I am in my 30s and have been singled for the past 4 years

These 4 years I tried to chase girls whenever possible from social activities to office. Somehow all didn’t worked out

There was one intern in my office I liked her and trying to get close to her and know her better but she was keeping it a distance and later only I knew she actually is seeing someone in the same office.

After continuously tried, I grow tired and my reputations in office somehow not that good anymore. So I gave up on relationship this year May.

The intern she came back as permanent in July but since I given up , so I decided not to have any sort of moves… just focus only on my works.

Then go my surprised she show interest in me and I was in shocked because it was hard to believe. So I proceed with cautions asking her out for a movie and trying to know her. I was still half disbelief so I treated her extremely politely and didn’t flirt at all.

After that movie date, she no longer show any interest in me and I was afraid I will lost her so I asked her out… the next week unfortunately it was at the same time I got sick in my life and lost my voice. Yet I still asked her out and we had a good talk despite me losing my voice

And I got a very important trip in 2 weeks. So the next week i focus on recovering since i totally lost my voice the 2nd date after.

After my trip, for some reason my infections got worse and i ended up having fevers for more than 2 weeks and then hospitalised.

I wanted to propose her to be my gf on the 3rd date but for some reason a lot of factors stopping me from doing it… then now she told me she is seeing someone and we can still continue to be just FRIEND.

My heart just broke. I dunno what to feel, shall I be sad? Shall I be regret? I just feel so lost right now… is like god has make a big joke on me again