glad
I do not work in the thermometer
Quality control department at
Johnson & Johnson.'

HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER,

THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE
WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A
PAIN IN THE BUTT THAN YOURS!


If you haven't got a smile on your face
And laughter in your heart...

Maybe you should go and work
For Johnson and Johnson!

Enjoy life now - It has an expiration date!

---

Added on March 7, 2012, 11:05 pmRearrange the letters below to spell out


an important part of the human body;
which is even more useful when erect.

P N E S I >
























































The Two People who wrote SPINE

became doctors...........

The Rest are all my friends.........

---

Added on March 9, 2012, 10:23 pmWhy Sharks Circle You Before Attacking

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a ship that had sunk.
"Follow me son", the father shark said to his son, and they swam to the survivors.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them? Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"


No need to thank me, try to learn something new every day.

---

Added on March 10, 2012, 9:58 amYou know you're going to forward this to someone...


"Morning Sex"
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T'-shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
If morning sex takes a long time, the eggs will be over boiled. lol.

---

Added on March 11, 2012, 1:42 pmSubject: Legal but not Logical JUST A LAWYER'S JOKE.


Legal but not Logical?
A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"

Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"

Student: "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A".

Professor: "Hmmmm, alright. So what's the question?"

Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? "

The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can't get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to
answer: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? "

To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students
immediately raise their hands.
"All right" says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer

"It's quite easy, sir" says the student "You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal, nor logical."

---

Added on April 3, 2012, 2:43 pmDID YOU KNOW........ WHY ???


Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if
their entry is restricted!

Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy....

New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same
position with different women.

Why is $ex like shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today...
tomorrow you'll have to do it again...

Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed
to death.

Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.

Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME!

Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and
shapeless later

Advantages of having an affair with a married women.
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell.
They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!

A wise man told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise. Why?

Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!.

---

Added on April 9, 2012, 10:44 amUS Navy At Its Best!!

The following is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation in October 1995, between a US Navy ship and The British authorities, near the coast off England . The transcript was released by the MoD on 10/10/95.

British: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid collision.

US Navy: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid collision.

British: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision.

US Navy: This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

British: Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.

US Navy: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln. The second largest ship in the United States ' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north. That's 15 degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

British: Sorry we cannot divert. We are a lighthouse.




Tiger Woods And Stevie Wonder

Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar...
Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?"
Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now."
Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?"
Stevie says, "Yes, I've been playing for years."

Tiger says, "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"
Stevie Wonder replies, "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

But, "How do you putt" asks Tiger.
"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball toward his voice."

Tiger asks, "What's your handicap?"
Stevie says, "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer."

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."
Stevie replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"

Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK, I'm game for that.. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?"

Stevie Wonder says, "Pick a night."





God Is A Genius!

While creating wives, God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world.

And then He made the earth round.

---

Added on April 9, 2012, 10:53 amFor old farts like you....



Probably a matter of time now .....

The older I get, the better I was.

Several days ago as I left the club, I desperately gave myself a
personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my car keys.

They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the club revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically,
I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times for
leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the
best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be
stolen. As I burst through the doors of the club, I came to a
terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was
empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed
that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered.
I always call her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in
the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped,
but then I heard her voice. "Idiot", she barked, "I dropped you
off!"



Yep, it's getting like that. The golden years...

---

Added on April 14, 2012, 2:13 pmThe Italian Bookkeeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido,
has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00

His bookkeeper is deaf.
That was the reason he got the job in the first place.

It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10million,
he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, " Ask him where the money is..! "

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido , " Where's the money..? "

Guido signs back, " I don't know what you are talking about. "

The lawyer tells the Godfather, " He says he doesn't know what you are talking about. "

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says,
" Ask him again or I'll kill him..! "

The lawyer signs to Guido, " He'll kill you if you don't tell him. "

Guido trembles and signs back, " OK.! You win..!
The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.

The Godfather asks the lawyer, " What did he say..? "

The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger. "



Don't you just love lawyers..?

---

Added on April 16, 2012, 8:51 pmAn attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, ..... but all men...are men!

---

Added on April 16, 2012, 8:51 pm[h=3]Angering The Irish...[/h]
Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care.

"The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!"

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right, he's unshakable!"

The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch."

So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!"

"Yeah, that's what your friends were trying to tell me."

---

Added on April 19, 2012, 11:15 amRecently in Singapore there were some high profile under age girl prostitute case going on with the prominent figures in the society. Below is a good joke... lol

guy: $5 ?
lady: I am not that sort of person.

guy: $50
lady: You think I am what sort of person ?

guy: $500
lady: Tonight I am your woman.

guy: $5000
lady: Tonight you can don't even treat me like a woman.

guy: $50K
lady: I don't care you bring how many people.

guy: $500K
lady: I don't even care is it human.

(quoted hardwarezone)
A day after their clients were charged, several of the lawyers representing them on Tuesday said they are planning to band together to approach the Attorney-General's Chambers to have the prostitute's details in court papers.

The girl's name has so far been left out of charge sheets, with only the alleged pimp Tang Boon Thiew cited.

Mr Subhas Anandan, who is representing 10 of the 44 men, said the plea will be for a gag order to be imposed, so that the girl will still be protected and not have her identity publicised.

Otherwise, he argued on Monday, the charges were 'flawed'.

Lawyer Amolat Singh said: 'The charge sheets should set out her date of birth so we know she was below 18 at the time of the offence.'



NEXT STORY: Teenager's trysts with 44 alleged clients revealed


6 - 0

---

Added on May 5, 2012, 11:15 amAn inspirational speaker said:
"The Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife."
Audience were in shock and silence. He added: "She was my mother" A big round of applause & laughter followed!

A very daring husband tried to crack this at home. After a dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen" The Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife" Standing for a moment, he tried to recall the second line of that speaker. By the time he gained his senses, he was on a hospital bed, recovering from burns of boiling water! Moral: Don't Copy, if u can't Paste.

This post has been edited by extremepower: May 5 2012, 11:15 AM

The Blonde Pilot..





This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day.

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead.
And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and
get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem.
'Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"O.K." says the voice on the radio....

"Repeat after me: Our Father. . Who art in Heaven. . . ..."

For the divers:-
An American asks the Irishman: 'Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?' To which the Irishman replies: 'If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the bloody boat!'
Makes sense, no?

---

Added on June 5, 2012, 11:44 pm A Beautiful Story

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind."

"Thank you for taking all of us with you.

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.
You'll really love my place.
The grass is almost a foot high."


Come on now...you really didn't think there was such a thing as a
heart-warming lawyer story...did you????

---

Added on July 7, 2012, 10:10 pmThe Pilot And The Priest

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ?'

The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.'

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the
pilot, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms
out, 'I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.'

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.

'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he gets
a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood.
How can this be?

'Up here - we go by results,' says Saint Peter. 'When you preached - people slept. When he flew, people prayed.'


I knew you'd like it!

---

Added on July 7, 2012, 10:47 pmWORK VIRUS WARNING! – This is very serious…..

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand.

This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.

This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK, take two good friends to the nearest pub or bottle shop.

*** Purchase the antidote known as:

*** Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or

Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter – (BEER).

Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected
and WORK is controlling your life.

---

Added on July 7, 2012, 10:49 pmFemale version:

First Woman: Oh, you got a haircut! That's so cute!

Second Woman: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy-looking?

First Woman: Oh God, no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with it how it is, I think.

Second Woman: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts-that would really suit you. I was going to do that except that I was afraid it would accentuate my long neck.

First Woman: What's wrong with your neck? I would love to have a neck like yours: anything to take attention away from my awful shoulder line.

Second Woman: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything hangs so well on you. "You're like a walking fashion
catalogue.But look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders, I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

Male version:

First Man: Haircut?

Second Man: Yeah.

---

Added on July 7, 2012, 10:51 pmAfter a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry.

'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.
'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.
'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear. 'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.
'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.
She whispers in his ear

'That's me before the surgery.'

This post has been edited by extremepower: Jul 7 2012, 10:51 PM

Hi have a nice day, smile a lot.

Husband texts to wife on cell..
"Hi, what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!
Angry wife to her husband
An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where d Hell Are You ...?"
Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewelery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace n Totally Fell In Love With It n I Didn't Have Money That Time n I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... "O:)
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That My Love!
Husband: I ‘m in the Pub Just Next To That Shop

A Special Package for Business Men.
An Airline Introduced A Special Package For Business Men. Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free. After Great Success, The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply..."Which Trip?"

Husband was seriously ill
Husband was seriously ill. Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood, don’t discuss ur problems, no tv serial, don’t demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home.. Husband: what did the doc say ?
Wife:- .No chance for u to survive

An intelligent wife
''An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much
That Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women"

New SIM to surprise her husband
Woman Buys A New Sim Card Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room. She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..

Cool message by a wife
Cool Msg by a woman: Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"


Habbit of talking in sleep
A Lady to Doctor:
My husband has habit of talking in sleep! what shud i give him to cure?
Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak wen hez awake


Head & Neck of the family
It is said that Husband is the head of the family, but remember that wife is the Neck of the family & the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants.

Wife: Do you want dinner?
Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.
Too late for garbage
Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.


Who is guilty (Husband / Wife)?
Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!" Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"


Difference between Friend & Wife
Difference between Friend & Wife
U can Tell ur Friend "U r my Best Friend"
But Do u have courage to tell to ur Wife "U r my Best Wife?"

Your husband needs rest
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.!!

---

Added on July 10, 2012, 10:03 amThe Economy of Fun
1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing,. Its called the stock market - Jay Leno

2. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker . The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW

3. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.

4. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any e mails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it - Jay Leno

5. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar - Jay Leno

6. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.


NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use

---

Added on July 10, 2012, 10:05 amHave fun with these...

The 5 Riddles....

THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST FIVE RIDDLES I HAVE SEEN....THE ANSWERS ARE AT
THE BOTTOM. RIDDLE 5 IS AMAZING. IT SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN YOUR
BRAIN AND STALLS ALZHEIMER'S FOR YEARS ….

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three
rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of
assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't
eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?
- / -

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over
5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out
together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

- / -

3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you
throw it away ?

- / -

4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words
Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?

- / -

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you
can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and
plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing
is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about
it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!


THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE THE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:










Answers:



1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.
That one was easy, right?



2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband,
developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).


3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.



4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and
tomorrow!



5. The letter "e" which is the most common letter used in the English
language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.



How did you do?


This post has been edited by extremepower: Jul 10 2012, 10:05 AM

A Nigerian man called his mom: "Mom, I have AIDS".

Mother:" Don't come back home, my son, don't come back home. God forbid!"

Man: Why mom, why now,what I do now?

Mother : “....you foolish boy! You see my son, if you come back home, then your wife will be infected.
From your wife to your broda, from your broda to our maid, from our maid to your daddy, from your daddy to my sistor, from my sistor to her hosband, from him to me, from me to the gardener, from the gardener to yo udder sistor.
And if yo udder sistor got it , yoyo, then the whole village is in trouble… !
So please please please ...PLEASE SAVE OUR VILLAGE !

---

Added on July 26, 2012, 8:36 pmA Nigerian man called his mom: "Mom, I have AIDS".

Mother:" Don't come back home, my son, don't come back home. God forbid!"

Man: Why mom, why now,what I do now?

Mother : “....you foolish boy! You see my son, if you come back home, then your wife will be infected.
From your wife to your broda, from your broda to our maid, from our maid to your daddy, from your daddy to my sistor, from my sistor to her hosband, from him to me, from me to the gardener, from the gardener to yo udder sistor.
And if yo udder sistor got it , yoyo, then the whole village is in trouble… !
So please please please ...PLEASE SAVE OUR VILLAGE !

---

Added on August 4, 2012, 9:45 am
A policeman pulled a blonde over after she had been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

He asked her, "Do you know where you were going?"

She replied, "No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the people are leaving."

_________________________________________________________________________________

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.

Finally the pro asks her what she wants. “I can’t find any green golf balls,” the blonde golfer complains.

The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.

As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, “Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?”

“Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps

___________________________________________________________________________________

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

---

Added on August 21, 2012, 9:20 pmBRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old, Hateful little *******. Bites!
___________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
________________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
_______________________________________________________

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
________________________________________________________

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
_____________________________________________________________

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
___________________________________________________________
And the WINNER is...

FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

(Statement of the Century)
___________________________________________________________

Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
____________________________________________________________


Children Are Quick
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH

This post has been edited by extremepower: Aug 21 2012, 09:20 PM

DON'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY

Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone.
A part of me is getting hard already!

RESEARCH FINDING

Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!

ARAB MAN

An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls'?
"Abdul Aziz "
"Sex? "
"Six times a week!! "
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !"

SERVICE

Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service"
HAPPY MAN

What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy and...
Wife on the cover of "missing persons"

SWIMSUIT

Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.
GOOD AMBITION

Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.

DENTIST

Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly. "

VIRGIN

Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read :
BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED "

OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL

75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - why???
Coz she didn't know anything and he had forgotten everything.

---

Added on September 3, 2012, 9:25 pmGOOD WIVES.......................

...... the wife is eight months into her pregnancy, the husband has to sleep on the floor to avoid any regrettable mistake, which might happen pretty easily, for he has been desperate for quite a while.

Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him and sees the poor guy curls up on the floor; eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled with hopeless desire...

Feeling sorry for her husband, she opens the drawer, takes out 500 bucks and gives it to him.

"Here, take this and go to the woman next door, she will let you sleep with her tonight.... and remember that this happens only once... ok?
Don’t think about it again," she said.

The husband rolls his eyes in disbelief, but afraid that she may change her mind, grabs the money and leaves quickly..
A few minutes later, he returned and handed the money back to his wife and spoke with much disappointment:
"She said this is not enough. She wants one thousand....."

His wife's face slowly turns red with anger.
"Damn that b****... when she was pregnant and her husband came over here... I charged him only five hundreds ..."

The guy collapsed !!!

NB: Think THRICE when your wife is over Generous

---

Added on September 19, 2012, 10:48 pm
Jokes of Wife....



Husband texts to wife on cell..
"Hi, what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!



Angry wife to her husband

An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where d Hell Are You ...?"
Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace n Totally Fell In Love With It n I Didn't Have Money That Time n I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... "O:)
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That My Love!
Husband: I ‘m in the Pub Just Next To That Shop

A Special Package for Business Men.

An Airline Introduced A Special Package For Business Men. Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free. After Great Success, The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply..."Which Trip?"

Husband was seriously ill

Husband was seriously ill. Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood, don’t discuss ur problems, no tv serial, don’t demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home.. Husband: what did the doc say ?
Wife:- .No chance for u to survive

An intelligent wife

''An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much
That Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women"

New SIM to surprise her husband

Woman Buys A New Sim Card Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room. She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..

Wife treats husband

A Wife Treats Hubby By Taking Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday ..
At The Club: Doorman Says: Hi Jim How R You?
Wife Asks: How Does He Know You?
Jim Says: Oh Dear, I Play Football with Him
Inside Barman Says: The Usual Jim ?
Jim Says To Wife: Before You Say Anything, He's On the Darts Team in My Local
Next A Lap Dancer Says: Hi Jim
Do You Crave Special Again?
The Wife Storms Out Dragging Jim With Her & Jumps Into A Taxi..
Driver Says "Hey Jimmy Boy, You Picked Up An Ugly One This Time.."
Jim's Funeral Is On Sunday


Cool message by a wife

Cool Msg by a woman: Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"

Sweet demand by kid

A Sweet demand by a kid.
A kid was beaten by his mom. Dad came n asked - what happen son?
Kid said-I can’t adjust with your wife anymore, I want my own.

Lion bounced on wife

In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!
SANTA: Yes, Yes. I'm changing d battery of my camera..

Throwing knives on wife's picture

Husband was throwing knives on wife’s picture. All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her "Hi, what r u doing?"
His honest reply, "MISSING U"


I will think about it

When a married man says "I'll think about it",
What he really means that, He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet..

Habbit of talking in sleep

A Lady to Doctor:
My husband has d habit of talking in sleep! what shud i give him to cure?
Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak wen hez awake

Itni khushi bardasht nahin ker sakta

Wife: I will die.
Husband: I will also die.
Wife: Why will you die?
Husband: Because main itni khushi bardasht nahin ker sakta.

Part & Art of living

Having "WIFE" Is A Part Of Living...
But Having "GIRLFRIEND" Along With The "WIFE" Is Art Of Living.
Head & Neck of the family

It is said that Husband is the head of the family, but remember that wife is the Neck of the family & the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants.

Wife: Do you want dinner?

Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.

What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?

What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.

To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

I look at your picture and the problem disappears

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

Wife: honey what r u looking 4?

Wife: honey, what r u looking 4?
Husband: nothing
Wife: why have u been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour?
Husband: i was just looking 4 the expiry date

Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means...
Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
WIFE says: No darling, it means:
With Idiot For Ever

Wife wish 2 be a newspaper

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper so I would be in ur hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that u were a newspaper so I could have a new one every day.

Can I make a call to my wife?

A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil: Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

Husband, wife & spare tyre

HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle. If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further
Moral: Always Keep a SPARE TYRE....

Similarity between chewing gum & begum

What's the similarity between chewing gum & begum (wife) ??
Both are sweet at the beginning and become tasteless, shapeless and chipku in the eNd...

WIFE IS DANGEROUS

LOVE IS LIFE
LIFE IS WIFE
WIFE IS KNIFE and
KNIFE IS DANGEROUS

Too late for garbage

Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.

What if you don't see me for 2 days?

A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled:
"how would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldn’t believe his luck: 'that would be great'!
Monday passed and he didn’t see her......
Tuesday and Wednesday passed too.....
On Thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.

Who is guilty (Husband / Wife)?

Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!" Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"

Why women starts with W

You know why women starts with 'W'...
because all questions start with "W".. !
Who ?
Why ?
What ?
When ?
Which ?
Whom ?
Where ?
&
Finally Wife..!!!

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN

Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt, Tsunamis to devastate, Hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches How to choose a Wife, NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.

Difference between Friend & Wife

Difference between Friend & Wife
U can Tell ur Friend "U r my Best Friend"
But Do u have courage tell to ur Wife "U r my Best Wife?"

Dream of receiving jewellery & cloths

Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream that u were sending me jewellery and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill!!!


Recently fired stock trader

A recently fired stock trader said ...
"This is worse than divorce... I have lost everything and I still have my wife..."


Message of the year

Message of the year:-
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!
Why? Very simple...
A woman does not have a wife..!!!


Husband to a newly wed wife

Husband to a newly wed wife: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Wife: Thanks, but promise me you will stay there for the rest of your life.

Why did u shoot ur wife?

Judge: why did u shoot ur wife instead of shooting her lover?
Sardar: Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.

Your husband needs rest

Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.!!




This post has been edited by extremepower: Sep 19 2012, 10:48 PM

lol

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams...I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,







What's for dinner, Zorro?"

---

Added on October 3, 2012, 7:39 pmYou got kawan in SG? Recommend them to me for badminton coach la... boleh?
Let's Have Some Marriage Laughter..


For Sale :
Wedding Dress, Size 8.
Worn Once By Mistake.

Every Wife Is A 'Mistress" For Her Husband.
"Miss" For One Hour & "Stress" For the Rest 23 Hours..!.

There Are Two Times When A Man Doesn't Understand A Woman
Before Marriage And After Marriage.

Wife : I Will Die.
Husband : I Will Also Die.
Wife : Why Will You Die ?
Husband : Because I Can't Bear That Much Happiness..!.

My Husband And I Divorced Over Religious Differences.
He Thought He Was God, And I Didn't.

Marriage Is Like A Public Toilet
Those Waiting Outside Are Desperate To Get In
& Those Inside Are Desperate To Come Out.

Why Were Hurricanes Usually Named After Women?
Because When They Arrive, They're Wet And Wild, But
When They Go, They Take Your House And Car..

Text Messaging
Husband Sends The Following Message To His Wife
My Love,
If You're Sleeping, Send Me Your Dreams.
If You're Smiling, Send Me Your Smile.
If You're Crying, Send Me Your Tears.
I Love You.
Wife Texted Back :
I'm In The Toilet,
What Should I Send You?

The Woman Applying For A Job In A Florida Lemon Grove
Seemed Way Too Qualified For The Job.
"Look Miss," Said The Foreman, "Have You Any Actual
Experience In Picking Lemons?"
"Well, As A Matter Of Fact, Yes!" She Replied.
"I've Been Divorced Three Times."

Whisky Is A Brilliant Invention.
One Double And You Start Feeling Single Again.

A Man Goes To The Wizard To Ask If He Can
Remove A Curse He Has Been Living With For The Last 40 Years.
The Wizard Says, "Maybe, But You Will Have To Tell Me
The Exact Words That Were Used To Put The Curse On You."
The Man Says Without Hesitation,
"I Now Pronounce You Man And Wife."

Husband Searching Keywords On Google `How To Tackle Wife?`
Google Search Result, `still Searching`.

A Man Goes To A Shrink And Says, "Doctor, My Wife Is Unfaithful To Me.
Every Evening, She Goes To Larry's Bar And Picks Up Men.
In Fact, She Sleeps With Anybody Who Asks Her!
I'm Going Crazy.
What Do You Think I Should Do?"
"Relax," Says The Doctor,
"Take A Deep Breath And Calm Down.
Now, Tell Me, Exactly Where Is Larry's Bar?"

Husband Throwing Darts At His Wife’s Photo And Not Even A Single One Hitting The Target..
From Another Room Wife Called The Husband : “Honey What Are You Doing..
Husband: “MISSING YOU”..

A Man Goes To See The Rabbi.
"Rabbi, Something Terrible Is Happening And I Have To Talk To You About It."
The Rabbi Asked, "What's Wrong?"
The Man Replied, "My Wife Is Poisoning Me."
The Rabbi, Very Surprised By This, Asks, "How Can That Be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"
The Rabbi Then Offers,
"Tell You What, Let Me Talk To Her.
I'll See What I Can Find Out And I'll Let You Know."
The Rabbi Calls after a while And Says,
"Well I Spoke To Her For Three Hours.
You Want My Advice?"
The Man Said Yes
The Rabbi Replied, "Take The poison"

---

Added on October 14, 2012, 10:29 pmlol
Impossibilities.



IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD :
1. YOU can't count your hair
2. YOU can't wash your eyes with soap
3. YOU can't breathe when your tongue is out
/
/
/
/
/
/
/
Put your tongue back in, my friend !!.


10 Things I know about you...

1) YOU are reading this
2) YOU are human.
3) YOU can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips
4) YOU just attempted to do it
6) YOU are laughing inwardly at yourself
7) YOU have a smile on your face and you skipped No.5
8) YOU just checked to see if there is a No.5
9) YOU laugh at this because you are silly, & everyone does it too.
10) YOU are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it
Sorry but it's just all in fun... no offense intended

You have received this mail because I didn’t want to be alone in the “Idiot” category.

A guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?”The girl replied with a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”The guy then responded with a loud voice: “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH!”All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.The guy whispered in her ears: "I study law, and I know how to make someone feel guilty.”

This post has been edited by extremepower: Oct 14 2012, 10:29 PM

An absolutely Brilliant Joke, ENJOY!!!
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!" The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most
beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this
wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis
whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will
be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-
she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she
wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make
your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than
you. "
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's
his is mine."
So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like to have a
mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention
female readers:
This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue
feeling good!

Male
readers: Please scroll down.

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
The man had a heart attack ten times
"milder" than his wife!!!

Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart .

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

You can forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humor :-)

---

Added on October 26, 2012, 8:56 am
Yes, make up your mind for goodness sake!!!


A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started
to breastfeed her baby.

The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come on,
eat it all up or ... I'll have
to give it to this nice man here."

Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding,
so she said,
"Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice
man here."

A few minutes later, the anxious man
blurted out, "Come on, kid. Make up your mind!
I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"

---

Added on October 26, 2012, 8:59 amThe ***** The b**** (Humor)

Little Johnny asked his mother, what the 2 words mean, that kids at school were using ..... ***** and b****.

His mother inhaled sharply, but then said, " Oh, that's easy. A ***** is a cat, like our little Chico. A b**** is a female dog, like our Sandy "

He then found his Dad out in the garage. " Dad, the guys at school are using words, I don't understand "

" What words, son ? "



" ***** and b****. I asked Mom, but I don't think she told me the right meanings "

Dad said, " Son, never ask your mother about these things, ask me instead. Let me explain it like this "

He pulled a Playboy from his workbench, turned to the centerfold, drew a circle around the pubic area and said,

" Son, everything inside the circle is ***** "

" Okay, Dad. Then what's a b**** ? "

Dad replied: " Everything outside the circle !!! "






This post has been edited by extremepower: Oct 26 2012, 08:59 AM