Also, thanks Baronic for posting up this thread. I didn't need it
now. But I think the old me would have really appreciated
it if he read this sooner. Funny how I was around LYN for
such a long time in and out but never really noticed this
particular section.

I've given my all to a girl for 4 years. I had to break up
with her because she was withheld with her promise to
not ever leave me again, as we've reconciled around 4
times, the last being me going all out to win her heart
back, and a miracle happened.

It worked of course, but it didn't last. Because her heart
wasn't truly with me, she was ridden with guilt for how
nice I was to her all these while, and the truth that she
actually has feelings for someone else, but she tried
her best to avoid responding to it for my sake.

And for that alone, I'm grateful. As we've had a wonderful
4 months after reconciliation. But well, I guess us being in
2 states + her family disapproving of our relationship and
her friends influencing her that I'm not her match really
gets up to her head.

So I broke up with her with every inch of sanity I had
believing that I was doing it for her happiness and she'd
be happier without me in her life.

I used to ask myself how can two people who love one
another not live together happily? And today, I just smile
back at myself because I once told myself that loving someone
doesn't mean that you need to be with that person. You
just do whatever it takes to let the person be happy, with
or without you.

I wept for a good 2 years, and.. I don't really think I healed.
I just got stronger because I didn't want to feel like shit
anymore. And I realized that a lot of people cared about me
and I can't disappoint them again by descending into depression
again. So i just never looked back.

A lot of people say time heals, but I have to say that i disagree.
Time doesn't really heal anything. It just passes time. That's what
it does. But your body, and mind, with the aid of time, makes
recuperation possible.

Time can kill if your thoughts are not corrected. I've seen people
commit suicide before, and it's just saddening. But since you all
call it healing, sure, I'll tell you what healing really means.
(from my understanding)

You don't actually heal. You just find a reason to give yourself
strength to act as if everything that has happened will not hurt
you anymore. The first few days, months, maybe years, will
never cease to be painful.

You will cry a lot. And you will be very vulnerable. But you keep
trying, you keep processing those thoughts, and you keep talking
to people. Everyday you fight it, you'll find that it gets further and
further back into your head.

After a while, you'll realize that the thought of your ex will still hit
you once in a while, but like a gym workout, before this you'd
feel pain just doing 10 situps, but after 6 months, you can do
100 like it's nothing, and you were laughing at your old self for
being so ridiculously weak.

Because you worked hard to be stronger today.

But you see, you first have to be weak to be strong. Every pro
is a noob before they become good at something. The most
important psychology of it is the acknowledgement of the event,
and then the desire to overcome it like it's an obstacle.

I do need to quote though;
Just do it, don't try, just do it.

That's the correct line of thinking. But before you can do something,
we always start with trying, correct? I forgot who said this so..
sorry if I didn't credit you properly. Reading 98 pages over the
past 4 days limits how much information I can actually remember lol.

I do know that I agree with Winnie Pooh a lot though.

So anyways, try all you need, and after you get a hang of it, you'll
realize that you'll just be doing it instead.

I'm a little different because I'm an introvert who likes being left alone
and the notion of being friendless or relationshipless doesn't really
give me chills. Well.. more like I've been bullied all my life when I was
little and neglected for most part. So I learned early on that I shouldn't
lean on anyone too much, and avoid doing so unless if I'm really desperate.
Because people change when you act desperate in front of them.
And it sucks to have people leave you after you become somewhat
dependent on them in any way whatsoever.

So I have friends. But I'm not the kinda guy who deliberately pushes
for yumchas and get together's. This year itself is my best year because
I'm genuinely happy with myself. I didn't have to worry concern myself
over how my significant other thinks of me and focus on myself instead.
Learning to love myself is really really hard work, considering how I have
a habit of always being self-sacrificing to almost everyone I know.

But y'know, now I could work, earn money and not feel like a dipshit.
So... you have to decide to move on. People will definitely help, but
they are not necessary. If you've got determination to overcome it,
time will help you. If not, it will drown you. So be careful with that.

If you feel suicidal, please let out the negative energy with something
very intensive or relaxing. Just keep chanting to yourself with
acknowledgement to your issues that you want to be better, like

"I'm feeling very suicidal. I'm not okay. I need this to go away."
I chanted this one day while I was jogging because I've been
crying all night. I didn't know I jogged 2 whole hours until I finished
and someone told me though.

That calmed down my thoughts a little. But what was beautiful about it
was that, when I came back it, my juniors saw my pain, and they decided
that I needed a little help and they got me a bottle of 100 Plus and 3 bars
of chocolate.

And I cried again, only that this time, because I was so touched by
their kindness, and also for the fact that nobody has ever done that
for me for a very long time. I told them everything, and we all cried
together for some reason. Since that day, I vowed to not let them
down anymore, if not then I'll be putting shame into their hardwork
to put a smile across my face.

If you feel like you really can't take it anymore, just seek company
online, or physically. Tell them how you feel, and make sure you're
doing it to dispose all the negativity out of your body.

Well.. yeah. Sorry for the long post. I know this is a generation where
a lots of people have a habit of saying TL;DR so.. well, can't be helped.
I don't think there's a way to make my story anymore concise then it
already is.