So yesterday after church I went to lunch with friend. He told me that his wife and him are in rough patch. It was so bad that he had a meltdown and went bat shit crazy. What trigger the meltdown was years of bottling emotion and stress. He have no family, his mother is biased towards him as the rest of his siblings are more successful. His family went to family dinner once a month at the sister's house, and no one invited him. So the only family he have now is his wife and kids, and he put all his soul into it. He mentioned that when we had a meltdown, his daughter was scared and cried, and that stopped his meltdown instantly, but after that he went drive somewhere alone to clear his mind. He also mentioned that his wife is not the same women he knew back then. According to him, his wife is more complacent now, have no ambition, knowing that he will provide for everything they need. He also mentioned that during the meltdown, his wife asked for divorce/separation right in front of the kids.

He wanted to make things good again, or at least working for them. So he had a talk with his wife. While he was proposing a solution, the wife keep on pointing mistakes. He proposed for couple counseling, but the wife is against it. She say what is the use of talking to other people about family affair. His wife is a bit on kampung side, not well educated, just high school cert. While he gives out reasons why couple therapy is the solution, the wife keep on pointing mistake, and a simple talk turn into fight again. Finally the wife agreed to go for counselling, but knowing his wife, he is very positive that the wife will just go for the sake of going, and will not take any advice or willing to change. It had been that way since they were married.

Honestly speaking, I went to therapist too to solve my issue, and for me, it only work if u are willing to open up, talk and listen. In his wife case, she is willing to talk, but never listen. They used to be happy family. The kids are well mannered too.

Any of u here went for couple therapy, or at least encountered the same issue? I really want to help them, I pity the kids. I grew up in broken house, so I know the feeling growing up without a father. Even my friend agree for co-parenting, knowing the wife, she will take everything in her own hand and will screw up everything.

Please help.

I wont refute the work of a health professional.

But at end of the day, take whichever help that one feels is needed to improve their health.

Just cuz 1 method works for others, does not guarantee it works for someone else.

However, one will not truly know the results, unless one takes the plunge.

here, i assume you are talking about counselling or clinical psychologists. psychologists follow science, they have protocols and rules, so yes, they help.

but the same with lawyer/doctor that are A grade to F grade, you will also find psychologists who are really good and bad.

As it's the heart matter, you will also need to find someone that is compatible to you. counselling only works if the person wants an answer to their predicament... the wife doesn't want. so..

Yes, from what i can see the wife dont even look for ways to amend. Maybe its dead end, but my friend willing to give it another try.

who is having the meltdown, isn't it the guy himself?

he can turn into something incredible hulk when he has the meltdown. If i'm the wife, i'm also scared.

only help if someone actually wants to change.

Yes its the guy. He told me nothing physical, just him screaming and crying and throwing stuff on the wall.

For all the time I know that guy, he never cry. Not even when his father passed away. He was so used to bottling up his feeling. He never even throw stuff or get angry to that level.

mayb ur fren having rough times in life. pyscologist does help, but i dont think it shud b call couple counselling. its more towards solving ur fren problem of meltdown. of course d pysoclogist will hav a talk wit his wife to noe wats right or wrong.

my case is my kid had been on meltdown, the psycologist will track sources till parents attitude etc. at last it goes down to father not helpin enough at home n other problem of kid


This post has been edited by low yat 82: Sep 22 2025, 08:50 AM

moreover if wan to take medicine or anythin, still need go through physcologist. 1st step usually they gib pills. call happy pills or wat cant remember. but when my son take it, it become more worst. haha

Exactly my thoughts too. But maybe with the right psychologist, the wife will open up and be better. Who knows.

No doubt there are some things that he didnt tell me. He is the kind of person that keep things to himself, very rare to see him open up. Maybe the problem lies with his attitude of not opening up. He was raised like a soldier, to maintain composure and present calm front no matter what happen. His motto is "no one care about u or your feeling, unless it benefit them", so i genuinely think he need to talk more about his feelings. Hard tos ay, we are not in their shoes.

that one is psychiatrist lah. Psychiatrist is a doctor that studied psychology and have the right to give medication. Psychologist on the other hand are not allowed to prescribe any medication.

i think better approach is ur fren go see physcologist n accompany by d res. usual psycologis will have 1to1 wit each of them to access d problem n to see wats d concern of every1.

from my own experience is, father nowadays r super stressfull bcoz of d world heading towards fair parents. father need learn to do house chores, cooking etc which is traditionally done by women. haha.

ya. sorry my mistake. d clinics i go have both.

The worst is family dinner he was not invited.

Your own family by blood treat you like this

i think so too. The thing is he was raised by a man that told him, being a man, u must show u are tough. No one cares about men feeling. And as such, he tend to hold his feeling since he was a kid.

Im also a father and I also stressed. Stress with my company, work, house, family. Kids not as I expect them to be. Have to work, and expected to help with house chores too. I understand that well too haha

I was speechless too when I heard about it. I tried to reason, maybe its small gathering or the house to small to invite everyone.

Turn out its a big family dinner which involved the sisters in laws too, and the sister live in a mansion with separate dining area that can accommodate 12 people sitting at the table.

Money issue is always the start of many family problems. It will lead to further petty quarrels, sometimes to a more serious level.

Your friend is looked down by parents because he is not successful compared to other siblings. This has also affected the spouse and the children.

Look at ways to spend more time outside earning more money instead of spending money and time with a phycologist. When the family income improves, so is the family bonding. When one is busy earning money, he won't have time to quarrel !

MONEY IS THE PHYCOLOGIST !

He is quite wealthy tbh. He owned his own company, earning close to 15mil per year (company earning lah, not him personally). His house also quite big and spacious, they even have their own reading room. So money is not an issue for him. His kids goes to Alice Smith, and if u know anything about private school, u will know how expensive is that school.

If it is me, I would kick everyone out that makes me unhappy from my little happy world.

Wife wants divorce so be it.

But I would fight for my daughter custody.

why ur friend dont go individual counseling first?

Fix yourself first. Then u get to see the bigger picture then u slowly work on the rest.

Your friend punya mistake is diving into marriage in hope to fix his childhood trauma.

I will also be brutally honest here. Most of the time when someone tell me his family relation isnt good, got no close friend to talk about feelings. Very high chance he/she is the problematic one.

 Lundy_Why_does_he_do_that.pdf ( 6.11mb ) Number of downloads: 19


This post has been edited by netflix2019: Sep 22 2025, 10:14 AM