jolie just had a double mastectomy...

http://news.sky.com/story/1090592/angelina...uble-mastectomy
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-22520720

yeah i heard about the news, but i just googled mastectomy

ok

even tho i couldn't relate how the blame was on the genie

meaning the genie reduced jolies boobs instead to make it equal

hah! ok hahahaha
damn how come i didn't get that
awesome

I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.

It reminds me of why there is no f***ing money in there.

sorry i cannot get it.

Cure for his sexuality not found but cancer found

there is no cure for gay

The other day, I was having a shit in the woods when, to my horror, some passers-by saw me.

Thankfully, I was wearing my bear costume

I visited my wife at the hospital.

"My God, you look terrible," I said.

"f*** off, " she replied, "And I've told you before not to bother me while I'm at work."

A baby's laughter is the greatest sound in the world.

Unless it's 3 am and you're home alone


...and you don't have a baby.

So David Beckham's career is over

but,

on the bright side, at least now he has something in common with the wife.

Maybe a repost. Sorry if it is:

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.'

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn.She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks' she said. 'I had to finish the job with the chair.'

fuh!

Australians don't have sex.

Australians mate

My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..

"I know" was probably not the right answer.

I used to be poor...


Then I bought a Thesaurus, and now I'm impecunious.

oooooo!!