Ah, then you're using the platform for matchmaking purpose. It's not sugar-dating if you're looking for genuine relationship and emotional connection.

Maybe youre right. I am using the platform for matchmaking and not sugar dating . The thing about these platform is that there is always better choice and prettier girls. How do i control the temptation.

Not trying to advertise anyone, but recently tantan is loaded with crazy hot babes. Now i am tempted. I know is not right, but how should i get away and what should i do?

I am not chatting up with new girls just the previous older matches before i get with my girl. Since a lot of the people here told me that just enjoy what I have with my current girl. Should i have contingency plan?

Your question makes me recall the conversations I previously had with several male friends. They used dating apps to flirt with and meet hot and sexy girls, and also paid for sex... and they told me about their lustful adventures. LOL.

Feeling amused, I listened to their stories of meeting different girls via apps or social media, what they did with those college girls or China/Viet/Thai girls or local prostitutes, how much they paid, what services they chose, how they felt, etc. (Yeah, I'm a good listener and open-minded ).

*

As a woman/friend, I don't think I am in a position to tell men what to do, because they know what they are doing.

& Even if I tell them not to do it, they will still do it.

My only concern for them is... what they want versus what they do highly contradict each other. There is a strong dissonance.

What they want: a girlfriend who loves them, supports them, encourages them... then become wife and have family together...

What they do: play with hot chicks and pay for sex

Reason for doing so: Need some women to temporarily fill the void, settle their biological urges, and get rid of boredom and loneliness with some fun while waiting for the right woman to appear.

I think this is a common dilemma among men. Young men, especially, with raging hormones in their body and make them crave for women and sxx.

*

Here's my simplified conversation with a male friend in April 2024. He used dating apps, Telegram, paid for sex and did lots of bad bad naughty naughty stuff...



Years ago, my ex-fiancé was upfront with me about how he used to tackle girls of different nationalities in his younger days. He came to 3 conclusions:

1) Girls who are too easy to get aren't attractive at all, no matter how good looking. He only pursued women who were virgins or had one ex-bf at most.

2) He never paid for sex because he felt it was disgusting to share the same woman with different men. Yeah, the prostitute looked pretty and sexy and got him aroused, but when it was time to do the actual act, his lil head refused and softened. Just yucks, he said. He couldn't do it. He didn't understand why other men could do it.

3) Sex without love is just so empty. Sex with love is the best sex ever.



*

Last month, my new guy shared with me that he never paid for sex. He was highly self-disciplined and DIY only because he didn't wanna get STD or HIV. & if we are to have sxx, I need to get tested first.

Me: Okay... If we reach that stage of intimacy, yeah, I will get myself tested to give you the full assurance... (then he felt happy).

He told me that even when he was offered free sex, with women inviting him over and stripping themselves naked to seduce him, he said he touched la out of curiosity, but he wasn't aroused sexually. He just felt they were so cheapskate, and it was such a huge turn-off. He rejected their advances and went home. He didn't even take off his clothes.

This testifies the Chinese saying... 好男人不用管，坏男人管不了
(meaning: good men don't need to be controlled, while bad men cannot be controlled.)

*

There's a reason these guys whom I date are in the Top 10%: they don't let their lil heads control them and sabotage themselves. Yeah, they play and flirt la, but they won't degrade themselves and their bodies with all sorts of crappy women. They have standards and criteria as to who they allow them into their world, and who can have access to their bodies. Not every woman can sleep with them.

Such good men are so rare nowadays... but they do exist. Most people don't know because... these men won't share much info about themselves with other men, and they also won't share much with just any women.



*

So, for you (and other guys out there reading this), you decide which type of men you want to be and what type of women you want to let into your world.

You either value yourself, or you don't-- and with each choice comes its own pros and cons, short-term and long-term consequences.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Oct 7 2024, 07:06 PM

This is what I've been trying to tell some of the men here, mystery being one of them

Its 2 different games, what they're doing is practising football to get better at badminton.




DIY can only help a certain amount, after that the need for sex becomes a requirement for mental and emotional health. Every guy is different, and being men we can ignore/repress its effects. However it will still manifest in many different ways.


You sure he not ghey ah? His story sounds kinda BS la, especially if he no experience.

hahaha... I like your analogy. Yeah, some men like to play numbers games, while some are highly targeted. Different strategies in courtship.

Yeah, it's true. I do know of repressed men who cracked lots of sex jokes even during business training and writing e-newsletters... and they didn't realise how crude and distasteful it was to their audience.

He's not la. We already had cybersxx together until he ejac. I suspect he has 感情洁癖 (emotional mysophobia/cleanliness OCD)... because when he pursued me, he asked lots of questions about my past relationship and sxx life. I reassured that I had one man only (and it's LDR lehh) AND I never had sxx with other men. The only reason I had sxx with my ex was because we were heading for marriage and ready to have children.

I told him, compared to other women, I was relatively clean with just one man in my 35 years of life, when other women/my peers had already had several bfs or slept around a lot with different men. I wasn't promiscuous... although I could be quite horny and kinky-- but to my male partner only. I would only have one sxx partner at a time because I seriously hated messy relationships and complications. Also, I felt my value as a woman would drop if I had too many men.



OK, back to story, the new guy accepted my answers, and told me he wanted the highest assurance before we had physical sxx, i.e. to get myself tested first. He said even condoms were not good enough for him. He wanted 100% totally safe and clean sex.

When he said these words, my admiration for him increased multifold because he was such a good boy. Such a rarity that deserves to be treasured by a woman who appreciates his value despite the lack of experience. I have respect to such men who are not controlled by their lil heads.

So yeah, some men like their women to be really 'clean and pure'. They don't like 'dirty' women. They don't want to be associated to such women.

In another instance, I do know another guy friend who suppressed his urges until he got married. He'd rather DIY and not touch his gf... even when the gf wanted sex and said it's okay for her. He refused her advances. When they travelled together, he wanted two separate rooms. He was totally v until he got married, and then he felt safe and secure enough to give himself to the gf-turn-wife.

If there's anything common between them, it'll be the fact that both men are highly spiritual/religious, although they practise different religions.

Such men are usually firm with their beliefs and principles... which is a good thing to women. We don't need to worry that they'll womanise and do all sorts of hanky-panky stuff behind our backs.


This post has been edited by Ralna: Oct 8 2024, 02:53 AM

Unfortunately that exists in both genders. But “bad boys/girls”, sugar baby all those are more fun and attractive so they often fall for it. Most often are people that are lack of love from their family and lack of friendship (due to not mingle around often) tends to sink deeeeeeep into the wrong hands, thinking that’s the void to fill. While good guys/girls are “boring” as they prefer to stay at home and not so visible as the players.


One of my close friend had this encounter years before. I was told the story afterwards. (Even that it took me some time to understand why she fall from him despite no physical contact. (As my friend just hinted me they had cyber s*x, instead of saying the word. Shows that I was too innocent lol) Yes, it’s indeed BS when a person is always open to cyber s*x but not willing to meet up. She was charmed by his online presence (they encountered from online dating) and fell for him. But as time goes, she fed up from his bs of toying her around with the push pull game he played on her, not willing to meet up, my friend ended up woke up from the dream and say a f*** y** to him. Left him and search for love again, ended up now happily married with a son.

As for why he does that I have no exact idea as I only heard from the victim pov. It certainly wasn’t gay. It was definitely NOT shy because if he was shy, why would he ok with flashing around his privates to a girl that he hasn’t confirmed a gf? But my hypothesis is he is just gatal but doesn’t want to have physical s*x with random women so cyber it is.

This post has been edited by fearless_kiki: Oct 8 2024, 08:23 AM

Wow...this thread is an eye opener for all the single guys out there

FYI, dating is mean to continue until deathbed to keep relationship alive and kicking. marriage is not end of romance or else it will be end of marriage or somewhere in between

Love your sharing, and your courage to share everything.

Question: you mention you only date the top 10% of the good men, I agree and respect your decision. My question is what quality and characteristic one should have to be deemed a good men. I know is a lot but what is the critical ones. Reason being is that I think i am quite good to a certain extend. But bad in other ways. e.g. I dont drink (never had one sip of alcohol), i dont smoke (never had a puff of anything), I dont gamble (except CNY, thats no choice coz if i do that - no friend), i never go for paid sex (coz like you i believe sex with feelings is the best and i dont like public toilet). I am bad as in I consistently think of having more than 1 girl even if i have 1, and I am into sugar dating (i think, but you clarified that might be not so can ignore that)

Yes i believe DIY can only help to a certain extend, the real thing is for mental and emotional health.

Those people just classless la

I'm actually hinting more towards mental/emotional health. Burn out, depression, panic attacks, etc. The stronger the man, the more he'll shrug it off, but its still there bothering him and sapping his willpower.

I wish the best for you

Porn addiction is a thing, and its making many men not be able to perform with a real woman.

I've heard stories from both sides of it happening. Some of the academic research is also pointing it out. One story someone shared was her partner could not get hard if it was not a recording of her. Do in person, soft/flaccid. Send a video, then hard. Can you imagine how she felt? Needless to say that relationship didn't last long.

Yeah, sxx is a biological need for men. The guy friend whom I chatted in Apr 2024... he said he had to find women because it got really uncomfortable when his needs weren't fulfilled: felt agitated, couldn't focus at work, felt so-not-himself, etc. He just had to release the inner tension, then he'd feel so much better.

As for the new guy... I think he's fighting his feelings for me. He's been such a good boy for so many years... never even smoke, drink nor womanize... and then he meets a bad bad naughty yet deep and intellectual girl whom he feels so tempted to lose his heart and body to... so...

If you asked me the same question when I was in my twenties, I'd define the top 10% of men by their social status, profession, wealth, appearance, personality.

Now... especially after having studied philosophy, my perspectives about men changed in my thirties.



Based on how Stoics define, I now look at men this way:


To me, such a man is among the top 10%. When a man pursues excellence in all aspects of his life, from career to health to studies to relationship to business etc, yet still maintain balance, harmony and humility, he is definitely a successful man to me--- not by worldly definitions, but by the standards of ancient Greek philosophers who lived with much wisdom in their times.

Stoicism began in the early 3rd century BCE, and has left a legacy for thousands of years. It is, indeed, a timeless treasure for humanity... for man to achieve his best and conquer all areas of his life:

The present generations of men are lost, because they do not seek enough wisdom nor are they properly guided by their male role models and predecessors. Younger men are often emasculated or softened by p*rn, addictions, substance abuse, media and other influences.

I think, if ancient Stoics were alive today, they'd probably scoff at how soft the modern men had become... compared to their times. Advancement in technology, but regression in humanity.

As a woman, we are still biologically programmed to admire and respect men who take charge of their own lives and lead/inspire us to become better versions of ourselves too. Sadly, not many men can do so... which is why most women choose to stay single nowadays.



This post has been edited by Ralna: Oct 8 2024, 05:43 PM

Sounds like your standard even higher now...not 10% but top 1% 😉

Good luck

haha... yeah, in a way... because I become more spiritual as I age.

I can like and have liked many men, and I can settle down if I want, but my heart... can belong to only one. I have this innate search for the one man who completes me and can bring me to my next level-- my soul mate.

Contrary to popular beliefs, we can have many soul mates in our whole life. This is why people marry, divorce, re-marry, and ultimately some find their happiness and spend a lifetime together.



I pray to God a lot... and I believe that He will bring me the man whom I love and also loves me.

If the new guy isn't meant for me, it's okay... I know I have done my part... and the next guy will probably be an even better one-- up to God to decide for me. My role is to make myself available, ready to love, and be lovable.

Is not hard. Is just a number game

Keep swiping dating apps everyday consistently

In no time you will have no time to go out with your matched amoi