It happens usually when got visitor around even when I'm like few feet away only. She would tell people that I don't take care of her, never provide food or even worst I'm having affair with the maid, LMAO. Anything that can bring me down. She is in her Alzhemeir state already but it started for ages ago even when I was a kid but only realizes when I started install CCTV and tap on phone calls. Yes, it's heart breaking when you have been providing since the beginning but was and never will be appreciated. I will just do until the end and hopefully I don't die first so my wife don't have to deal with this mess.

so sorry to hear... very tough hearing those comments.

my mother would call my relatives and accuses me of using her to cook meals and wash clothes at home (since she has retired and I thought why not have something to do everyday) (while i busy working, pay for her bills, and groceries, and even clear off her house loan). none of her other 3 children want any contacts with her, nor give her a cent (when i cleared off her house loan, normal parents would be so happy and thankful but she gave no appreciation, she accused me of not telling her, and doesn't know why I did so - so she doesn't need to be burden with house loan at old age)... is that sign of Alzheimer or narcissistic calling me a black sheep?

thank you for doing your part. hope the burden eases a bit.

Send to old folks home, once a week visit your loves one

I think once dementia or Alzheimer sets in, should be fine to get professional help at those centers.

If mind is still sound, get a hire to solely look after them at home seems like a good choice. Old folks feels better at home and cheaper to get a maid too.

Tu 101 bukan org. Hati bkn manusia pun. Binatang betol. Hisap darah satu negara utk hidup sampai skrg. Lebih baik mati aman.

teach me how you quit all vape n smoking?

My parents are narcissistic unfortunately, only found out and read about it 3-4 years ago. What your mum did sounds like gaslighting in narcissistic's book. And usually there's at least a designated black sheep as well in a narcissistic family.
So, when my mum's Alzhemeir sets in, I don't know if I should be happy or not, because at least now she can't hide it anymore, the real devil has come out of the closet.

Already married means got help…try me destinied foreveralone and confirm need hire caretaker but stuck with malaysian salary.

I think it's easier if you are not married. No kids and wife to think about. No need to add them into the balancing act. No need to feel guilty not spending time with them.
Of course thing nothing is easy when you are in this situation. A day can feel like a year and a year like 10 years...

This post has been edited by contagiouseddie: Sep 5 2025, 03:12 PM

the only help I can give is emotional support to the one directly affected, in this case MIL. because FIL scolds her and calls her all sort of things from morning until he sleeps. sometimes mood swings and at his age, still want to try to hit her. Really do worry for her because it's near impossible to be patient to someone who constantly claims that he's not been given food despite just eating with plates still there.

I feel you man. I was on my career break when I needed to be a nurse to my granduncle. Changing bandage twice a day, insulin, cook diet food, hospital appointment every 2 days etc.

Those things are not tiring but we are tired because of attitude ie. stubborn.

Good thing now we have a helper, otherwise I think I am going to die before anyone else.

Now I get why sometimes caregivers are the one who left the world first than those are sick. The stress level is nothing like work.

Interesting thread ... just wanna agree with whoever said the most not loved kid is usually the 1 taking care of the elderly ... and also like most ppl said ... just gotta keep going ... no other choice ....

with declining birthrate, this is a future....make sure you have alot of money before you check into a nursing home

taking care of old people is pain, turns even kind people into bad people

Alot of money is only good for seniors who are medically fit.

When one is sick, alone and with plenty money in the bank, he still needs another to manage his money ... make payments for all his needs. Whether is children, relatives or friends.

hello everyone, like all of u, i was experiencing the same, and the irony part is, i was never loved my whole life (mama died shortly after i was born, everyone say i jinxed her), i was left alone to grow up on my own from 2 to 17.

then people grew old and start coming back, expecting to be taken care of, fine, society said we must respect and care for our eldery, so i did as well.

but after carried out my responsibility for decades and still never got appreciated, so i just stop caring for them and start to love myself fully, it's been 3 years since, my life had improved so much better.

for those who are still struggling, maybe consider giving up and love yourself more, afterall, you are the only one who will appreciate you for the selflessness.

don't live in the past, don't worry about the future, enjoy the present.

just to add few more points, don't guilt yourself for other people's suffering, it's their fate and life, not your fault.

start dictating your life, how you want to live until the end of it.

Ppl say don't worry, you'll get good karma ... I'm still waiting for good karma lol ..... but .. no la ... we take care coz it's just a human thing to do ... sometimes I don't know how ppl live without taking care of their elderly ... Quite insane tbh.. especially when they are the "loved sibling"

All these karma stuff are just sweet comforting whispers to make you feel good and to justify your current suffering.
Its totally hard to imagine oneself in the position of caring for immobile elderly folks unless one has done it before.

Be strong, stay healthy and pass the buck when you've reached your limit bro.
All the best !