QUOTE(GambitFire @ Aug 28 2023, 09:53 AM)
Hey all just wanna get some opinion regarding marriage or how does one know if they are ready to tie the knot..my story is below will summarise it to the best I can
I'm a 33 year old dude and I'm currently dating a 30 year old lady..we met on a dating app early last year and have been in a serious relationship for about 1 year now..last month when we are hanging out and talking, the topic of marriage came out..she asked me what is my plan and when do I want to settle down.
Now this marriage topic has been a big problem for me. Previously in my last two relationships whenever this topic comes out and my answer was I don't know, the relationship goes downhill from there. The girl will be like I'm wasting her time and you get the drift..
Now with my current relationship, I'm trying to be more tactful. So I told her I want to get married but I just don't know when like I'm not sure of the timeline. I think she was not happy with my answer and she started saying things like so why are u with me? Don't u feel we are wasting time? Bla bla bla..then she said she needs to rethink about our current relationship and giving me a cold treatment now.
Why does everything have to be about marriage for women? We had a good time together as a couple, we talked, we hangout, we are there for one another and yet that is not enough? Only marriage dictates happiness? I have been having a hard time to address this marriage topic whenever I'm with someone..I just don't know when I will be ready so does that mean I shouldn't date anybody? Is it my fault? Just help a brother out on this? Totally lost on what to do..
If you have no plan = you plan to fail on almost all aspects. Not only relationship.
If I'm the female, I'll not be happy as well. If I'm the father of the daughter, I'll ask female to be decisive because non-decisive male without any plan will not be able to lead the relationship. From your statement, you only see the thing from the your own perspective. 1 sided view is bad & will invite a lot of conflict at the longer horizon.
Getting married doesn't mean the end to the coupling activities. In fact, it is beginning of the relationship journey with the relationship being recognized legally. At least you shows commitment / assurance that you are not wasting her youth / time.
Since she have put forward the discussion on topic, then what is your next action? Are going to plan nothing? 2 failed relationship's of the past have taught you nothing at all? You will not move or progress from here unless you learn the "lesson" the world wanted you to learn in the life.
Why not be open with her. Tell her your concerns? If financially is a concern, will she be willing to compromise on smaller scale of wedding or willing to work for common goal ?. Willing to commit >>> then those running away / chicken out.
Make a plan / goal - 2~3 years, commit to buy rent house / buy house ? Will she be ok with the option? within the next 5 years target to marry ?
If all these scare the hell out of you & you are not able to put the effort into it, then better don't be in this relationship.
This post has been edited by nihility: Aug 29 2023, 07:36 AM