Back in 2022 (after my Nth breakup with the same ex), we met through a mutual friend who felt we were incredibly compatible. She said talking to him was like talking to me. I later joined his events and coaching programme, and we met in person.

Our first meet-up was intense. We talked about life, philosophy, God, consciousness, energy, spiritual growth, etc., for two hours. I felt his eyes locked on me with strong interest and awe, while I was amazed by his depth and wisdom. Our mutual friend said there were sparks everywhere.

Before we ended the conversation, he said to me, "Although I am sick, I still came to see you because I wanted to meet you. I feel you were sent to cross paths with me."

I felt the same way.

*

Our second meet-up was for his birthday. My friend and I treated him to lunch, and I gave him a terrarium and a handwritten card with my cursive writing. He loved my gift.

After lunch, he suggested we go to a dessert shop he liked, so we went. He bought an expensive dessert (a set of different glasses with various flavours), and we started eating dessert from the same glasses... while talking about his favourite topics on spirituality.

My friend was there, but she excused herself to the toilet and returned really late (good friend! haha~). I could see him getting shy as he became aware of what was happening, but we just smiled and blushed a bit.

*

In the following weeks of coaching, since it involved inner work, I cried a few times, and my tears seemed to bother him deeply. In the end, he prematurely terminated our coaching sessions when he realised his feelings for me were growing.

He told my friend he couldn't be around me anymore because I affected him so much. Then he came to full awareness and asked, "Does she like me?"

My friend: What do you think?

Then he blushed and struggled hard with his emotions... until he fell sick for days with a high fever and eventually shut down his entire coaching programme two months later.

Our relationship didn't happen because he had deep issues with past rejection from women and had previously sworn to be a "monk" (celibate) for life... but then he met me... someone who walked into his heart unexpectedly... 

*

Fast forward a year later, another mutual friend tried to matchmake us again. She felt we were still very compatible. LOL.

Fast forward two years later, he did his inner work, somehow healed from his past wounds, and started wanting a girlfriend again... so...

But it's too late... I've already developed feelings for the analyst guy now...

We haven't talked for five months since the fallout caused by his confusing behaviour, giving me mixed signals (as discussed in my previous thread last Sept). He initiated and cancelled dates many times because he was shy, nervous, and inexperienced around me. This is possibly his first time falling in love, being a total V.

However, recently, he started sending signals of wanting to reconnect by posting some video reels that held meaning for me, so I understood what he was hinting at, and I subtly responded again... over the past few weeks...

First, I responded with a music video and a love emoji, with specific lyrics that corresponded to his own chosen lyrics.

Second, I posted some poetic and cryptic messages that only he could decode based on our past interactions. I posted them publicly on my Facebook, but my friends had no idea what they meant. Only he understood. Then he'd go offline to process for days.

Third, I posted a video of me singing "I'll Never Break Your Heart" by Backstreet Boys, and later, "Casablanca" by Bertie Higgins. Yes, I have a sweet, soothing voice, and I sing well.

Fourth, I sent him a Valentine's Day message to break the silence, wishing him well and saying I'd write to him soon.

Fifth, I sent him a letter in PDF, written with affection and decorated with background images of leaves and flowers for a romantic feel.

Sixth, I sent him a beautifully designed birthday wish with sincere thoughts.

Seventh, I created a special album for him on Facebook. I included two love songs and a JPop birthday song for him.

Eighth, I posted a confession poem and a romantic oldie called "I Have A Crush On You" by Ella Fitzgerald publicly on my FB.

Ninth, I sent him another text image, letting him know the FB album was specially for him, and that whenever I missed him, I would post something in the album. (Yes, my intention is to create a collection of affectionate memories for him. ) I also told him I would write to him once or twice a month, either letters or voice messages... and that we'd take our time to explore this reconnection, let our feelings flow, and allow the future to unfold itself...

*

So, you see, it's not about sex. It's about creating an emotional value ladder that allows him to feel my layers of emotions, affection, intention, and creating that undercurrent of anticipation through old-fashioned romance that he truly enjoys. It makes him feel the heart that's put into all of this, providing emotional safety and reassurance, allowing him to work through his inner issues and be ready for a relationship... his first relationship.

This is my kind of pursuit and romance. I seriously hate using sex to seduce a man. To me, sex should be precious and valuable, not used as a cheap tactic that caters to the lower body of a man.

I want him to fall in love with me—first with his heart (to feel for me), then with his mind (to commit to me), and lastly, with his body (to be loyal to me).

A man who gives only his body, but not his heart and mind, isn't a man I want.

To me, a man's body is easy to get, but his heart and mind... that's the hard part, especially if he's a high-value man or in the top 5% of the social hierarchy.

*

As for why I choose him... it's because he's a man who has quietly loved me for many years. He's known me since 2012 and has been on my FB ever since. While he remembers me and says we've known each other for a long, long time, I seriously don't have a clear recollection of him. I feel familiar and comfortable around him. We must have met before, but I just couldn't recall when.

He waited for years for me to be single again (my previous relationship lasted eight years!), and he pursued me two days after my breakup. Then he waited for another few months for me to heal emotionally. I thought he had moved on because I didn't talk to him for months, but he persisted despite the loneliness and uncertainties.

Although I was initially confused by his mixed signals at first (he told me he was losing control of himself and couldn't meet, cancelling dates frequently until I was frustrated), I now think he deserves the best of me. He stayed celibate his whole life just to give his body and his first love to a woman (i.e., me).

He didn’t have to do this, given his looks and accomplishments as an internationally known expert in his field and the hordes of women he attracts, but he did. So, I want to reciprocate, reward him, and see where things go between us.

As a woman, I definitely love it when a man pursues me and shows his utmost sincerity, instead of treating me like one of his spare tyres in his phonebook.

We were so hot and intense with each other that he felt like he was losing control, so he withdrew to cool down. This upset me because, having just gone through a painful breakup, his withdrawal made me feel "abandoned" and "unwanted." Even though his need to balance himself was valid, it felt like salt being rubbed into an open wound in my heart.