Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A fisherman ran up. The man screamed, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim, please, save her! I'll give you a hundred quid!"

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Dumping her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "There you go, where's my hundred pounds?"

The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down under I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law." The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "How much do I owe you?"

huh?

[quote=aLittleMisfit,Jan 7 2014, 08:51 PM]
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A fisherman ran up. The man screamed, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim, please, save her! I'll give you a hundred quid!"

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Dumping her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "There you go, where's my hundred pounds?"

The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down under I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law." The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "How much do I owe you?"

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT'S A GOOD ONE!

If you want to get a man's attention, talk about tits.

If you want to get a woman's attention, talk about another woman's tits.

Sometimes I wonder how vegans can survive off what little they can eat,

then I remember they just feed off attention.

The victim thought it was his wife but it came out it was his mother-in-law so the fisherman felt so bad and decided to pay the victim instead.

Yup. Got it. I thought hes buying the MIL. Should've got it for free

you don't even have to talk about it, just look at it

no, you still don't get it. MIL shouldn't be saved at all. her being saved is turning this guy into hell, and the fisherman felt he had caused him damage

thats exactly what i thought.....lolz

Men are like dogs, we are fun to be with and have no idea what you are mad about

Speeding along the mainroad, there was a buzz from my mobile on the dashboard.

"Your phone just went," said my wife.

"It's only a text," I replied. "I'll check it when we get there."

She picked up the phone, and looked at it suspiciously. Then she tapped the screen, scrolled down and started reading. "I thought so," she sneered. "It's yet another crap joke from Dave about women being bad drivers."

"Watch the road!!" I snapped. "You just ran a red light."

Dad: Honey, why are there broken condoms on the couch?


Wife: Damm*t, Dave! Would you please call our children by their names!

This post has been edited by amri94: Jan 12 2014, 02:33 AM

After knocking down a kid with my car, my wife told me to turn myself into the police.

So I bought a uniform and started arresting opposition politicians.

Guy:Honey! I saw u on tv.

Girl: Really? Where? what was i wearing? What did i do?



Guy:On animal planet ... daily life of a cow

My girlfriend left me and stormed out of the house, im surprised she could fit through the door

My step daughter returned home from school whilst the wife was out shopping, "how was your day"? I said.

"We had Sex Ed today but it was a waste of time, Mummy has taught me all I need to know".

I said "What did mummy taught you?"

She replied "Can we do this later I've got a Headache"

If you're flying on an aircraft and your hear the infamous announcement "Does anyone know how to fly a plane?",
your answer should always be "Yes".

Well, if you're going to die, you may as well die flying a jumbo jet.

You know what would be funnier?

A video recording of what happens after that

I think I need to cut down on my masturbation.


Just found out my washing machine's pregnant.