Money aside, how much care the person gives?

I didn't have valentine's celebration or gift. He wished me only after I wished him.

Other days he does not ask about me or talk to me during the day. Most of the time I am alone. He forgets about the things I've said and he does not remember most of the things he said he will do.

No you are not stupid. You are like me. We love the person whole-heartedly and choose to support him.
But not everybody is appreciative and it hurts.

This post has been edited by barista: Feb 19 2010, 05:44 PM

sorry, not going to give a very good advice. If I am in your situation, I will just get married and ignore my/ his parents request.....

who is getting married here? you or the parents? Why does parents have to pay for the stuffs? Don't have enough money then go for travel marriage.

Don't ask parents to pay for this and that. Save up your own money.

You are grown up to get married now. Make up your own decisions.

6k . well your lucky. my mum wants 50k(no joke). my family is'nt poor but i think maybe my mum just wana know if the guy is worth it.

nice thread, TS. it reminds me that a girl always needs to have funds for herself as well.

anyway, fighting over rm6k will just be the beginning of more fights over money. pls be careful.

wah if do that then yo ucan see very hard days coming ahead, better not la, once in a life time thing dun make it ugly.

I feel 6k is fair and 2888,1888 is a little stingy. Do persuade your future husband.

Sorry a little off topic : Im thinking of marriage is a few years time. How much should i save up to have a decent marriage ? Does anyone know a rough estimate ?

This post has been edited by lazarus7247: Feb 20 2010, 02:39 PM

If ur bf love u then he should save up some $$ to marry u....

Your future husband should be the one willingly to step up and pay the amount requested. Since you two are already getting married, he must have enough savings and well prepared for such situation. Since your parents requested rm 6,000 and his parents wanted sign of hou yi tou, such as 888 at the end. 5,888 would be great, since it has 888 and nearest to 6,000. Your future husband should talk to their parents, tell them its once in a lifetime.

A big no-no to personal loan just to get married, I'd not get married before i've enough savings(comfortably to get married and some extra).

This post has been edited by frankiejay: Feb 20 2010, 03:09 PM

LOL. They just want to save $$$. They want to "buy" yet stingy, but to save face, your in laws of coz won't explicitly say and admit so. if you requested 6k, which is an entry level sum for KL, they can at least offered $5888 rather than "slashing" the value to less than half of that.


8 years is pretty long time for dating. As how others have said... your bf have a long time to save $$ for wedding. Please be insistence on your stand coz "
buy or not", eventually you'll be leaving your cozy family house, and your future offspring will take his surname. 6k is a small price to pay.

6k is slightly below market rate...Almost 60% of my friends are getting married these 2 years and the rate is about 8k - 12k. I am quite lucky because my hubby suggested to give 10K due to both his brother in laws gave 10K to his parents 6-7 years ago when his sisters got married. Hence, my hubby & in law knew the market rate.
Besides refunds part of the money (woei lai) to my hubby, my parents used the money to buy gold/diamond to me & my husband which cost around 8k and this was actually 2 years ago. Gold/diamond price now are much more expensive than 2 years ago. Therefore, your parents are very reasonable & understanding already.

the whole tradition thing is so crappy

btw, if you n ur bf have no choice, ur bf has to pay lor....

n yes, i dun agree with taking personal loan....bad idea, which banks have exploited

For a very simple chinese wedding RM20k
Photo: 2k
Peng kum: 5k
Dinner: 10k
misc : 3k

Average wedding RM40k

But bear in mind you can get back a lot on the reception, so its just the turn over a bit big, no need scare.

wei 5,888 suay number la


I feel we need to preserve the tradition la, it tells who we are.

Thanks for all the advice/comment.
My future husband don't have much saving now due to the economic downturn 2 years ago.

This post has been edited by NaiveLady: Feb 20 2010, 07:40 PM

have you spoken to your parents and has he spoken to his parents? each one take a step back lor...

poor you, have to endure such situation. if he is a good man, he probably didn't want this to happen. I'm sure he would want to start a family with you if he is a good man.

Then find any amount nearest to 6,000 which is a sign of hou yi tou.

actually 6k is not too high already. I seen some of my frends which are higher around 10k with other gifts too like car, house and etc.

Lucky me, my in law only requested RM1999, with 999 return to me and the rest to my wifey. ;p

hi eebodyyy..... why is the ping kam so important ? imo, the Chinese mentality sometimes a little bit too much request & very face minded. Solely classified to make simple things complicated. To me if I have kids of my own, what matters is their future husband or wives personality from day 1, and not about reimbursement or whatsoever. And another thing, I find it cocky that some Chinese people on their day of marriage, the husband need to read a short essay to their wife.. telling her how much he would appreciate and pamper her... In reality, how many of you man out there truly live up to your words? It is a disgrace for those who don't. and those keh le fei (pasu bunga) people all around are seen melting away as the bridegroom read the essay.. To me, I always believe marriage is just between 2 person & I don't need $ to validate anything.

You know funny thing is b4 I've my own family, I used to find all this tradition a nuisance, I can hardly differentiate how to call in chinese 1st cousin 2nd cousin and so on. When I'm married and now with my own daughter I seem to find myself reviving all these tradition. Maybe as mention earlier I think we need to remind ourselves who we are.