I am in my 30s and have been singled for the past 4 years

These 4 years I tried to chase girls whenever possible from social activities to office. Somehow all didn’t worked out

There was one intern in my office I liked her and trying to get close to her and know her better but she was keeping it a distance and later only I knew she actually is seeing someone in the same office.

After continuously tried, I grow tired and my reputations in office somehow not that good anymore. So I gave up on relationship this year May.

The intern she came back as permanent in July but since I given up , so I decided not to have any sort of moves… just focus only on my works.

Then go my surprised she show interest in me and I was in shocked because it was hard to believe. So I proceed with cautions asking her out for a movie and trying to know her. I was still half disbelief so I treated her extremely politely and didn’t flirt at all.

After that movie date, she no longer show any interest in me and I was afraid I will lost her so I asked her out… the next week unfortunately it was at the same time I got sick in my life and lost my voice. Yet I still asked her out and we had a good talk despite me losing my voice

And I got a very important trip in 2 weeks. So the next week i focus on recovering since i totally lost my voice the 2nd date after.

After my trip, for some reason my infections got worse and i ended up having fevers for more than 2 weeks and then hospitalised.

I wanted to propose her to be my gf on the 3rd date but for some reason a lot of factors stopping me from doing it… then now she told me she is seeing someone and we can still continue to be just FRIEND.

My heart just broke. I dunno what to feel, shall I be sad? Shall I be regret? I just feel so lost right now… is like god has make a big joke on me again

bruh, dont shit where you eat tf. what are you doing. and with someone below your command?

i am confidentaly can tell you that you have never been to night club before or never been to thailand or indonesia or vietnam or philipina.

bro - the pussycat already hint you and give you a bomb to be a friend la. she using you as back up plan, that is why she go out for movie with you to test water what will you do.

since you in your 30's d, please focus building yourself in mind, knowledge, body, hobby, and do better at work - earn more $$$,
the pretty flowers will come sendiri.

there are plenty more fish in the sea bro, broaden your horizon please.


good luck!

This post has been edited by malaysiaku: Aug 20 2025, 08:23 AM

The intern is another dept not my dept

Maybe she didn't really "show interest in you" but rather just being friendly. And you took it the wrong way

you're probably repeating the same old habits that prevent you from getting a better success on this. Generally speaking, if the girl doesn't feel you're grounded and being colorful social butterfly there's less meaning for her to be sexually attracted to you at the first place

Secondly, it depends on how she relates you with her past experiences with the guys or the stories she has been told. There's only that much thing you can do to attract a girl and ultimately its up to her whether she's open up to be available for you

If you're still doubtful with your attractiveness as a person, maybe there's an underneath deeper reason more than that

I agree, it can be a form of idealized projection.

If possible, dont date anyone from the office...later messy lar..even though I have seen it at workplace....

No need to feel sad with this type of girl. Last time I meet with this type of girl, doctor. She approach first but later I suspect something wrong, find out in social media, she in relationship with another doctor, luckily I escaped from being keep as a backup. This type of girl only problematic, u can see they are very friendly with many male.

I read TS post..

Then I saw first date = movie date

One of the donts. Fail.

Bcoz limited opportunity to talk?

so many mistakes

1. Don't eat and sh_ _ in the same place
2. Don't go for a movie date
3. Don't propose (wait what, is this a marriage??)

When dating, u are trying to build a connection to the person you are dating. This requires communication. Communication is verbal and non-verbal (body language, touch). Cant do all these while watching a movie in a cinema.

And if u touch2 in the cinema all the sudden, then u risk being a pervert.

Cinema dates should wait until physically comfortable. Thats my policy.

keep the date simple, do what most malaysians do and love, go makan somewhere

This girl has a lot of options. You are not her priority. Leave her alone for now.

Move on. waste time being friends. she will come back if that one didnt work out. and you can choose if you want to be 2nd choice.

dont easily gave up if you feel that she potential become wife. just keep contact and friendzone area so that she know you are still interested. if you just want dating and play2, better focus on career

But dont go food court ya..at least for the first few dates.

of course never food court man! no class at all.... go mamak
truly malaysian

you've always been the spare tyre ..

Basic rule man, dont eat and shit at the same place.

unpredictable so yea agreed with it

while it's a.......common recommendation
not to hook up anyone at workplace

i say
beggars (for the lack of a better word) can't be choosers

not all of us are lucky enough to find partners outside our usual circle of acquaintances

"a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"
go for it if opportunity strikes by all means
for chances like this don't always pop up

Agree

We spend most of our time in office/at work actually
8-12 hrs a day for 5 or 6 days a week.

Then got company trip, outstation meeting, business trips, teambuilding, OT, etc

A lot of things happen because of this long hours. Im one of the victim. Different departments also kena, what more if the person is same department or sitting next to each other. Sparks will fly one.

In my case, it was really an accident. Unplanned. Totally special case & special circumstances. Like that also can happen. Really fated.

glad you found yours buddy :-)
tempat kerja ka bukan, janji temu
lifestyles play an important role
some of us are not socially that very active, plus it's not cheap hanging out
there'd be times when we're a hermit living within the corners of our room, never venturing out too much,
mana mau jumpa teman macam ni



This post has been edited by machomama: Oct 3 2025, 04:11 PM

Only nowadays its riskier.

I have a friend. Wassap his female subordinate late at night. Not work related matters. She complained sexual harrasment. He kena disciplinary inquiry and was forced to resign.

HR take these cases v seriously
and if valid, kena!
why la go send dunno what all late at night - sendiri cari pasal ppl all sometimes learn the hard way

sorry to say, ur fren case looks like got some parts omitted or could be entirely one sided thingy that's why prolly ended up like that
tackling sweethearts in the office require proper planning and homework (but don't go beyond and overthink too much, ppl in lalaloveland tend to overdo things)
minimum 200% confirmation from the other party, then only deploy 2nd stage actions
go gradual, never rush

mistake already,.dont go out with colleague

unfortunately sometimes
we never know until we try, takes guts, never easy, then agn to some, it's in their blood to behave this way

never try
later down the years.......regret

You can always choose to talk to a 32 year old single mom when you buy some groceries at speedmart

we don't need to mess with where we earn money

The problem is u dunno whether they are single mom or not. They can come shopping alone.

It happened to me once.

I had 4 items and the young mom had only 2 items. A milk powder (refill type) and eggs. So i let her pay first. She smiled. I smiled back.

The when she wanted to pay (during that time was before QR) she was short of money so i paid for her. It was a neighborhood speedmart so nevermind. If she doesnt meet me again, i halalkan the few ringgit.

Then after a few months, i already forgotten about it and i bumped into her again. She smiled but that time i just gaduh with my gf, i was not in good mood. I didn’t smile back. When i was queueing up, she was 2 spots in front of me. I totally forgotten about the incident that i paid for her before. She not pretty, short and just normal girl next door. And having a gf that time, i didn’t look at other girls. I was loyal and alim and taat setia.

When it was my turn to pay, suddenly she handed me the few pieces of notes and said “thank u”. I was stunned a bit and paid my stuff with credit card to collect points

She kept pushing the money to me and told me that i paid for her last time. I baru teringat.

Then i said ok la i just took the money because it is not nice to assume she was poor no money if i sedekah to her.

Then time passed again, and i met her during one evening walk at the park. We just chit chat but her kid was crying so we didn’t chat long.

Another time i met her at the park when i was having my walk and we smiled. It happened that this time her kid was not with her, so we walked and chatted

To cut the long story short, we texted in wechat and had those lovey dovey conversations… until i found out she was married.

No wonder when i was at the speedmart sometimes i feel like got eyes watching me, like wanna kill me kind of eyes.

Moral of the story: jgn ngorat awek kat speedmart. The first question to ask is “dah kawin?”

Question: How did you find out at the end she was married? She told you or you found out by accident? And how the heck married and still lovey dovey conversation? Not making much sense there unless she memang planned to cheat?

Long story

At first we only plan to go park for a run. She has babysitter for her kid but her time is unpredictable. Sometimes she runs at 5pm sometimes 6pm. So we exchanged contact to go park at same time. It was kinda like mutual motivation.

It was innocent la. The park is open space, bkn nak berkhalwat pon, some more 5pm 6pm.

Then sometimes we send each other instagram post, slowly it became lovey dovey. Harmless flirting la.

To cut the story short, we went movies, then it became more than movies. We progressed further and went some place to melampiaskan nafsu. One day, she got a phone call and she panicked like ibu ayam nampak helang.

So she asked me to quickly send her home.

That was the time she confessed that she was married and her husband called her. She told me she was in an abusive relationship and she always kena pukul. I never seen her hubby before coz he worked in another state.

The next day i texted her to check if she was ok



It was kinda sad that she had to find a way to vent her frustration because her marriage was in a turmoil. She couldnt divorce coz of her kid. Her husband was ok, just a bit panas baran. She had to endure him for her kid.

I told her if he hit her she can report polis. But she said he will hit her more. So better sabar a bit, and make him happy. Just follow his instructions is ok. I think i saw the husband once at speedmart. Quite garang face, so i pretended i dunno her. I went to check things in another aisle.

I am not sure my simpati is at the right place or not. I can’t rescue her from her marriage, but by getting involved im making it more complicated.

So i stopped contacting her, and i taubat. Insaf. Pulang ke pangkal jalan.

Now this brings up one more question from me. How sure are you she is being abused because the husband is panas baran OR because she is gatal miang nak mampus? Sometimes we can't judge a person (especially women) from what she says. The willingness of her to engage in "nafsu" activities with you when she is still married shows how good of a wife she really is. There's no such thing as "because of the child". I feel it could be her fault for being gatal miang so the husband gets abusive. Just my thoughts.

No la she no miang. It could be a spur of the moment. A temporary lapse of judgment. A illogical choice at the wrong moment.

We both very innocent. We sit at park also dunno what to talk about.

Occasionally she just say “tgk ada burung”
Then i reply “ohh”

Then awkward silence

Then i say, “dah nak maghrib, jom balik”
She reply “ok”

There was no sexual attraction also. She was short, girl next door, tutup aurat, all prim and proper.

I also not hensem, muka ondeh-ondeh, tergagap2 dont know how to talk and i my relationship knowledge was from watching Astro Ria.

She got some bruises that i noticed, but i didn’t ask. She also very accident prone, walking also can terpeleot. Go mamak also can terlanggar bucu meja. Holding sirap limau also can tumpah. Butterfingers.

Initially i assumed was that.

Until the day she opened up and told me the story.

Yes what we did was wrong, but i didn’t blame her. She might be seen as committing adultery, khalwat, menduakan suami, curang, zina, whatever u wanna label her, but she was only human. I can empathize what she was going through.

You know, kid can be a strong motivation. If u become a parent u will know. Parents can sacrifice anything for their children.

Ts.. for me you're such a good boy. If im the girl u will thought you got no interest in me. No flirt, no nothing.

By the way the movie date sounds ok for me though

Bro, grow up, when it's doesn't feel right, just let it gone by gone. You must have widen your social network. There are bunch of girl out there. You never try to join them. May be you will find one.