If he's already ignoring your for lunch, then don't bother
asking him out. Give yourself a break and stop thinking about
him for once. Why not think about yourself now?

Nobody's gonna love you anymore now. (aside from your family)
So you're gonna have to start loving yourself from now on.  If you
don't do it, nobody will, and you'll wilt eventually.

BUT if it's work-related, just be very professional about it.
Don't give off a sympathetic vibe.

Just tell him,
"Sorry X, I know I'm the last person you want to see,
but I need to get a job done. This isn't about us, it's
about work. Can you spare me a minute or two? I just
need a few pointers here and there and I'll be on my way."

I'm sure he'd understand if he's a sensible person. If he doesn't,
clearly he's too blinded by his emotions to do what's right. You
deserve better than that. Don't cling onto someone who can't
even think straight just because he's lost his balance once.

But in a way, I can tell he's trying to do what's right for you.
Because the only way for you to give up is to grant you the
gift of despair. So he's not gonna give you any chance for
hope. If he doesn't do it this way, you won't stop hoping.

It's already a very painful process for both you an him. So
don't make it any more difficult than it already is for the two
of you.

I've also learned the hard way that it's senseless to think
about imponderable questions. Questions like,

"I think he's fallen in love with someone else."

"He says there are no more sparks between us, but
I think there's something else."

If you want to figure something out, connect the dots
with something solid. With evidence. If there's no
evidence, those thoughts don't matter. So let them
cease to exist. You're just wasting your time and
energy thinking about unnecessary questions.

I know it's bloody unfair when you love someone with
all your heart for x amount of years, and it appears to
be all a waste. All that time, energy and memories. My God.

But you have to stop thinking that it's a waste. You have
to understand that when you love someone with all your
heart, you're not leaving any room for yourself to have
any regrets.

And that's how you know you gave your best. And you probably
didn't do anything wrong. Things just really weren't meant to be.

Loving someone with every fiber of your being is a beautiful thing.
It helps you to understand how you love someone. It helps you to
understand what changes you when you care for someone so deeply
and intently. It brings out some of the best habits in you.

To put it simply, it unlocks your true potential.

It has already been unlocked for you. Don't throw them back into
the junkyard in your soul and lock them up. You deserve to keep
all the good from whatever happened.

SO, with all that free time you have in your hands right now, you
might as well use that time to develop more personal growth for
yourself. At least when you do that, your attraction level as a
woman will continue to go up.

You have to remember that you'd stay pretty only
for so long. So don't waste that kind of resource.
No doubt a lot of guys out there fall for looks first,
but whatever keeps you together later, it's your
character. So never neglect that.

Right now, you might still be in your 20's or 30's.
Then what're you gonna do once you hit your 40's?
You'll only fall into 2 categories when you do:
a. desperate for anyone at all. You lose all faith in
attraction so bad that you begin to go for a blind hunt.
So much so that you're not even setting a standard for
yourself anymore. Any guy would do. Trust me, you
don't want to do this to yourself.

b. be a single, capable and independent woman who
can thrive even with the absence of men. You're gonna
attract a whole new crowd when you're at that level.
Once you do, you'll never be that interested in good-looking
young men anymore. You know it never lasts anyways.
You'll see the reality in the mirror. Beauty never lasts.

You'll know it once you start to think that younger guys are
just really immature. It's like how you think certain guys are
so cool when you were around 16. And now when you look at
the same 16 year olds at your current age, you just think; bleh.

Search for a beautiful two-way companionship that will stand the
effects of time. And a lot of older guys can give you that. Because
they have wisdom, experience and they probably have accumulated
enough wealth by then.

So focus on personal growth.

Either way, you need to ask yourself if you really love him.
Because of if you do, then you'd do what is necessary for
him to be happy.

Sometimes you have to understand that loving someone isn't
all about being with that person physically, it's about putting
that person's happiness before you. And you've got to know
that in those times, you're not gonna be part of that equation.

And it's ok.

So if it isn't working, let him go peacefully and respect his
decision from a distance. There's a chance that he's letting
you go because he thinks he's not making you any happier
as well, and you deserve a better man compared to him.

Yes, some questions will always be imponderable. But if it
helps to drive you positively, then put those thoughts into
good use and allow them to lunge you forward instead of
putting you into a paralytic stasis.

Also, thanks Baronic for posting up this thread. I didn't need it
now. But I think the old me would have really appreciated
it if he read this sooner. Funny how I was around LYN for
such a long time in and out but never really noticed this
particular section.

I've given my all to a girl for 4 years. I had to break up
with her because she was withheld with her promise to
not ever leave me again, as we've reconciled around 4
times, the last being me going all out to win her heart
back, and a miracle happened.

It worked of course, but it didn't last. Because her heart
wasn't truly with me, she was ridden with guilt for how
nice I was to her all these while, and the truth that she
actually has feelings for someone else, but she tried
her best to avoid responding to it for my sake.

And for that alone, I'm grateful. As we've had a wonderful
4 months after reconciliation. But well, I guess us being in
2 states + her family disapproving of our relationship and
her friends influencing her that I'm not her match really
gets up to her head.

So I broke up with her with every inch of sanity I had
believing that I was doing it for her happiness and she'd
be happier without me in her life.

I used to ask myself how can two people who love one
another not live together happily? And today, I just smile
back at myself because I once told myself that loving someone
doesn't mean that you need to be with that person. You
just do whatever it takes to let the person be happy, with
or without you.

I wept for a good 2 years, and.. I don't really think I healed.
I just got stronger because I didn't want to feel like shit
anymore. And I realized that a lot of people cared about me
and I can't disappoint them again by descending into depression
again. So i just never looked back.

A lot of people say time heals, but I have to say that i disagree.
Time doesn't really heal anything. It just passes time. That's what
it does. But your body, and mind, with the aid of time, makes
recuperation possible.

Time can kill if your thoughts are not corrected. I've seen people
commit suicide before, and it's just saddening. But since you all
call it healing, sure, I'll tell you what healing really means.
(from my understanding)

You don't actually heal. You just find a reason to give yourself
strength to act as if everything that has happened will not hurt
you anymore. The first few days, months, maybe years, will
never cease to be painful.

You will cry a lot. And you will be very vulnerable. But you keep
trying, you keep processing those thoughts, and you keep talking
to people. Everyday you fight it, you'll find that it gets further and
further back into your head.

After a while, you'll realize that the thought of your ex will still hit
you once in a while, but like a gym workout, before this you'd
feel pain just doing 10 situps, but after 6 months, you can do
100 like it's nothing, and you were laughing at your old self for
being so ridiculously weak.

Because you worked hard to be stronger today.

But you see, you first have to be weak to be strong. Every pro
is a noob before they become good at something. The most
important psychology of it is the acknowledgement of the event,
and then the desire to overcome it like it's an obstacle.

I do need to quote though;
Just do it, don't try, just do it.

That's the correct line of thinking. But before you can do something,
we always start with trying, correct? I forgot who said this so..
sorry if I didn't credit you properly. Reading 98 pages over the
past 4 days limits how much information I can actually remember lol.

I do know that I agree with Winnie Pooh a lot though.

So anyways, try all you need, and after you get a hang of it, you'll
realize that you'll just be doing it instead.

I'm a little different because I'm an introvert who likes being left alone
and the notion of being friendless or relationshipless doesn't really
give me chills. Well.. more like I've been bullied all my life when I was
little and neglected for most part. So I learned early on that I shouldn't
lean on anyone too much, and avoid doing so unless if I'm really desperate.
Because people change when you act desperate in front of them.
And it sucks to have people leave you after you become somewhat
dependent on them in any way whatsoever.

So I have friends. But I'm not the kinda guy who deliberately pushes
for yumchas and get together's. This year itself is my best year because
I'm genuinely happy with myself. I didn't have to worry concern myself
over how my significant other thinks of me and focus on myself instead.
Learning to love myself is really really hard work, considering how I have
a habit of always being self-sacrificing to almost everyone I know.

But y'know, now I could work, earn money and not feel like a dipshit.
So... you have to decide to move on. People will definitely help, but
they are not necessary. If you've got determination to overcome it,
time will help you. If not, it will drown you. So be careful with that.

If you feel suicidal, please let out the negative energy with something
very intensive or relaxing. Just keep chanting to yourself with
acknowledgement to your issues that you want to be better, like

"I'm feeling very suicidal. I'm not okay. I need this to go away."
I chanted this one day while I was jogging because I've been
crying all night. I didn't know I jogged 2 whole hours until I finished
and someone told me though.

That calmed down my thoughts a little. But what was beautiful about it
was that, when I came back it, my juniors saw my pain, and they decided
that I needed a little help and they got me a bottle of 100 Plus and 3 bars
of chocolate.

And I cried again, only that this time, because I was so touched by
their kindness, and also for the fact that nobody has ever done that
for me for a very long time. I told them everything, and we all cried
together for some reason. Since that day, I vowed to not let them
down anymore, if not then I'll be putting shame into their hardwork
to put a smile across my face.

If you feel like you really can't take it anymore, just seek company
online, or physically. Tell them how you feel, and make sure you're
doing it to dispose all the negativity out of your body.

Well.. yeah. Sorry for the long post. I know this is a generation where
a lots of people have a habit of saying TL;DR so.. well, can't be helped.
I don't think there's a way to make my story anymore concise then it
already is.

For that, I clap for you. Good for you. It shows you're a very smart man,
despite your weakness when it comes to loving someone whole-heartedly.

The last move she did on you before dumping you? That's called the guilt
trip. She feels like she doesn't know anything else to repay you with, so
she did it with you one last time and gave you one last good memory of
the two of you together.

She considers that the end of her debt to you. That's why she can so
non-chalantly buggar off so easily and breakup like nothing happened.

That thing she did, telling you to move to UK? That was her expectations
of you. She was testing you, to see if you would change for her, and make
her wishes come true. She was trying to use you, but she couldn't,
because you wouldn't relent to the idea full of bullocks.

Either way, if you love her, you'd find it in yourself to forgive her and wish
for her happiness. But on a serious note though, you really do deserve better
for a man of your caliber and heart. You're a good man.

Well, at least in your story, you were. IRL? *shrugs*

Right now, post break-up, it's your job to identify what kinda girl
suits you better. Be frank about your fears, what's the bare minimum
a girl must have in her share of personalities and traits that'd make
you grow fond of her overtime, long-term.

Make a list of absolute no's too. Like maybe for instance she must not
be an active smoker, must not be a klutz, whatever crosses your mind,
just put in down. Overtime, as you date more girls who suit your type,
the guard will slowly wear off, and you'll be more acceptable to the more
iffy traits of the vast majority of girls out there.

That, I can say for sure, is when you finally know what you're looking
for in a girl.

A girl that you can actually, finally, really trust; someone who can
actually cover your ass if need be, and doesn't need to be prompted
to do it, because she actually really loves you really dearly.

She'll come in due time. So for now, it's major homework for you.

Just really start mapping out what happened with your ex. You
were sorta kinda unhappy with her from the very beginning.
You always mentioned that she way unusually shy, and that she
wasn't very outgoing as a person.

Then as time went by, she became more reclusive and secretive
towards you.

So you can start from there. Like for starters, I can point out
a few things in the kinda girl you like from your story:
1. You like confident girls who aren't afraid of making decisions
on their own. Because you know that everytime you ask them
a question, they always have a satisfying answer ready that'd
render you silent.

2. You like a girl who's comfortable being seen out with you in
public and isn't afraid of declaring your relationship out loud.
Because when you know your partner is doing that, she's really
trying hard to make it work. And that takes guts and faith.
Especially when it comes to introducing you to her family.

3. You like a girl who's comfortable sharing her personal
life and space with you. Someone who doesn't mind you
peeking at her phone every once in a while, reading through
her daily journals, blogs and diaries without ever feeling
intimidated.

4. You like a girl who's bold with her feelings and isn't afraid
to voice out concerns when necessary. You prefer someone
who can always communicate with you, even if it sometimes
gets you in a fight, because if you fight and resolve, that means
the both of you accomplished compromise, which further strengthens
the foundation of your relationship.

If you don't fight, and let the cold war sink in, both of you start
to silently bleed out of one another, which in turn becomes
counter-productive to the progress of your relationship.

5. You like a girl who's capable of holding her own weight. A
woman of her word with every sensible part of her being. Someone
responsible enough to man up to the occasion and do what is
necessary in order to solve problems rather than push the blame
on someone and leave shit to rain on its own.

Put all them 5 together, and you're probably looking at your dream girl.
(super good looks comes separately. Doesn't last eternally unfortunately.)

Fret not though, this dream girl exists. You just have to start looking
for her in the right place, and the right time.

You're clearly looking at a demographic of more mature young
professionals. Maybe someone around your own age. Or +/- 2
years at most. You may still find such girls beyond that 2 years
age gap, but it won't come very often.

Girls before and after a certain age think very differently.
Lets just say for instance, 18 year-olds and 21 year-olds.

Either way, right now I'm pretty sure you're still building
your career and whatnot. So it might be a good idea for you
to take it slow.

So here's the thing, there are arguments out there that states
that people should only start looking for partners when they are
more settled down with their life and at a comfortable stage of their career.

There are also those that say that you should look for her
regardless, because the whole point is to build your life
together from bottom up, not to wait for the girl to hop in
when you've got your chariot ready.

And then there are those that condone the orde cosmos of
things; waiting for destiny to happen. I don't encourage active
waiting, like literally waiting for it to drop on your lap while not
doing anything at all.

I do however, encourage passive waiting. Wait unconsciously,
but consciously filling up your personal time productively, with lots of
personal growth in mind to cultivate.

For me, I strongly believe that destiny will happen.
But it'll keep changing depending on what you do. If you keep
working hard on what you do, being honestly happy with who
you are, and keep chasing after your goals, she'll appear.

So I say be flexible. If you feel and instant connection, and
you're ready to go for another roller coaster ride gambling on
the chance that she might be the one, then go for it.

If you wanna do it on difficult mode, then get married fast.
If you need a little bit more options and alternatives, then
date a little longer.

But if your logic tells you to let it off and wait for a better
opportunity, listen intently to what it has to say, and weigh
it accordingly.

Sometimes it can just be fear playing its magic in your head.
But sometimes it's you trying to prevent yourself from getting
into a head on collision with disaster.