Had a random thought again. My ex and admirers previously told me how some girls pursued and seduced them. They accepted some, but didn’t like others.

What I noticed was that their feelings for the women who pursued them weren’t as deep as when they pursued women (in this case, me).

So, I asked them why.

My ex said he was a gentleman, so he just accepted girls he felt were okay.

The analyst guy said he accepted out of curiosity but didn’t take things further.

The finance guy said it was for fun, and he didn’t have any intentions of getting serious with them.

*

It makes me think...

While most men claim that they'd love to be desired and pursued by women, but...

If a woman pursues a man only to receive his partial affection or half-hearted/zero commitment, then why should she pursue him unless she doesn’t mind?

In my case, all three of them pursued me and were quite serious and persistent, so I tend to think that maybe...
In general, it’s better for men to initiate the pursuit, and women can give the greenlight afterward.

What do you guys think?

This post has been edited by Ralna: Mar 4 2025, 01:31 AM

Consider a few things.

Being more persistent and serious doesn't ensure a long lasting relationship. I think what's more important these days is a relationship that lasts.

Second. Men pursuing women is probably a recent phenomenon if you consider the whole history of homo sapiens. The powerful men in the past got all the girls without even trying. Romance has only been introduced with mass media.

No conclusions. Just thoughts

This post has been edited by Sihambodoh: Feb 27 2025, 12:47 AM

You may also consider your ex, analyst or admirers were just trying to say something you want to hear without deep thoughts, your man might pick their word carefully so they don't trigger unwanted harm to your feelings although they know you might be able to accept it.

Dun generalise and stereotype, guy can see if the girl like him or not, if the girl not interest, the guy won't chase the girl non-stop and crazy love her like a mad dog either. Nothing wrong with girls take initiative also

This post has been edited by heinlein: Feb 27 2025, 08:07 AM

Men pursue women effort is double
Women just need less half of effort to achieve the goal.

i dont think its any different if the genders were reversed. Women also can give the exact same excuses as men.

I like to know that woman is pursuing me. It tells me that she wants me. Very clear signal. Rather than I do all the job and no response from her.

The golden rule is the woman signals, the man approaches. In other words, the woman creates opportunity for the man but the man still needs to take the first step forward. Think of the handkerchief drop move that ladies used to do. A gentleman would pick it up and give it back to her, and thus allow for conversation to happen. If she doesn't like the man she can play it off, and thus both sides save face.

As for why would a woman pursue, either she's highly dominant (so the guy has to be submissive) or she's just shooting her shot to get a guy way above her league. Its more common than you'd think. This is also why most men are not serious with such women; not only is their social status lower, but giving herself up like that also signals that she herself isn't picky and thus the guy won't feel "chosen".

Good point there. Romance in relationships or marriage was only introduced after the 18th century.

I guess the male-to-female ratio plays a part too. In Malaysia or countries where there are more males than females, men need to compete for local women.

On the other hand, in countries with more females than males, women pursue men.

In such cases, most men would give it a try to see if it works?

The girl who is pursuing me, I know she is interested. Tested her few times and she passed my test. So I don't mind her pursuing her. Of course can't let her do all the work. I also need to put in my own effort.

Legit point.

To further add, my ex did say he was turned off by women who were too easy.

Me: but free sex for you? you don't want meh?

Ex: I'm not desperate. I have class ok. & I don't know what disease those women have.


& you're right about men wanting to feel they're chosen, not preyed upon by women.

Can you elaborate?

Like, what is considered a pursuit by women?

Does it mean a girl come to you, ask you out, want to get to know you, or ask you to consider a relationship?

And if she passes your test, does that mean you pursue her by asking her out the next time? Or do you start messaging her more often?

(I've never pursued men first, so I don’t really know how it works. )

This post has been edited by Ralna: Feb 27 2025, 10:33 PM

Well she make plans to see me. Ask me when is my off days. Try to meet me on all my off days.

She lean in to while we are sitting. Giving me the last bite. Willing to come to me even though I offered to come to her.

I think that's it. I have never been pursued by a woman so this is my first time.

Wow~~ Congrats! hehe... must be a good feeling for you then.

It is. She did told me, I hope you would pick me and I think I she is right. I am going to pick her as she passed all my test.

I don't care if she didn't initiate the pursue as most important for me is she can pass my test.

She pursuing is just bonus for me.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Feb 27 2025, 11:52 PM

everyone would be turned off when things are easily available

same goes for women when a guy becomes so easily available to the woman he is chasing.

u can look at some threads here as an example posted by other TS where they sought for opinion. And from there, some would pointed out that they became a doormat for the woman they are chasing. Hence, the lost of interest.

To your friend's example, probably it's all about how the woman approached your friend. If she made herself so easily available to your friend, then the guy would not appreciate it.

On the other hand, if a woman subtly and slowly courted the guy, probably the guy would feel differently.

So, i believe there's no difference on which gender initiates the courtship, it just depends on how they make themselves so easily available.

This post has been edited by Blofeld: Feb 28 2025, 08:45 AM

point of view from a "shy" guy here.

im an attractive guy, albeit a shy one.
so for many women, who usually is approached by guys easily, when it comes to me, they dont have the normal reaction.
they start thinking why their charms doesnt work on me?
they start feeling im hard to get, im a challenge. i become more and more interesting and attractive to them.

my experiences are, they are gonna start being aggressive, especially those beautiful ones.
i give 10 real life examples (with a few different girls)
1) putting on the song "Kiss Me" in the car while saying she wanted to kiss me ever since the first date
2) asking which bed/mattress to get because we are gonna "use" it together
3) when i wondered how does a person with tongue piercing kiss, offers to give me a French kiss
4) Asking me to go vacation with her, just the 2 of us ( she even has a boyfriend )
5) Asking me to contact her partner thru a website because the partner is looking for a threesome with a stranger. i cant tell her partner i know her.
6) Gave hints about how nice to stay at this hotel nearby. How she wants to try staying. when i didnt do anything (like get a room there) she leaned over and whispered, "if u dont have money for the hotel, i will pay for us". She did.
7) when in a room together, suddenly feels hot and take off clothes (it is airconditioned, i felt cold actually)
8) when in a room together, instead of going to a more private area to wipe herself with a wet towel (it was in summer) she purposely wipe herself while revealing her sexy body to me. happened in a staff rest room.
9) when going to toilet to "freshen up" purposely go on top of me (cowgirl style) to get to the other side of the bed. she can easily get down on her side of the bed.
10) telling her other friends that she really really likes me when im like standing nearby and obviously can hear what she says.

well, these are my real life experiences. u guys wanna belip or not, i dont care. just sharing, if it can help someone out there.

i dont purposely "jual mahal" or hard to get, but im easily embarassed when put in these situations.
im a shy guy.
when another guy would have "ngappp!" and seal the deal, i would be shy and embarrassed, prompting the girl to tease, seduce me instead.

so what i can say is, given the "chance", even girls can make the first move / pursue first.
usually men pursue first because they took the chance or create the chance.

personally it's about connection, it doesn't matter who persue who. if there is no connection, the relationship will die off

back to your questions:



it depends on who you meet, if you believe in Karma, it's take a few life time to meet your spouse and the rest is up to you and spouse to work it out

nowadays capable women either live independently or pursue man of her choice, time has changed

The FIRE/ frugality test?

Just curious what tests.