I met a girl 4 years younger than me at my work place. At first I didn't give much thought to her as my job description requires me to extend my assistance to anyone who requires it. It was a little unusual with her as she told me about the coordinator in her dept planning to put a blame on me for a mistake the coordinator did. Naturally I didn't give a care as it happens often. Whats different about her is that she took the time to come and see me personally to thank me for the assistance I provided (I am a site support but I like to do things remotely). This surprised me and she was surprised that I was only slightly younger than her as she said I sound like an uncle over the phone. We connected extremely well and it wasn't long before we bumped into each other in a mall and everything went smoothly from there.

I found that she was from Penang and she just came back from UK to work at the same place as me but under a different role. She was handling an enormous amount of stress as the environment back in UK was completely different and the bank we work in isn't the friendliest of banks to work in. She worked a sales/support role for corporate clients and her dept wasn't exactly helpful as most of them were unwilling to teach and she was scolded for every little thing she did not know.

On a daily basis, she will text me on Whatsapp to talk about her work and the difficulties she is having with her colleagues. Eventually I would call her to talk to her, advise and encourage her. She was often crying over the phone due to stress and at some points uncontrollably. These little chats of ours would last for hours, often up to 2 AM and I had to get up at 7 to get to work! Still I tolerated it as she sounded like she needed help. This lasted for a few months before she stopped being so needy. By that time, we were pretty close, we would meet up on weekends or for dinner on some days. Eventually, we got physically close and she would invite me over to her place (she rents) to talk.

Not long after that we became a couple and shared our first kiss in Sept, which was really special. She loved it and we kissed for long hours. We got real close after that and I would visit her every weekend and send her home after work. This continued for a long time, we would share stories, go shopping together, explore places that we've never been to in KL. I was at the happiest point of my life and I honestly thought she was happy too as she was full of smiles. She no longer cries and was confident at work which was great. I was really proud of her and took pride in being a couple with her.

We did EVERYTHING in secret. When we went out, she would always be on the look out for people she knows. Even lunch she would try to find places in corners where there isn't a clear view. Even when we saw people she knew, she would instantly turn around and walk away, leaving me hanging there alone until they were gone. I didn't care too much as I thought she was shy or she didn't want people to gossip. I let that slide for the whole 2 years I was with her. Eventhough we were really close, for example we celebrate valentines together, birthdays, anniversarries etc, somehow she didn't want people to know about us.

After 2 years, her parents don't even know I exist as she never bothered to tell them about us eventhough on many occassions she would say she wants to introduce me to them. Some of the times, when her parents come to KL, she would bring me along then right at the last minute she would ask me to go away as she was not ready and we could try again. Over time, people around knew about us as I am a pretty well known person in the place I work, right up to the CEO down to the catering staff, they knew who I was. Even then, nothing happened, no one talked, some would tease us but it was all good fun and she was ok with it. Still, she did the same, avoiding and leaving me hanging when she sees someone she knows.

She is ALWAYS texting when she is with me, literally. She can go on for hours, sometimes the whole date, from 2 PM to 10 PM, glued to the phone. She even takes the phone into the toilet. And I always noticed that she tilts the phone in an angle where I can't see who she is texting sometimes but when it is with her parents/siblings, she would hold it like a normal person would. I was always curious but I respected her privacy. Over time, this really annoyed me, especially annoying when she is not with me and I text her, it takes hours to respond, sometimes not even within the same day. Its especially bad when she is home in Penang. She literally texts me 3 times a day at every meal asking generic questions and answering unsincerely. Sometimes she cites she is busy which really peeves me off as well cause whenever she is with someone, colleagues or whatever, for lunch or some events, she literally doesn't bother to reply to me. But in front of me, she can't stop texting.

Truth to be told, I was lenient with her as she had a bad relationship while she was in UK. She was dumped due to commitment and distance so I always tried to make sure she was happy. Also she has an unhealthy obsession with UK, which she studied for 4 years there. For the first few months we were dating, every single word that comes out of her mouth was about how awesome UK was or what Malaysia is lacking etc etc. Sometimes she even cried cause she missed UK so much, especially during her birthday (due to her EX) and during Christmas. I literally told her to get over it and look at reality. It didn't take long before she accepted that Malaysia is not UK. One time I wanted to leave her because she went on a family holiday to UK. Holiday is fine but the whole time she was there, she would text me about how much she likes it there, how much she misses it etc etc. It became extremely bad when she kept wanting to meet her UK friends, asked me on how to ditch her parents so she can stay overnight with them. I got so fed up I told her while she was there that it was the end of our relationship. I told her not to come back to Malaysia and I will not be waiting at the airport when she arrives. She cried and begged for hours and I relented as she promised to face up to the reality.

Over time, everything went smoothly, we were closer than ever. We were even sexually active but nothing risky although we sometimes would let our desires take over and have sex. Thankfully nothing bad happened. I would send her home every single night unless I was away doing something and I would meet her on weekends, staying over on Friday nights.

In Aug 2014, we had some friction in our relationship, due to the fact that I was increasingly frustrated with how secretive our relationship was and due to the fact that she doesn't bother telling me anything apart from work. Her parents still don't know after 2 years and I tried introducing her to my family but she strongly objected each time I tried. August was also a time where she went home almost every week and due to some family events, she was away. During these times, she was literally uncontactable but I know she was within contact as Whatsapp has a handy stalking tool built in. She could text to the whole world but can't even reply to a How are you message? It was also this month that I invited her to my place to stay over as no one was home since everyone went for a holiday. She couldn't decide on coming or not for a month, saying she might be busy or someone might invite her somewhere, need to check if anyone wants to go anywhere with her etc etc. At this point I am not even sure whats the point of asking her in advance to book her time. She agreed at the absolute last minute.

At this point, our relationship was strained. On the day she was supposed to come, I took her to a nice restaurant for dinner to ease the tension. After dinner when I tried to hold her hand, she pulled back and said we were like "that". I got angry and just told her to cancel the plans of coming over and I will send her home immediately. She objected (!) and tried to grab my hand. At that time I was overly emotional and I slapped her hand away but I apologized instantly. In the end she came over anyway after convincing me that it will be ok. Except, it was a disaster I would never be able to turn back.

On the drive over, we talked about a lot of things about our relationship and why it has come to such a bad state. I gave her literally everything I could such as driving her around, dropping her off at the airports, sending her home, paying her meals most of the time (Cause the rent in KL is a killer), etc etc. I helped out as much as I could and I waited 2 years for her to acknowledge our relationship publicly. Her reason for not being able to do it is because she thinks I have a fixed expectation on how I want the relationship to turn out. Well obviously since she never bothered to voice any of her concerns. Another thing she pinned on me is the fact that I did too much for her and she doesn't know what to do in return but the trouble is, she never bothered to say anything and she never even bothered to try to do something/anything for me. In fact, she said being in a relationship has nothing to do with doing something for each other, which I partially agree as I never actually thought much of what I did for her until she brought it up. I just did it because I wanted to.

At my place, we had 2 days of heart to heart talk, about her problems with me, trivial garbage such as I spend too much time with her, her colleagues expect her to be more social, and about an issue she had when she was young. When she was still studying, there are times when she was abandoned by her peers and some even told her off. She's pretty timid and shy so I guess it affected her. But then again, I already knew about it. I even knew who those people were as she kept showing me their Facebook pictures so I thought she had gotten over it two years ago. We identified each other's problems and I told her we can work this out together but she kept giving excuses that it might or might not work out even when we tried. But of course, whats the point of trying if you already know the results. She said she needs a few days to think about it and I relented. She even said we were moving too fast, but the thing is, I didn't propose to her nor did I let her know I have a savings for her future. Doesn't help that no one knows either.

However, I thought all was ok cause on Saturday night, we went for a really nice dinner, which was romantic (Italian!) and she remembered our first kiss' anniversary. I was literally brought to tears and I saw hope in our relationship. Sunday was nice too, we woke up and talked like normal, even a bit romantic and still had time for sex. In my mind, I thought we would have already settled this little misunderstanding. I sent her back and we fell asleep in each other's arms. She even hugged me and kissed me when I left. It felt great and I loved her more than ever.

Fast forward to 2 days later, she let me know of her decision to part ways. It came as a sudden shock to me that I was emotionally out of control. I left the food court we were at instantly and told her to stay away from me. I cried the rest of the lunch hour alone in a public toilet. I couldn't believe she did that and she said it so casually like it meant nothing. She even had the guts to ask me to transfer some of the pictures I took of her to her phone. After work, I apologized to her for leaving her like that and asked her the reason for our parting. This is when she gave me a very vague "different goals and perspectives in life". Right after that, I lost complete contact with her. She wouldn't respond to my texts, calls and she even ignores me at work, literally.

I don't understand how could such a loving relationship turn into such a disaster so instantly? Where did I go wrong? She always says I am negative but she literally calls herself ugly and fat everytime she sees herself in the mirror. In fact, she is extremely cute (to me) which I tried to convince her numerous times.

And she keeps grudges with me for telling her to come to work on time or that we spend too much time together. The fact is, she is ALWAYS late and wants to be professional. Even when I encourage her to go for lunch with her colleagues, she says there's too much office politics and its too stressful to be with them. I tell her to go back to PG more often too and I usually only see her the most on weekends, which most couples do, don't they?

I really can't figure out where I went wrong or what did I do to make her leave so abruptly? We had really happy moments but I am starting to think that it was all a lie. All she needed was someone to  hold her hand until she was stable. It really hurts thinking about all the things we did together.