+ 1 again

Passive my a$$.
1) Wait for girl to show interest (sublime eye contact, body posture)
2) Reciprocate when the girl starts talking to you.
3) Empathize, empathize, empathize.
4) Go out with her!!

IMO, it's all about devoting your thoughts and mental efforts into getting to know the girl as a human being. It is NOT passive. After initial contact, it's up to you to arrange dates etc. Build rapport. Take the lead. THe ball is at your feet.

If you never had girls (whom you find reasonably attractive) show this kind of interest towards you, you may have misunderstood what I'm talking about.

You did bring up a good point though. I will update my thread appropriately.

I never said zero. I said almost zero* if she is SIGNIFICANTLY taller and heavier than you. Note the word significantly. You know where you stand in the game of love. Im sure you with all your "experience" have tried to approach girls significantly taller and heavier than you.

*Does not apply in age of desperation (late 20's-mid 30s.)

YOU STUPID A$$.

NOBODY ever said that a guy who smokes cannot get married.

I was simply saying that generally, SMOKING makes a man, any man, less attractive to girls.

As i also mentioned like three times, EVERYONE has flaws... NOBODY is perfect. We all tolerate flaws in our partners (both platonic and romantic) to a certain degree.

Ok, I shall clarify. I am 23. I am currently not committed to anyone, and I am actively trying to up my game. I am sharing on this forum what I am certain works (for me at least). There are winners and losers in the game of love, and I intend to be one of the winners. To do so, means recognizing truth and taking active steps to be the absolute best that I can with what I have.

I am dead sure that if I were to start smoking, I will be less attractive to girls. You can argue this till the cows come home - I stand by EVERYTHING that I said - Healthy mind, healthy body, healthy emotional state.

You want to talk about experience? Add me on facebook. Search for Ezra Limm. I've already been contacted by a few other forumers.... and all I can say is that there is a lot of naivity around. The people who harp on exceptions are the ones who pin their hopes on them ;-)

Ultimately, they know where they stand in the game of love... and life will be the judge of the words they speak.


You wanna keep trying to date the girl one foot taller, and 5kg heavier than you? Fine. Nobody is stopping your active approach. But my bet is that it's not going to work unless you have compensated for it by being really really awesome in other aspects of life - being successful in career is one of them.

This post has been edited by ezralimm: Aug 4 2009, 08:05 AM

Thats strange. I have never ever see a man get rejected because he smokes before. If anything smoking has always been a +1. Ofcoz its only AFTER u got into a relationship do the girls try to make you quit.

But honestly, if 2 guys are similar in everything and one smoke and one doesnt, both go after the same girl...my bet would be on the smoker to 'win' .

Hmm, well, every girl I have ever spoken to prefers guys who dont smoke. Given two guys who are exactly the same (eg. twins at a nightclub), one who smokes, the other doesnt... A girl will choose the non-smoker - unless she was a smoker herself.

I dont know the situation in Malaysia atm, but over here smoking has become pretty taboo...and very few girls smoke - especially the vane pretty ones

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Added on August 4, 2009, 8:12 amI prefer a girl who doesnt smoke too.

But if an attractive girl starts showing interest in me, I wouldnt mind even if she smoked.


Im sure the same thing is happening to girls. If an attractive guy starts showing interest in a girl, she probably wouldnt mind even if he smoked....unless she had other equally or more attractive guys who didnt smoke also show interest in her.

This post has been edited by ezralimm: Aug 4 2009, 08:12 AM

Smoking gives one an edgy bad boy feel to it. It also gives the women folks a chance to 'correct' you. chicks dig those sort of weaknesses in a man. It also tells them this guy is a non-nerd - that this guy has a fun rebellious nature to him. That means he is less serious, less tense. Less boring 'rules' that he follows.

Here in malaysia, guys who smokes and guys who doesn't have equal chances. alot of my smoking friends are married too.

See, your perspective is proven to be limited to what you observed within your scope of friends.

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Added on August 4, 2009, 8:18 amGirls like smoked sosejes?

This post has been edited by happy4ever: Aug 4 2009, 08:18 AM

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Added on August 4, 2009, 8:27 amnow im not saying everyguy should smoke....smoking is bad for health. but if u must be a non-smoker, do it for health reasons....

....not because it will improve your chances with a girl. because that assumption is false, unless u are one of ezra's friends.

This post has been edited by teongpeng: Aug 4 2009, 08:27 AM

You don't even know when you're contradicting yourself, do you?

I have, actually. But if you've never had the balls to approach a gorgeous girl, then you'll probably develop these wrong-headed theories to justify your own ball-lessness and seek validation for them on an anonymous web forum.

This post has been edited by n00b13: Aug 4 2009, 11:08 AM

here though, i would like to correct teongpeng and happy4ever for a while

well, in malaysia, i am pretty aware of the people around me, girls and guys especially if i pop them the question, would you like a smoker to be your potential spouse, i would get the majority answer as a no

maybe it's your group of friends you are mixing with, that is why you get a different response or see a different point of view that your smoking friends are married

well, also, you need to bear in mind that society is changing towards a non-smoking seeking spouse behavior, as i remember from a survey conducted by thestar previously, many stated no for their answer (of course, those whom are married already will be living in a different time phase comparing to the non-married ones)

in short,
if its just a direct question, without any extra personal variables, of course smoking is a less attractive trait to have, unless you are somebody in the other person's eyes

ask any person (that you don't know) from their early mid 20's who ain't married and see your results from the answer...of course, given the fact that if they are a smoker then most likely they would not mind as well

i have a wide variety of friends from nerds to ahbengs. i never had them in any instance tell me that they got rejected because they smoke. I've also not had any girls tell me they reject someone because they smoke.

Only small ppl make a big fuss over it.

However i would like to point out, smoking is bad for you. Bad for your health. But when it comes to girls, its seldom ever the reason for being rejected.

those nerdy judgemantal friends of yours only tell you they will reject because its the obvious thing to do for a goodygoody person, but when the real situation occur, like when they are approached by an attractive guy who smokes, they will throw all their inhibitions to the wind..."aiya just grab first...can try to make him quit later"

Asking such questions in the first place is stupid....its like asking would u like to have a virgin husband/wife....everybody wants one but who really give a shit in actual cirscumstances. i've never seen anyone got rejected for being a non virgin either. Safe for some extremely religiuous types. But even then....they just say only...

Oh another example...if u ask english ed girls if they'll date chinese ed guys...most of them flatly tell you no! but after come out to work and meet ppl and go party and such....end up also dont care wan la....If u really fail to see this then u really need to go out more..or expand your circle of friends.

And regarding height , i've personally known atleast 5 friends with significantly taller gf's. these guys arent even entau. just bursting with out of this world confidence. Chicks dig that. Actually come to think of it...i know more than 5 couples in that regards, if u include my previous gangster buddies.

My observation: nerdy ppl always like to create these small small rules just so they can feel bigger than the other ppl they perceive to be cooler than them. Then when their gf get spannered by one of these 'bad boys', they will come here and whine that oh they have been so nice to their gf and did nothing wrong blablabla....damm it people!!

...dont blame others for your own failures due to your boring katak dibawah tempurung attitudes towards life.

Some people smoke because they can!
Some losers make a big fuss out of smoking just to add any little of bit plus points they can muster to get them on par with the girls. pathetic excuse for being a non-smoker.

This post has been edited by teongpeng: Aug 4 2009, 04:08 PM

I have a large circle of friends, smokers and non-smokers. While smoking is less desirable, it isn't much of a deterrent either in going into a fruitful relationship. And most of the time, their mates are non-smokers.

Why bother giving feedback or criticism to Ezra? He's only going to either

1. Vigorously conform or subordinate it to his own views

2. Take criticism personally and treat you like an enemy

3. "Improve" upon his articles further and not attribute the new development to you.

It's almost funny in a pathological sense. He's going to get into all these debates and arguments by taking it personally and if he sees a little titbit he likes from other people he's going to be like "Oh, I like that. I'll put it in my article, now it is mine!"

LMAO!

This post has been edited by Dickson Poon: Aug 4 2009, 04:13 PM

I think lostwanderer and happy4ever summarized it up nicely
Just because smoking makes you less desirable, it doesnt kill your chances.
But it definitely is a plus if you didnt smoke

As I said... I would definitely date a girl who smokes I find her attractive enough. Im sure the same goes for girls as well.

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Added on August 4, 2009, 4:14 pm4. Agree with what sane people are saying.
5. Disagree with what bitter people are saying.

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Added on August 4, 2009, 4:16 pmNo im not contradicting myself. Quote the whole paragraph next time

And btw, my balls are so big girls gravitate towards it. There is no need to approach when you are approached

lololol

This post has been edited by ezralimm: Aug 4 2009, 04:24 PM

+1000 points! exactly why i din give anymore comments. nice observation dickson. i still stick with the fact that 1+1 in relationships don't always equals 2. just try yout best, go wif the flow and be sincere.

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Added on August 4, 2009, 4:21 pm

This post has been edited by teongpeng: Aug 4 2009, 04:22 PM

Look guys, I know I've really hit a nerve with some of the things i've said in the past.

Yet debbieyss' comment did strike a chord in me. I will be updating my article... in what shall hopefully be the last incarnation.


I realize that bringing up the role of traits that cannot be changed (eg. height) will piss some people off, and they will use everything to try to discredit me...probably because it makes them feel good.

So, Im going to eliminate that example.


Hopefully the fifth incarnation will be positive and inspiring and far more politically correct.

The troll must be full nao from all the frenzy feeding

Ezra, what had i said that inspired you?

Attraction comes in many aspects, not necessarily physical. Thats why I say its better to grow in love.
Take time to know the person. In due time, you can accept each other's shortcomings and strengths.

Anyhow, men prefers women to smoke their sosejes, while women prefer men to eat their Fatt Choy

And thats an irrefutable fact!!!

Very true.

When you are attractive to the opposite sex. You will find that many people will want to "grow in love" with you. There is a reason why attractive people get the right types of attention....and dont have the "always a friend, not a lover" dilemma.

Love grows, and humans are as picky as ever with who they fall in love with - both men and women.