He is quite wealthy tbh. He owned his own company, earning close to 15mil per year (company earning lah, not him personally). His house also quite big and spacious, they even have their own reading room. So money is not an issue for him. His kids goes to Alice Smith, and if u know anything about private school, u will know how expensive is that school.

why ur friend dont go individual counseling first?

Fix yourself first. Then u get to see the bigger picture then u slowly work on the rest.

Your friend punya mistake is diving into marriage in hope to fix his childhood trauma.

I will also be brutally honest here. Most of the time when someone tell me his family relation isnt good, got no close friend to talk about feelings. Very high chance he/she is the problematic one.

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wether he does go see phsycologist or not. i think a fren like u or a sibling by side will do wonders. or else, he will resort to alchohol to numb himself...

If U think U know everything about 'my friend' .... there are always something U are also not aware unless 'U' are the friend.

Many of the 'rich and famous' are living on credits. House is big and spacious but loan instalments are long overdue and waiting to be auctioned. Children going to international school just to impress me 😂

15 mil yearly turnover but nett loss.

If 'your friend' is rich, spending few thousands to consult a phycologist is no issue to solve his problem. If A is no good, go to B, C or D.

If western cannot help, then go traditional way.

Maybe having a conversation with the spouse will reveal more than what U think U know all. No problem can be resolved with just listening to one person !

go counseling first

Luckily he dont really like to drink.
Money no issue, time is the issue. the time taken to fix the issue is an essence in this situation. The more he/they drag it, the worse it can be.

What do u mean traditional way?

I dont really talk to the wife, and I have no intention to be the middle man between them. Honestly I just care about the kids. I saw them grew up, oldest one is 13 years old. he used to be happy kid, but now he look so fragile. Not sure because of teenage hormone or other issue.
what is the difference?

The worst is family dinner he was not invited.

Your own family by blood treat you like this

So yesterday after church I went to lunch with friend. He told me that his wife and him are in rough patch. It was so bad that he had a meltdown and went bat shit crazy. What trigger the meltdown was years of bottling emotion and stress. He have no family, his mother is biased towards him as the rest of his siblings are more successful. His family went to family dinner once a month at the sister's house, and no one invited him. So the only family he have now is his wife and kids, and he put all his soul into it. He mentioned that when we had a meltdown, his daughter was scared and cried, and that stopped his meltdown instantly, but after that he went drive somewhere alone to clear his mind. He also mentioned that his wife is not the same women he knew back then. According to him, his wife is more complacent now, have no ambition, knowing that he will provide for everything they need. He also mentioned that during the meltdown, his wife asked for divorce/separation right in front of the kids.

He wanted to make things good again, or at least working for them. So he had a talk with his wife. While he was proposing a solution, the wife keep on pointing mistakes. He proposed for couple counseling, but the wife is against it. She say what is the use of talking to other people about family affair. His wife is a bit on kampung side, not well educated, just high school cert. While he gives out reasons why couple therapy is the solution, the wife keep on pointing mistake, and a simple talk turn into fight again. Finally the wife agreed to go for counselling, but knowing his wife, he is very positive that the wife will just go for the sake of going, and will not take any advice or willing to change. It had been that way since they were married.

Honestly speaking, I went to therapist too to solve my issue, and for me, it only work if u are willing to open up, talk and listen. In his wife case, she is willing to talk, but never listen. They used to be happy family. The kids are well mannered too.

Any of u here went for couple therapy, or at least  encountered the same issue? I really want to help them, I pity the kids. I grew up in broken house, so I know the feeling growing up without a father. Even my friend agree for co-parenting, knowing the wife, she will take everything in her own hand and will screw up everything.

Please help.

my wife and I were great together for 14 years. last year, my son started getting into trouble in school. my wife blames me for his behavior. I refuted it. so we would get into heated arguments every time my son got into trouble.

both me and my wife were so concerned about how to raise our son that we fought to do what we each thought was right and this led to us arguing almost daily.

when my wife stopped showing me affection the way she used to, it hit me hard. i tried to be nice to her and show affection to her but she did not reciprocate. this made me feel like she no longer loved me and my whole life came crumbling down. thats when i realized that i needed her more than i thought i did.

thats when i realized that my adamance to raise my son my way could lead me to lose the woman i built my life with. so I apologised to her sincerely and started to listen to her point of view seriously. lucky for me, she still loved me and she listened to my POV as well.

we then started working together on how best to raise our son. in hindsight, the problem probably really was me because she could not overule me while i could overule her. when i didnt take her POV seriously, she felt helpless. when i changed my attitude, and started listening, i realized that yes, she does have a point and I need to take the time to discuss things with her properly to achieve an agreed way forward.

the thing is, when i started listening to her, she reciprocated and started listening to me as well. i was surprised at how much she agreed with my POV after many months of arguing. I guess its human nature to disagree with someone you hate but then change your mind completely when you love them.

my wife and I were great together for 14 years. last year, my son started getting into trouble in school. my wife blames me for his behavior. I refuted it. so we would get into heated arguments every time my son got into trouble.

both me and my wife were so concerned about how to raise our son that we fought to do what we each thought was right and this led to us arguing almost daily.

when my wife stopped showing me affection the way she used to, it hit me hard. i tried to be nice to her and show affection to her but she did not reciprocate. this made me feel like she no longer loved me and my whole life came crumbling down. thats when i realized that i needed her more than i thought i did.

thats when i realized that my adamance to raise my son my way could lead me to lose the woman i built my life with. so I apologised to her sincerely and started to listen to her point of view seriously. lucky for me, she still loved me and she listened to my POV as well.

we then started working together on how best to raise our son. in hindsight, the problem probably really was me because she could not overule me while i could overule her. when i didnt take her POV seriously, she felt helpless. when i changed my attitude, and started listening, i realized that yes, she does have a point and I need to take the time to discuss things with her properly to achieve an agreed way forward.

the thing is, when i started listening to her, she reciprocated and started listening to me as well. i was surprised at how much she agreed with my POV after many months of arguing. I guess its human nature to disagree with someone you hate but then change your mind completely when you love them.

my wife and I were great together for 14 years. last year, my son started getting into trouble in school. my wife blames me for his behavior. I refuted it. so we would get into heated arguments every time my son got into trouble.

both me and my wife were so concerned about how to raise our son that we fought to do what we each thought was right and this led to us arguing almost daily.

when my wife stopped showing me affection the way she used to, it hit me hard. i tried to be nice to her and show affection to her but she did not reciprocate. this made me feel like she no longer loved me and my whole life came crumbling down. thats when i realized that i needed her more than i thought i did.

thats when i realized that my adamance to raise my son my way could lead me to lose the woman i built my life with. so I apologised to her sincerely and started to listen to her point of view seriously. lucky for me, she still loved me and she listened to my POV as well.

we then started working together on how best to raise our son. in hindsight, the problem probably really was me because she could not overule me while i could overule her. when i didnt take her POV seriously, she felt helpless. when i changed my attitude, and started listening, i realized that yes, she does have a point and I need to take the time to discuss things with her properly to achieve an agreed way forward.

the thing is, when i started listening to her, she reciprocated and started listening to me as well. i was surprised at how much she agreed with my POV after many months of arguing. I guess its human nature to disagree with someone you hate but then change your mind completely when you love them.

Not about my friend there, but I have the same problem now with my kids. More or less the same situation, but not problem at school, mostly house problem. So i blamed my wife because i thought she should be good role model as she is always at home, and same as u, it went to fight almost every day. The thing about us is that we already set the role. I am a father and a provider, so I provided. She is stay at home mum, so she manages home. The problem started when I over achieve, and we started to do well in life. I expect her to over achieve in home management too, and I tend to expect more and more.

Your story made me realized that we are different from each other, and we cant compare our achievement apple to apple. Nothing is as solid as black and white.

We are still trying to adapt, but reading your story made me more realize that we are human after all.

may i know what kind of trouble your son got into at school, and what age is he?

14 years old.
refuses to attend weekly assembly and bacaan yaasin. caught walking about the school mulitple times. kept doing it even though warned by the teachers many times. he also lies often. his lying is what made his teachers angry with him. because it makes it seem like he just doesnt care at all about what the teachers are advising him.

he has seen a psychologist and is suspected of having adhd where he finds it very difficult to sit still and is constantly looking for stimulation and he lies because he is afraid of getting into trouble if he told the truth. its hard to explain but basically, he has skewed logic.

at home, he is constantly pacing back and forth and he gets agitated if he cant check crypto market prices every 5 minutes.

my wife feels like he is the way he is because of overexposure to smart phones. she blames me for letting him keep the smart phone after he left boarding school.

So yesterday after church I went to lunch with friend. He told me that his wife and him are in rough patch. It was so bad that he had a meltdown and went bat shit crazy. What trigger the meltdown was years of bottling emotion and stress. He have no family, his mother is biased towards him as the rest of his siblings are more successful. His family went to family dinner once a month at the sister's house, and no one invited him. So the only family he have now is his wife and kids, and he put all his soul into it. He mentioned that when we had a meltdown, his daughter was scared and cried, and that stopped his meltdown instantly, but after that he went drive somewhere alone to clear his mind. He also mentioned that his wife is not the same women he knew back then. According to him, his wife is more complacent now, have no ambition, knowing that he will provide for everything they need. He also mentioned that during the meltdown, his wife asked for divorce/separation right in front of the kids.

He wanted to make things good again, or at least working for them. So he had a talk with his wife. While he was proposing a solution, the wife keep on pointing mistakes. He proposed for couple counseling, but the wife is against it. She say what is the use of talking to other people about family affair. His wife is a bit on kampung side, not well educated, just high school cert. While he gives out reasons why couple therapy is the solution, the wife keep on pointing mistake, and a simple talk turn into fight again. Finally the wife agreed to go for counselling, but knowing his wife, he is very positive that the wife will just go for the sake of going, and will not take any advice or willing to change. It had been that way since they were married.

Honestly speaking, I went to therapist too to solve my issue, and for me, it only work if u are willing to open up, talk and listen. In his wife case, she is willing to talk, but never listen. They used to be happy family. The kids are well mannered too.

Any of u here went for couple therapy, or at least  encountered the same issue? I really want to help them, I pity the kids. I grew up in broken house, so I know the feeling growing up without a father. Even my friend agree for co-parenting, knowing the wife, she will take everything in her own hand and will screw up everything.

Please help.

14 years old.
refuses to attend weekly assembly and bacaan yaasin. caught walking about the school mulitple times. kept doing it even though warned by the teachers many times. he also lies often. his lying is what made his teachers angry with him. because it makes it seem like he just doesnt care at all about what the teachers are advising him.

he has seen a psychologist and is suspected of having adhd where he finds it very difficult to sit still and is constantly looking for stimulation and he lies because he is afraid of getting into trouble if he told the truth. its hard to explain but basically, he has skewed logic.

at home, he is constantly pacing back and forth and he gets agitated if he cant check crypto market prices every 5 minutes.

my wife feels like he is the way he is because of overexposure to smart phones. she blames me for letting him keep the smart phone after he left boarding school.

i dont believe in psychologist.
mainly because of what you said, it will only work if you believe in it and put in effort to it.
in retrospective, if i put in effort in it, there is free resources around, youtube, online articles, etc.

He is quite wealthy tbh. He owned his own company, earning close to 15mil per year (company earning lah, not him personally). His house also quite big and spacious, they even have their own reading room. So money is not an issue for him. His kids goes to Alice Smith, and if u know anything about private school, u will know how expensive is that school.