To all readers, may take this as just me ranting haha. I'm just overwhelmed with a variety of emotions currently. It's kinda new to me.

Well I think it's more like a one sided thing.
So here's the story
We got to know each other through sort of a dating app.
She's real, and she's beautiful. No catfish no sales nothing.
Just genuine people getting to know people. Or maybe it's just me.

She just broke up with her bf after caught that guy cheating. She shares story with me. Real heavy ones that puts me in a lot of pressure ngl.

She asked me real difficult questions after she's drunk. Multiple times at that. All I could say was I can't answer her right now or some really vague answers. You could say that I didn't grab the opportunity but to me I'm more into honest and determined answers if I would want to be responsible of taking care of her.
One of those questions being could I afford her, of course I said I couldn't and was sad and helpless.

She's a really nice girl, she did apologized for having me taking care of her when she's drunk. I didn't do anything. Just pick her up and drop her back home. Was hoping that I could lend her my shoulders but she doesn't seem to be asking for it and I felt like it's not right to do so at the time.

Anyhow, days gone by, I sent her messages almost every time I get the chance. But like if I asked 2 questions or gave 2 answers. Either one would be ignored or all of them ignored. As if nothing ever happened.
Each time I got ignored I thought that okay, I guess that's the end of our "friendship". But then suddenly a text would pop and the conversation would continue for a few text and then she'd be gone again.

Well thanks to her I'm motivated to make tiktok videos and grow my social media hopefully to the point where I can earn money.
And thanks to her I'm also motivated to write a punk rock song about my feelings.
But unfortunately I'm getting real depressed and sad occasionally on a daily basis when I think about her.

Honestly you could say that I'm just being used, I probably am, I just don't know what I should do next, not knowing if I should continue to pursue her without letting her know my feelings.

I do think that I'm kinda rushing this if I did confess.
I'm probably just insecure cause well she's beautiful, guys would line up to pursue her knowing that she's single now.

But the funny things that she told me when she's drunk, it's like she had feelings for me, told me that we could get married blablabla. I know she's drunk and all. But I do believe that she's pretty sober when she say all those things. Many questions just left unanswered.

The song Jenny by The click five kinda feels like my exact situation especially the first 2 lines.

I had a hunch that if I do confess, I'd probably be rejected. And so I kept quiet. And it's been weeks, my feelings are bottled up and bursting, I'm keeping myself sane by writing letters that I won't send and making music.

I even cook meals for her when she said she's hungry and drove 30 minutes just to send her food. I'm willing and not complaining. Just wanted people to see I'm putting in the effort 😂

I'll stop here for now.

If anyone could advice, here's my question

Should I confess and tell her everything?
I didn't say anything was because she's still sad about her breakup, still misses her ex, technically still in contact with her ex. Her ex still looks for her and all. They kinda argued again when her ex knew me.
Fyi I did NOT wreck their relationship. She Broke up AFTER she found out her ex cheated. Plus I didn't do anything to her. NOTHING AT ALL

Should I just wait for her to look for me?
I'm insecure yes, she can message 10 other guys that has way better profile than I do. I'm afraid that because I kept quiet and did not approach her, she would lose interest in me. But then I don't want to be a simp you know ahhahahaha. I probably am but I'm trying lol.

I'm just confused and my mind is like SpongeBob sorting brain files in his head in fire if you get the reference.

If there are other advices do share to me. I'd be grateful.

Thank you for reading.

Let me give u some advice from a girl's perspective. You might not like to hear this but yeah, she's basically using you. Just giving u enough attention to keep u around. I know it's hard for u to do this but u really need to stop simping to her. Looking at the messy rship between her n her ex, even if u managed to convince her to be yr gf, she'll only treat u like a rebound. So please don't confess to her and walk away like a man who knows his worth.

There's plenty of fish on dating apps ok? I can assure you that you WILL match with other girls who won't treat u the way that she does. In the meantime, pls watch some self help vids to build up yr confidence n learn to love yrself more...only then you'll realise that u deserve better n be brave enough to walk away whenever girls are taking u for granted.

This post has been edited by parisiansky: Jun 25 2025, 04:38 PM

TS, from what I observe you seem to be in what orang-orang muda like to call, a situationship.

Like you suspected, you could be used. I guess you just return the favour, just ignore her messages next time round, say you're looking around too. See how she reponds. Sometimes someone needs to know they are losing someone important before they wake up, if not you'll forever be a spare tyre. Don't be a fixed deposit. If she moves on, then you should too.

Good guys finish last in relationships. She looked for a 'bad' guy to be her boyfriend - hope to change him from womaniser to loyal dog, and break up with him when he cheater on her?

You mentioned the things you did for her. But what has she done for you? If you are already all give but no take even before the start of a relationship, then you're just a doormat. Either just go for it and put her at backburner if rejected, or just stop replying/giving her what she asked for if you kecut to go for it. No need to play games trying to make her jealous etc.

This post has been edited by FrostIris: Jun 25 2025, 04:56 PM

Sometimes she's there, sometimes she's not. Total red flag. Move on, lots of single girls out there still

I truly thank you all for the advice. Yeah it's kinda obvious that I'm being used. I guess I just need a push from someone or a slap to reality so that I could move on and do my thing.

True that there are plenty of fishes. It's just that it's been so long I've felt like this kind of uhm..love I guess. Or maybe I just had a crush and because I've been single for many years thats why it's hard for me to realise things.

Yeah. I'll try to let go one step at a time. Maybe reject her invitation when the next time she asks me to accompany her to drink or something.
I wrote a confession letter but after thinking and pondering before reaching her home. I tossed the letter away and make a u turn. Probably did the right choice 😅

The feeling of heart break is real 🫠 thank you all 🥹

From your other thread, I guess you're still learning about women and dating. If after all these virtual slaps by others and you still feel the strong urge to go for her, I'd say why the hell not:

Confess the way you like it, write a script or letter if you want, do whatever you like. Let her have all your cringe and most likely she'll reject you -- that's actually the best outcome because you'll then be able to let go without that sliver of regret in your head nagging "why you left without trying". Rejection hurts a lot but understand that it's not always about your own shortcomings but sometimes just wrong timing, wrong values, wrong place, wrong chemistry, wrong genes....

Some time later as you reflect on your past, you'll cringe at what you did, you made shit super awkward, but glad that you tried and it's over.

what you said makes sense too. I might regret not doing anything. I'll think about the letter after I finish the song 🥹

Currently I'm trying to cool down myself from this "broken" feeling. I figured I might be able to think more clearly if I'm not as hot headed.

Thank you very much kind sir 🙏🏻

TS, been in your place before essentially you are the rebound relationship to keep her distracted while she process her feelings. She gave me all the right signals, we asked each other out for dates. Kept in touch constantly with lovey dovey messages.

Then one night, she messaged me her ex wanted her back, and she wants to be with him, apologised to me and I moved on. Your heart is in the right place but for now you are an option to her. Give it time, the right person will come along.

Yeah, damn it. I should've been smarter about it. Sent a 15 page letter and now I'm starting to regret it😂 well, What's done is done. I'll just need to forget about it and move on. Felt so stupid with the long ass letter😂
Should've just kept quiet and do nothing. Would be much much better

This post has been edited by forlowyat1: Jul 1 2025, 01:01 AM

15 pages??? You can publish a short romance novel already 🤣🤣🤣

Eh, I won't beat myself over it. It's a useful step in helping you to move on. Our brains are wired to seek closure, so sending that letter, however cringe it may be, will help you see the reality and finally close that chapter in your life. Had you not do it, your brain may still be stuck with all those "What ifs" scenarios. Now that you're a little wiser, I hope you won't repeat the same mistakes again

omg... I am shock that you able to draft out a 15 pages letter. Anyway, whatever happened next, I do wish you all the best. Just move on even if the outcome is not favorable.

Yeah. It is indeed 15 pages 😂😂😂 I turned on tiktok live chat with some randoms while writing them from 1am to 6am. I just couldn't sleep that night 😂

Got a song about this coming soon too 🤣 I got so much ideas and inspiration thanks to this.

Told one of my friends, he was shocked and asked me with disbelief, "please tell me you haven't send in the letter" and I'm like oh shit I already did HAHA. Then he told me it's fine, don't think about it anymore with disappointment on his face 🤣

Well a little bit of update. She ghosted me for like 2 days and replied me. Well it's nothing much but it was a closure.
The funny thing was, her ex took my letters and left it in his car. I don't know how or what happened, maybe they had an argument or something then she got a hold of my long ass letter

Well ain't my problem anymore.

15 pages!?!?!

Dude, I hope you did it in A7 size

Since it's already in the past, don't let that effort go to waste — why not share your writing here so we can all learn from you? ?

fuuu... got song summore... can share?

I got into a similar situation before. After i sort of put my foot down, she went radio silent ever since. Well, like you said, ain't my problem anymore...

I love this idea. Yknow, 15 pages is a huge burden for her alone to read. Gotta share that burden 😇

I salute TS for fully embracing your cringe within, may you now put that behind and be a better person for the next right one.

Bruh... A7 is too much. Imagine writing 15 full pages of words on A7 when it took me 5 hours for A4....

Oh no I'm not gonna dig my memories on that 15 pages of cringe essays 😂 I'll give a summary or an idea of it.
So it begins with sharing what I feel about our experience together.
Then what I think about her. (Fyi I did not touch a single hair of that lady, proud of myself being able to stay gentleman til the end. But u know as a guy we all wanted to have something if you know what I mean)
After that I asked her questions on what she thought of me.(Not expecting a reply) Just to let it out.
Then proceeds to answer questions I couldn't answer when she was drunk.
Then throughout the letter it's filled with thanks and grateful for the experience.
Last few pages would be ABIT nagging like don't do stuff that affects health. Do this do that. Then told her it's not her fault for any of these since she always apologized to me when we were hanging out. Or should I say when I was babysitting a stranger. Well I admit I'm a simp hah.
Anyways it ended with thanks again and with some farewell gifts. (Some of my home cooked meal and snacks for her pets)
Still simping till the end. God I'm such an idiot.

I won't share the song directly here because I'd like to stay anonymous here 😂 we'll just let fate decide and see if you can stumble upon my song on YouTube/tiktok/Instagram by chance. Hahaha it won't be that good cause my singing sucks and my playing skills are all just average Joe.

Thanks for the salute. It's was like a mountain got lifted up from my shoulders after I sent it. Occasionally my mind goes argh I should've or shouldn't wrote that yadiyada. But still I was relieved. Still both glad and regret at the same time 😂 glad that I'm not that much stressed anymore and regret that I'm such a cringe HAH WHO THE HECK SENDS LETTERS NOWADAYS

This is a comparison of paper sizes. A7 is much smaller compared to A4... you are not a detail-focused person.



The hard questions asked.

It is a leak — a "past year life examination paper." She came into your life and handed you that document. Whether you saw it or not, that’s up to you. But it was there.

The same hard question — in fact, a real-life question — how would you face it when asked again? Avoid it? Stay silent again? Or will you get yourself ready with a solid answer the next time you're asked the same?

There’s a quote that says, “It is good to ask questions about things we do not understand. But be reminded — asking the same question again shows we may be taking things for granted.”

A similar analogy — “It’s okay to make mistakes the first time. Everyone has their first time. But to make the same mistake over and over — the shame is on ourselves.”

Life decision-making sometimes feels like answering past year exam papers. No doubt, the questions are different each year. But the major structure of the paper remains the same — the tested concepts and knowledge areas are more or less repeated.

Even though the past paper comes from someone else’s life, it still gives you valuable insight into how to prepare for your own “life examination.” So, there was no loss in the time spent. It was not wasted — you exchanged that time to gain insight from someone else's past exam, while also gaining awareness of the exam you're about to face in your own life.

This post has been edited by Cisne: Jul 3 2025, 10:08 AM

Thanks for sharing the summary of yr love letter with us. Let me tell u something... U may think that writing letters is cringey but it actually sets u apart from most guys in modern dating. Why? Coz some guys would rather appear nonchalant n put in as little effort as they can when pursuing girls. I hope that this experience won't demotivate u from putting the same amount of effort in pursuing other girls in future. The right girl will definitely know how to appreciate yr efforts. Always remember that rejection is God's redirection.

I am a letter writer. If can I want tk write to my girl.

1 A4 = 8 A7

So 15 pages of A7 is about 2 A4 pages

Oh my goodness I apologize for that. You've seen through me with just a few comments 😂 I totally flipped the size of paper lol. In my mind as the number is smaller it's smaller and the number is bigger then it's bigger lol. Thank you for the clarification hahahaha.

And wow I did not expect to view it in that perspective. Thank you so much. I'm still learning wow. Thank you so much for your wisdom. Totally agree with what you've said. The more I read the better I feel. This is amazing 🫠 this really gave me a new perspective.

Amen 🙏🏻
Well, probably it's because the culture on dating has changed so much that things are just "easier" for people now. And many took granted of it. Imagine 30-40 years ago how people could connect with each other. Only letters, therefore people in the past appreciate time spend together. I'm not saying now people don't, it's just that many had taken things for granted with such each access with the help of technology 🫠
Originally I wanted to send a long message. But I decided on a letter instead. I forgot the ain reason but yeah, this is the result haha.
And Indeed, a friend and the internet told me the same.
"Sometimes failure is God’s protection, and success is His preparation. Trust the process."
My mind is getting clearer day by day. It could be just what it is.
Thank you so much 🙌🏻

Ramiade! You definitely should write to your girl 😂 I mean why not.


Silver hawk...I totally mistaken the sizes of paper omg. Hahahahaha but oh wow... Only 2 A4 pages 🫠 I guess 15 is really long 😂 I'm not really sure how much she read cause her ex kinda kept it away and who knows how much he read or disposed of. Oh Well It ain't my problem anymore HAHA

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1BuvyVMpjM/

[attachmentid=11515564]

I saw this post in FB after reading about TS post days earlier. I though maybe this applies to his situation.

This post has been edited by AbbyCom: Jul 3 2025, 09:02 PM


Attached thumbnail(s)

Ooooouuuppphhhh
That really hits the nail on the head. Straight up truth and facts. Really applies.
Probably a 50/50 for me. But definitely 100% for the lady as she's just broken up with her ex due to cheating. And I just happened to be there.
I should save this for later 😂
Thank you my man 🙏🏻

Edit: but the trails of wreckage is 100% on both sides lol. Truly such a sad thing to see everyday in nowadays age...

This post has been edited by forlowyat1: Jul 3 2025, 09:52 PM

I totally agree with u on this part. Now guys can just easily send a good morning/ good night text to 50 different girls 🤣And when I see couples dining together, they'd rather play with their phones than talk to each other 😅

Yeah that's totally stupid. Like why would you even go on dates if you'd end up using your phones. I've experienced a few that were like that, I quickly finished whatever we were doing and left 😅

That's why some ppl suggest coffee dates for first dates. But there are also ppl who would argue that coffee dates are too low effort from the man's side. It's like he's not trying to make the date special at all 🤷🏻‍♀️🙈

This post has been edited by parisiansky: Jul 4 2025, 01:38 PM

I never do any fancy dates. Just sushi zanmai or fish bowl or salad atelier

Yeah I would agree with ramjade on this one.

This post has been edited by forlowyat1: Jul 4 2025, 04:14 PM

First dates shouldnt be high effort. I also prefer first dates to be coffee dates.

Also no pick up. And at shopping centres, easy to go and leave.

2nd and 3rd dates, if it happen, I will up the ante.

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Jul 5 2025, 07:55 AM

If she cannot accept my lifestyle of being frugal, sorry she is not the one for me.

There are more than one way to show effort. Going on expensive dates is just being materialistic..

You can show effort by traveling to see her, hear her out, cuddle and do nothing, cook for her, indulge her with her favourite food every now and then, always make time for her.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 6 2025, 07:53 AM

Are they really people who argue that?! Well thanks, no wonder I found my bf relatively easily.... The others lowering the bar for me lol

Half joke aside, I agree that the first dates don't and should not mean much. It's literally meeting a stranger who's more than likely not to work out, why make it even harder than it already is? There's so many more other ways to make memories...

For example on my 3rd meetup with my now-bf, we had a dinner and were strolling nearby after. I tripped on an uneven surface and he was frantically waving his arms around but keeping social distance with me, I could almost hear his thoughts, "OMG DO I CATCH HER WHEN SHE FALLS BUT WHAT IF I 'HARASS' HER"

He sure scored a lot of brownie points that night, it's one story I like to tell others what we had for dinner and how much was it? Don't remember and I don't care.

@men: not all ladies appreciate social distancing. I'm generally conservative with platonic friends (including potentials) so I find physical intimacy before officiating the relationship too much for me. I know this is untrue for some ladies and they might even find you playing safe as a turn-off.

Lol thanks for sharing this interesting story with us. For a min there, I thought u went out with him during the pandemic when u mentioned "social distancing" 🤣 Regarding physical contact, it's indeed a tricky issue. Some guys just wanna play safe whereas some girls might assume he's not interested in her. This is the reason why rship coaches advise girls to break the touch barrier first if they're interested in the guy like touching his arm.

That was in 2021 so it was still during the pandemic where there were months we couldn't meet up and had to use discord to watch/play stuff together and awkward video calls where we'd accidentally show off my nose hairs..

Yeah I agree it's indeed more socially appropriate that the ladies play a bigger part in breaking the physical barrier, otherwise it can be risky for men as they may not be aware their attempt for intimacy may be seen as harassment by the potential partner.

Ah, modern courtship — a delicate dance of timing, tone… and unspoken telepathy. 🔮
Initiate too soon, and you’ve overstepped.
Wait too long, and you were never interested.

Somewhere between “too much” and “too passive” lies a window you were supposed to see — without being told.
No signs, no signals, no certainty.
Just vibes. And intuition.

Don't know we are supposed to pity the man or the woman?

Right...human interactions are so complicated nowadays 🫠

I pity the men who are trying to find that window.
I pity the women whose windows are not respected; it's scary to freeze in the moment.

Pity more the simps. So much effort, with nothing in return.

go and initiate since you have known her quite sometime. its better than hanging there =)

Pity to those still seeking the Way…
Some ancient wisdom reverberated…
“Human is alive, not dead; alive is flexible, not rigid.”
“The living bend… the lifeless resist.”

When alive, the body is soft and light…
When dead, it stiffens, locked in tight.
Living plants are filled with sap and breath…
Dead ones crumble, dry in death.
The hard and rigid walk with death…
The soft and yielding follow life's path.

Whether this age will see the sign
Depends on hearts and will, in time.
The good news is… we grow and feel…
And wounds may close, and spirits heal.
To those still searching, slow or fast…
May their moment bloom… before the season shifts.

I can assure you, when you are feeling doubts and lack of confidence, its your conscience telling you that you will get rejected, that's true.

When you feel confident and you know you have the girl you won't be feeling what you are feeling now.

I think she's using you to get to her ex or other guys.

Agreed 💯
Sometimes the gut feeling is just amazing lol.
And yeah I definitely see it clearly now that I'm just being used for a moment. Damn.
Still it's a great experience to me personally. And I'm glad I let it go completely already 😌

Even in marriage
husband and wife uses each other
so by definition it's not a bad interpretation
If a girl uses you as emotional tampon, there has to be a boundary even though if you had too much time listening to her problems

If you have expectations of trying to be her boyfriend or getting laid, you're bound to have disappoinment. A lot of times we execute plans without even thinking in future cause the quality of future moments depends on current quality of the action.

but at times you also need to be aware, that the gut feeling can be tainted by bad past experiences.

for eg, i know a friend who almost missed an opportunity due to past break ups, he thought that the girl he liked rejected him.

but truth was he was too hurt to go further. With a bit of prodding, he finally mustered to ask the girl again despite being rejected before. She said yes, and from that day onwards he is married to her.

not easy to let go