I am getting married soon after 8 years of dating. However, parents from both family can't agree on certain things.

My parents & relatives informed the "ping kam" should be abt RM6K and requested for a piggy. They informed that that is the rate in KL. My parents told me because we're not rich, thus the money (instead of forking out our own money) served as financial aid to help them purchase essential items required for the wedding celebrations such as gold. It also will show what is my value & whether my future husband family is stingy or not. Actually, what are the things that bride's family have to buy for wedding?
However, my future in-law said my parents request is too high and they prefer to pay RM888/RM1888/RM2888 (Just a sign of good luck (hou yi tou). Reasons given is they are not buying a daughter-in-law & they want everything to be simple. They thought we want “face” and reputation is the reason behind it. They prefer give money to us (after wedding i guess) rather than wasting it to buy those wedding things. They are not rich but not poor either. My future husband is on his family side and persuading me to accept his parents proposal.

I am torn in between and we quarrel about this. Should I:
- Persuade parents to accept lesser "ping kam"?
- Persuade future husband to give RM6K ?

BTW, what are the average rate of "ping kam" given nowadays? I know some of my friends were lucky because their wife's parents didn't request for ping kam.

heard from friend, one of our ex-schoolmate faced the same situation as TS. In the end, she fork out the Ping Kam from her own account.

To me, it's not the money that matters, since 6K is not really that much. Is whether your future "family" is willing to take you as one of them and give out unconditionally.
When they can be so calculative over Ping Kam, you already know what's waiting ahead for you.

Sometimes, the amount of Ping Kam the girl's parents ask for is not because they see their daughther as an "investment transfer". They are actually testing the guys & also his family, testing the way they will treat their daughter.
More often or not, the girl's parent will only take part of the Ping Kam ( like 888, 2888) & the remaining they wil give back to the daughther, so that she got some money in hand if anything happpens in the future

sorry, not going to give a very good advice. If I am in your situation, I will just get married and ignore my/ his parents request.....

I feel 6k is fair and 2888,1888 is a little stingy. Do persuade your future husband.

Sorry a little off topic : Im thinking of marriage is a few years time. How much should i save up to have a decent marriage ? Does anyone know a rough estimate ?

Your future husband should be the one willingly to step up and pay the amount requested. Since you two are already getting married, he must have enough savings and well prepared for such situation. Since your parents requested rm 6,000 and his parents wanted sign of hou yi tou, such as 888 at the end. 5,888 would be great, since it has 888 and nearest to 6,000. Your future husband should talk to their parents, tell them its once in a lifetime.

A big no-no to personal loan just to get married, I'd not get married before i've enough savings(comfortably to get married and some extra).

the whole tradition thing is so crappy

btw, if you n ur bf have no choice, ur bf has to pay lor....

n yes, i dun agree with taking personal loan....bad idea, which banks have exploited

hi eebodyyy..... why is the ping kam so important ? imo, the Chinese mentality sometimes a little bit too much request & very face minded. Solely classified to make simple things complicated. To me if I have kids of my own, what matters is their future husband or wives personality from day 1, and not about reimbursement or whatsoever. And another thing, I find it cocky that some Chinese people on their day of marriage, the husband need to read a short essay to their wife.. telling her how much he would appreciate and pamper her... In reality, how many of you man out there truly live up to your words? It is a disgrace for those who don't. and those keh le fei (pasu bunga) people all around are seen melting away as the bridegroom read the essay..  To me, I always believe marriage is just between 2 person & I don't need $ to validate anything.

6k is ok or not, also depends on another factor. Who is going to pay for the wedding dinner?

Normally there are 2 ways:
1:Pay high ping kam, but the bride side dinner paid by the bride family.
2:Pay ping kam as hou yu tou only, the groom side will pay for all dinner.

You have to know that the ang pau from bride's  friends and relatives will all go into bride family pocket.

So for case 1, the ang pau and high ping kam will cover the dinner and other expenses.
For case 2, the ang pau will cover other expenses only.
And also, for case 2, it depends on how many tables are requested. Say if ask for 15~20 tables, can easily cost around 10k~15k on the groom side.