not so understand this. mind explain?

Bill Gates has offered $100,000 to anyone who invents a more attractive condom.

Who is going to buy a condom from a company called Microsoft?

the wife was always at home on the evening, which Bob wasn't for a long while during evenings.

I phoned my wife today and said, "Pack a bag dear, I've booked us into a hotel for a few nights."

"Ooh, why's that?" she asked.

I said, "Well I've been playing poker all day, haven't I!"

"Really?" she asked again in excitement, "How much have you won?"

"Nothing," I replied. "I've lost the house."

My wife hates it when I say, "You're just like your mother!"

Actually, she hates it when I say anything during sex.

LOL !! good one

My wife came back from the hospital today and told me she was pregnant.

I said, ''April Fool!"

''Don't be silly, Dave,'' she replied.

''I'm not,'' I laughed, '' I replaced your urine sample with my girlfriend's.''

My wife went to Spain for two weeks for a company training session. I drove her to the airport, we hugged and she said, "Honey, is there anything you'd like me to bring back for you?"

I replied, "Yes, a Spanish girl!"

My wife didn't reply and headed off to catch her plane. Two weeks later we met back at the airport.

"How was the trip?" I asked.

She said, "Splendid thank you."

I said, "Where is my present?"

"What present?" she hesitated.

"The Spanish girl." I chuckled.

"Oh," she laughed, "I did what I could, now we have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl."

When I was young I really liked science fiction and always wanted one of those devices that slowed time.

Now that I'm grown up, I realize that such things don't exist, but it is possible to achieve the same effect by inviting the in-laws round for dinner.

HAHAHAHHA great comeback by the wife!!

My lesbian neighbor and her girlfriend had a blazing argument in her bedroom last night then there was just uncomfortable silence

It was so quiet you could almost hear a hidden camera focusing

Sex with my girlfriend always leave me out of breath.

She takes some blowing up

A police officer pulled over a beaten up old white van at the side of the road. The Clown driver jumps out to go and speak to the officer.

"You do know the limit is 30 sir?" Says the officer.

At which point the clown wanders back to his van opens the side door and shouts in; "8 of you are going to have to get out!"

Nice thread.

Let me contribute (hope it's not being mentioned before):

A man was trialed at court for the charge of necrophiliac.

Judge: How could anyone do such disgusting thing? You are a disgrace to the society, nay, to civilization and utter violation to humanity.

Man:

So North Korea have declared that they plan on invading Japan.

I personally wish them the best of luck with storming Takeshi's Castle.

I miss that castle.

holy shit i miss tht castle too

I saw my accountant at a strip club last night and it was really awkward.

He pretended not to see me, but everyone else in his group slipped a few notes into my thong.

When a girl says she has experimented with girls, that does not necessarily mean she's bi.

She may just be an evil scientist.

I just told my mate that my wife gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl, and that my wife allowed me to name both of them.

"Congratulations mate," He said, "What name have you given to your boy?"

"Mason." I said

"That's a smart name mate, what about your little girl?" He asked

"Madaughter." I replied.