Good to hear you are doing you best to cope. Your 1 meal is it lunch? Maybe try to have a warm drink for breakfast too. Keeps your body going.

Okay bro. Whenever you are ready.

So u banggala ur thread got till 21pages?

Either breakfast or lunch. But I have a lot of ice black coffee throughout the whole day.
Everyone said I look like I'm sick but I have to lie saying my ACL hurts after surgery cannot sleep well. Haih

I see. Don't feel pressured Bro. Get better one step at a time at your pace.

This post has been edited by V429: Nov 13 2019, 12:30 AM

Why bangga like that?

Yeah. Thanks bro.
Appreciate your advise. Slowly but surely.

Gosh it's so hard at night when all memories, worry and past come flowing through your mind.

Hey Bro, so far so good? How was sleep yesterday night? Anxiety attacks still happen?

Last night I slept okay. Got a few hours of sleep but its enough. Just open some worship instrumental song to calm me down.

But today in office I just had a breakdown. Dont know why but today sucks. Feeling guilty and anxious badly. Maybe I'm in office alone.

I know it's rather personal, but mind if I ask how did the breakdown happened? How was it like and what thoughts and emotions went thru your head? And it's completely ok if you don't feel comfortable talking about this here

I think I still cannot fully control my mind yet. Like someone pointed earlier, mind is everything.
A lot of times I still think of the happy times we had with each other. Though we fight, I hardly remember the content we fight about. So a lot in my memories are good times. Our inside jokes and conversation and all. And to think that now these are all gone because I am the one who ruin it. Yeah I know this is getting old but I am still stuck with the self blame hole. It's dark and cold there when I am alone.

Sometimes I think, most of the time before this relationship I can easily cope with being alone. I work alone, I eat alone, I go home alone. But now it just felt scary to be alone most of the time. Like emptiness inside. Maybe last time no one feel this emptiness so I dont feel it. But now since she's there and now she's gone, the emptiness is killing me. I can really feel the pressure at my chest area. Like its tight and sometimes hard to breath. But really, who to blame but only myself.

Some ppl's mind are very objective like robots, and their thinking & feelings can change with just a snap once they decide it. However for some people (like me), the mind takes time to process feelings, emotions and decisions. Everybody handle things differently I guess.

At least you and her had good memories and sounds like you treated her well when still together. Yes you made a mistake.. And you already paid the price, right? So you shouldn't beat yourself up too much.

BTW, any luck reaching Befrienders?

This post has been edited by V429: Nov 13 2019, 02:23 PM

well, like i said. first i have to change myself. i have to be more positive, make myself better, turn a new leaf.
just focus on my work and improving myself.
nope, beginning was really bad. so i just slowly take my time to win her over. i buy her favourite food and drinks, deliver them to her on my own. always send her good morning and good night text... although no response, but i still continue

yup, the condemn and negativity is real fucked up, but you gotta pull through it. i only have 1 thing in my mind, to win her back. so i dont give a shit about anything else. just focus on that 1 thing.

I'm not trying to reach them. Just that night when it's almost unbearable. Cause sometimes at 3am you really don't know who to talk to.

Really really admire you and wish I can get the same result as you.

How nice if there's a formula to it and just pass it to me. I dont even know texting her now will be good or bad.

Bro, I must that is very impressive single-minded focus you got there that won your wife back. Respect.

Just focus on getting better first Bro.

if i can do it, you can do it too. as bro below said, focus on yourself first. the first thing is you must get over yourself.
you know you made a mistake, so fine. you cant change the past, so just on the present and future.
make sure you improve yourself and never repeat it again.

yea, i was this close to 14th floor too. then it hit me, like fucking enlightenment. why should i 14th floor?
if i really did 14th floor, then that means i am what people say about me.
no way! fuck that! i am my own person.
it's not easy at first though, even the journey after that "enlightenment" never got easier.
but you just gotta keep persevering.

Well said on your advice to Bro Prelude. I very much agree.

Also didn't realise things were that bad until 14 floor was on your mind. Again, very much respect on your perseverance. Hats off to you Bro.

Care to explain how you get that enlightenment? Like does it just come to you? A switch just flicked inside your mind or what?

Thanks for the encouragement.

Seriously at night when no one talk to you and your thinking run wild, its very easy to think of 14th floor. Like the easy way out.
But yeah, become a better guy and get well first. I know I have to.