"So how did the interview go?" my wife asked me.

"I'm not too sure to be honest, I said all the usual stuff like, I'm a hard working person, I get on well with others, I won't let anyone down, blah blah blah, but then he sort of looked at me funny."

"How come?" she replied.

"Because I said blah blah blah."

My gay son was diagnosed with cancer, the doctor said that unfortunately they are unlikely to ever find a cure.

But on a positive note, his cancer was cured.

HAHAHAHAHA LMAO! Shieettt..

omg, that's.... gold.

mohon nak jadikan sig.

This post has been edited by happy_berry: Apr 21 2013, 12:23 PM

If u know wat I mean

This post has been edited by ErgoProxi: Apr 22 2013, 10:06 AM

So you're a dirty old man?

epic!!!

epic!!!

"I don't know why you bought that laptop. You never use it," said my wife.

She only says that because she checks my browsing history every day.

doesnt work wei.

says "We could not calculate directions between Taiwan and China."

My good friends's wife rang me today asking if I'd seen him.

"Not since yesterday." I answered.

"I knew he was lying!" she screamed, "He told me that he was at your house all night."

"Erm... he... has," I replied.

"Don't stick up for him! You just said that you hadn't seen him since yesterday."

"Yes, well..." I paused, "...We've been playing hide and seek."

I phoned my boss and told him I was sick.

"I'll see you here at 9", he said and hung up.

I f*cking hate working for a doctor.

I saw a sign today while driving along, which said 'No u-turn'.

So I did an n-turn instead, which actually worked out better for me.

I never drive around with my payslip in my car.

Should I die in an accident, I don't want people to assume it was suicide.

haha. good one. especially since tomoro is labors day... owaiiii

I just explained Google images to my mum.

'Pick anything to search for', I said. She replied 'What about a nice cream pie?'.

'Except that.' I said.

My wife was completely flattered when she was asked to be one of the girls on the Toyota stand at a forklift truck exhibition.

Turns out they were using her to demonstrate the lifting capacity of the truck.

oh man this works for my industry.... hahahahaha

we dare u do it to wife

No divorce is ever really just one person's fault. Usually the blame is a straight 50:50

between the ex-wife and the ex-mother-in-law.

I went out with some colleagues last night and got very drunk.

My boss woke me up this morning and said, "Dave, why the f*** are you not at work?"


I said, "Pete, why the f*** are you in my bed?"