Then next time how should I gauge frm the guy if he sees me as a fren or still wants to continue dating me after the 1st date?

I don't think there's any foolproof way to know since everyone is different.

It's fair to drop someone if you're not feeling the vibe, but I feel a single date is a bit too early to tell, unless there's something that really turned you off? Some people may need more time to warm up before comfortable in showing their true self (the good or bad). Who knows!

I know and it's not helping matters that I'm am overthinker who keeps on thinking every guy out there is going to waste my time eventually. I really dunno what to with all these stupid thoughts.

Relationship cultivation/building — I'm afraid there's no shortcut.

It’s just like learning you need to allocate time to study and grow. The same applies to relationships. A strong and genuine relationship cannot be built without the investment of time. Through that time, we experience both the good and the bad in the other person. We begin to appreciate their strengths, admire their values, and gradually learn to accept their flaws and weaknesses.

Without the passage of time, none of this deeper understanding can occur. If you believe there’s a shortcut or faster way — humanity has been trying for thousands of years, and yet the truth remains: there is no substitute for time.

If you're still in doubt, consider this simple observation:
Would you be more willing to follow a leader within your organization who has groomed you, instilled values in you, and fought for your growth over the years —
or someone hired externally, who issues instructions without knowing your personal strengths, weaknesses, or working style? In my experience, 10 out of 10 people would prefer to follow the one who invested in them — not the latter.

This analogy holds true for male-female relationships as well: just as it takes time for trust and rapport to develop between leader and subordinate, it takes time for a relationship to mature. With this in mind, "time" is not an optional ingredient. Like it or not, you must spend it.

Now, if you already know you can’t save time — only use it — then why worry about someone “wasting” your time? Do you have a better alternative? No, you don’t.

You're left with three options:

Option A: You worry about wasting time and do nothing — but time will pass anyway.

Option B: You try, spend time, but don’t find the right person — and time still passes.

Option C: You try, spend time, and eventually find the right one — and yes, time passes just the same.

Among these three, none can stop time from passing.
But if you try, at least there's a chance you’ll end up with Option C.
If you do nothing but worry, your chances of success drop to zero.

So don’t overthink. Focus only on what’s within your control and give it your best. The outcome, if beyond your control, is fate.
And if Heaven wants us to walk a certain path, who are we to defy Heaven’s instruction?

Thanks for giving so many good advice 👍 I guess I'll be OK with spending with those ppl.

1. You say explain, but did you give him the chance to? I don't know how your conversation after the first date went, but if you rejected him before he replied anything at all, there wasn't any chance then.
2. Not everyone is open to share their weaknesses. Maybe he never thought of telling you that because he feared judgement/"deducted points".
3. You are an option. What did you expect from a first date from dating app?

Continuing point 3 above, there's some entitlement from your end. You can reject him but he cannot even "agree to be rejected"? What have you contributed to make him not to give up on you easily? You're not in a relationship yet to "demand" anything.

Even in a relationship, I think it's a constant learning curve to read your partner's mind. I used to hate mind reading but I realised it's so fun to successfully guess what he's thinking or when we clicked on something without saying a word.

I'll give a radical suggestion, it'll be way out of your comfort zone but maybe that may spur a change

Message him back and apologise for jumping the gun, explain that you confided in someone who pointed out the possibility that he was shy/nervous/awkward, hence the change in vibes. (And ask if he really was?)

Fat chance you ain't getting anything back and worst case, you get ghosted/blocked. But, I think there's a slim chance, just maybe, that he was slightly interested so might agree to a 2nd round and maybe with this honest exchange, something may feel different. Hear each other out about your feelings without judgement, maybe with this honest exchange you might learn something new. If you want to increase your chance then treat him on 2nd round lo.

Caveat: only do this if your gut feeling determined he's a sane/normal guy. Someone crazy might take revenge/humiliate you.

Why do this? Well, mainly is to humour me lol kind of an experiment to see how things will go. Personally I did things way out of character and learned from the outcomes and also my own feelings what I dis/like, and there I was able to change for the better (or at least what it means to be me version that I'd like).

I'm also like you on the points above but i've made some changes in my life. During the chats before the first meet up, see if you can align the major life values and what both are looking from the chat.

Like many pointed out on the first date, he could be nervous (and you may be), so if there is something unique you see in him, give it 1-3 dates to gauge.

On the point that he is chatting with another girl, nothing is wrong until the exclusivity topic is brought up (a few dates later). Both are still strangers on the first date.

Asking him to be friends, is a clear sign you're not interested, so naturally he will just agree and it ends there.

Man... I can't believe I actually let u talk me into doing this but yeah I sent him a long heartfelt msg but he didn't reply 🤣 Life indeed is not like a romantic movie where 2nd chances are being given so easily.

This post has been edited by parisiansky: Jun 3 2025, 12:52 PM

If a guy wants to keep seeing you he is interested.
If undecided after first date, can ask for second one.

I used to be the one wanting to date for 10x before making it official until I meet a girl where we dated like 4x then I ask her to be official.

Normally how do you feel after the first date, then what's his action after the first date, did he follow up with you?, if both of you enjoyed each other you would like to see each other again.


My case is different, not every guy like me. Normally guys 2-3 dates can find out for themselves.


My previous case on 3rd date, i confessed, then kena rejected

I know u're using dating apps too. How/when do u decide that it's time for u to stop swiping on other girls? I know for some guys, it's never enough. They'll keep wondering if there are better girls out there that they haven't swiped on. I have this thought coz I keep seeing the same guys appearing on those dating apps. It's either they're too greedy or there's something wrong with them.

It takes time to really get to know someone
by settling down quickly with someone (I met a girl on first date, she said she wanted to get married within 6 months and she's just in her mid 20s)

Is she high value aka traditional woman?
maybe
but when you hang out with a person
only time and intuition will tell whether he or she suitable for you
unspokenly people sense something could be wrong if you try to not overanalyze every single detail(s)

Honestly I seldom go on first dates coz normally I'd filter the guys on phone calls first. For my previous 1st dates, it's either I felt immediate sparks or I felt neutral.

Do u normally feel nervous during the 1st date?

You ignore the fact that most sexes have defense mechanism
by she claiming to be friends, it doesn't mean anything proper

Nope not anymore. Been playing the app for quite awhile, first date usually meeting up with stranger , double confirm she looks more or less the same from app. I don't put high hope on first date normally.

When you are official just stop swiping. Continue swiping can be tiring.

I am a very weird person. I go by checklist. I don't go by looks or chemistry. If the girl have what I want on my checklist then I will continue seeing her. I call it my non negotiables. You must have a set of non negotiable. Cannot have too many. I limit it to 6 only.

I date to marry. Not date for fun. So I need to see if she got what it takes to be a good wifey and good mother. Always ask yourself what to you date for? Fun, companionship, sex, marriage? Keep in mind some guys not serious. They like the feel of the chase.

You can always search but, yes there will always be better one but need to ask yourself is the one in front good enough or you want more. I had my answer already. She is good enough. Most important for me is she is frugal. That's my most important criteria.

Looking like the person is one thing. I check their background to see if they are telling the truth about their job.

Same here. I never put any hopes into the first date/meeting. I always expected to be rejected. Make my life easier.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jun 3 2025, 02:34 PM

For me, I have no problem with deciding when I should stop scrolling. It's the guy that I'm seeing that worries me. Yeah he could promise me that he'll stop using dating apps once we're official but you'll never know if he still continues swiping on not just one but several other apps. This is probably 1 of the cons of dating the person that u knew frm dating apps.

What are you worried about?
It's not like the people you meet in real life you could guarantee them never use dating app for the first time or even go flower port secretly behind your vision

texting, video/voice call and meet in person is so difference.
some may good in texting and video/voice call, but may not also good in conversation during face to face.

when face to face, ppl is able to see/feel/notice/sense our facial expression, body language, and our emotion at that moment beside the verbal message whether is acceptance or rejection.

is a waste of time, that’s actually a very subjective, is might takes more than one meeting to understand if someone is truly compatible

Just do something else in your life besides dating.