So I got to know this guy frm a dating app n we've been chatting with each other for the past 1 week via texts. Eventually he asked me to meet up but I told him that I wanted to talk to him on the phone first to familiarise myself with him. We had great chemistry on the phone with a lot of bantering n we flirted a bit. Based on these good vibes, I thought it'd be OK to meet up with him.

However, the energy totally shifted during our 1st date... It felt more like a friendly meet-up. I felt no sparks at all n the way he talked to me gave me a platonic feeling. He's told me that he's an introvert so I'm not sure whether he was shy, nervous or just wasn't into me at all. And somehow I also got the "ick" when he told me that he's in a talking stage with another girl. I do understand that we're free to talk to other ppl but I couldn't help feeling that way.

So that night I asked him if we're better off being friends since his energy had shifted. Then he told me he's normally like that when he's meeting new ppl. Finally he told me that we should just be friends. Was he wasting my time or he wanted to take his time to get to know me better?

Dating apps
Love scam
Love scam pacel

I'll use some analogy / metaphor from the other aspect to reply.

In the investment world, no rational investor enters a position expecting to lose. Each move is strategic — based on available data and anticipated return. Dating is no different — you already weighed the risk versus reward before deciding to meet up.

You had good early indicators: engaging text conversations, strong phone chemistry. Based on that, you made a calculated decision to proceed.

The outcome didn’t align with expectations — not because either party was malicious, but because the in-person energy revealed something the pre-meeting signals couldn’t predict.

He told you he’s introverted, and perhaps he is — or perhaps he simply wasn’t aligned. Regardless, he clarified his position, and you both moved on. That’s not wasted time. It’s real-time data acquisition.

Not every investment yield profit. But even a loss sharpens your next decision. Emotional overreaction distorts decision-making. Keep what you learned, discard the rest, and reallocate your emotional capital wisely.

Hello if you don't feel it. And he told you, let's be friends.

Let's move on bah, besides you just are less than 1 month. It's very normal

It's normal you're on guarded
you've to accept everybody has different energy across different hours even days.

Someday you could vibe a lot
Someday you just want to be logical and get to businesses

people still progress on the relationship as long they still see each other. The label itself has not much meaning

TS

Care to explain why you feel platonic vibes?

Was he too reserved? Or talk too much? Or talk boring things?

Or the way he treats you at the date?

Or maybe its his physical appearance?

When we were talking on the phone, he was very lively, cheeky n flirty but when we met in person he became slightly serious n didn't flirt at all. Really felt like I was talking to a friend.

I forgot to mention that we had a 10 min video call after talking on the phone that day so if he was OK with our video call interaction, why was he acting that way during our date? I'm really confused n the reason I posted this is coz I need to know what precautions I need to take to ensure that this won't happen again when I talk to other guys in future.

This was totally out of my expectation coz I've already done all the necessary vibe check prior to the date.

How did he bring up this statement? Did you ask or did he "announce" it on his own?

Depending on the context, his intention may come off differently...
A) he announced to imply he's "in demand".
B) you asked so he simply just answered
C) the conversation just flowed naturally, he thought he'd tell you as an honest person

Well, you already crossed him off your list, so he's just agreeing to stay friends. Rejection from a side easily turns mutual because it's a total turnoff to a neutral impression.

"Serious" to me was reflection of how he treated the relationship, I don't think that was a bad thing. I guess you were thrown off by the 180° vibe change -- I don't think he meant to deceive or anything malicious... Tbh it really just sounded like maybe he wanted to show a prim and proper self or he was just really socially awkward.

I don't think any precaution is needed because like was nihility said, you can do all your prep work to anticipate, and the reality will still surprise you every time, for better or worse. I do think maybe you can shift your mindset a little: be more open/accepting to one's awkwardness, as long as the honest intentions are there. Give people time to get over their own awkwardness.

Thanks for offering so many insights on this. It didn't cross my mind that he might feel awkward during our date coz he came off really confident during the phone call.

And I thought that he'd explain to me abt the 180° vibe change when I told him that our chemistry was a bit "off" during the date. But in a way, it also shows how he serious he was abt me. Coz if he was actually serious, he'd explain to me that he was feeling nervous/awkward and that we should give each other more time to get to know one another.

The reason I acted this way is coz in the past, i had gone on 1st dates that never progressed to 2nd dates so I really didn't wanna waste my time on this guy if all I got was platonic vibes. Plus he's still in a talking stage with another girl. So the whole time I was thinking why am I being made an option?

2 possibilities:

1. He finally met you in person and didnt like what he sees

2. He screwed up on the first date. Pretty common also. Could be nervousness, inexperience.

He finally met you in person and didnt like what he sees - > He saw me during our brief vid call. If he didn't like what he saw, he could have cancelled the date so this might not the reason. Very likely it's the 2nd possibility coz he's told me that he only has 2 exes so far.

you've to accept things will not go along your way
there are many reasons why the person appears nervous
if people nervous, chances are yourself are also nervous
people mirror one another
you cannot say it's entirely his fault

Some guys are just extra shy and awkward during the first physical meeting.

I've had my fair share of such experiences. Guys are more natural, at ease, and expressive in online chats and video calls, but they get quieter in real life when they meet the women they like. They do get extra self-conscious and spend more time listening and observing than talking.

I suppose you like him a lot, and hence, you expect him to behave the same online and offline. However, from his POV, he may just be feeling uneasy on the first date. Flirting with a non-GF-yet in real life does take some guts, especially if he's an introvert.

observe and see how things go..
not all dates had fruiful results..

If u think its the second, isnt it too hasty to give up on just one date?

TS, normally guy find you interested and we go pursue for it.

Your case, from a guy perspective , when he said let's be friend , i am gonna say first date went wrong.

Most of the time, i presumed He also has not much interested in you.

(He could be shy)(You are gonna find out)


Hey i know you you posted on my thread. Go focus on yourself, loving yourself should always the be priority.

This post has been edited by Mr.Ballz: Jun 2 2025, 01:57 AM

Don't u think he gave up on me easily when he agreed that we should be friends?

From your explanation, it seems that you're the one who brought up the "just be friends" topic first? There's a possibility he took that as a sign of rejection and just agreed since he can't force you to like him.

Still, if you want to give this a chance, just be direct and ask him about the situation instead of double guessing each other. I'm sure he'll appreciate it. There's nothing to lose, right?

We have already stopped talking to each other lol

Welp, case closed I guess lol! Best not to bring up the friendship topic the next time because that's like a very common rejection excuse and can be easily misinterpreted.